Life of Leinbacker

Time keeps on tickin'...

2011-02-15T13:34:00.000-05:00

...Into the future. I feel like I should post a new post just because that last one was so despairing. So, here is a post of thoughts in 3 weeks of being back in the States:

My mom buys really really nice toilet paper. The stuff is so super-absorbent I count out 4 squares instead of just pulling the roll. Seriously, took some getting used to. Also surprising how often I still go to throw tp into the trash, only to redirect mid-motion.
There is high fructose corn syrup in EVERYthing. EVERYTHING.
I don't care for the Mexican-grown avocados that are apparently my only choice here. This makes me VERY very sad.
I miss Inka Cola.
Snow and slush in vast quantities aren't as fun- nay, not even as tolerable- when one cannot locate one's kick-butt snow boots...
Everybody here has so - much - space. As in houses and personal property. Granted, we live close to rural areas, but even the 'city suburbia' is spacious when compared to majority of Lima. And the houses themselves are spacious, even the small ones... Houses are starting to 'look normal' again now, but I'm not so sure that's a good thing. Just like I didn't like it that the 'normal Lima' residential vistas no longer jarred me- it was just 'normal' to see. And it was good when new people came and I saw it through their eyes again for the first time. People can become accustomed to ANYthing, if they are exposed to it long enough.
I despise the job search process.
I have the most AWESOME family in the world- immediate and extended, and on both sides of my family. (Notice I did NOT say 'perfect', but 'awesome'. There is a difference, and I think that the key to having an awesome family is to recognize and embrace the imperfect status that will ALWAYS exist.
I love driving on real highways and byways again.
I love having a real postal service again.
I miss being able to hail a taxi in front of your home and being taken directly to the door of your destination for pennies... well, couple of bucks. If it's kinda far... Door to door service where I'm not driving... sigh. I didn't miss the actual 'driving' the way Cindy always did. (public transpo? I'll take it!)
I almost cried in church because the songs they were singing weren't in Spanish: cried because I MISSED the SPANISH. I missed the worship leader at the church I went to in Lima. Missed how energetic the singing there was.
I have been a little bored in church- my brain is like: what? this is it? it's all in English? i don't have to translate and assimilate? um, ok, um, wait- is he still talking? missed that all-English paragraph- really? all English?
I have a lot of stuff packed in a lot of places. Almost none of it readily accessible.
I have a little room in which to 'unpack' my stuff- therefore almost none of it truly unpacked. Such is life living in a room in a basement already filled with things from your old apartment and your sister's, and then all the normal basement things mom and dad have down there.
I miss my mattress in Peru. It was comfy. (No comment on the one here.)
Pretzels are cheap again. (relatively speaking)
I miss living with Chessa, Heidi, Kari, and Christina. I miss the silly read bird being passed around secretively and unexpectedly between us in new and laughter-inducing places.
Things SEEM further away from each other here... maybe because i have to be the one driving now...
I have absolutely NO IDEA who half the people on the news are ('real' news makers, or sports/entertainment), nor the details of any of the national news/govt debates on deficit, health care, etc etc etc... NO CLUE about anything that's been happening.
I have had enough of winter now. I am SO ready for an ENTIRE summer spent in one hemisphere.

Well, that's all that pops into my head now. Thanks so much again to all of you who have prayed for me and supported me financially. Please continue to pray!

How hard can it be?

2011-01-26T00:04:00.000-05:00

Really, how hard can it be to figure out the next best step for the rest of your life? (It'd be easier if my fingers weren't numb due to the cold basement and I didn't have to backtrack to fix so many typing mistakes as a result of said numbness...)

I mean, come on. Joyce Meyers told me to be determined. Okay. So does the Bible. Even better!!! I'm determined to be a teacher. Ok. The internet is supposed to make that easier too. ok. Here's an idea: why aren't teaching standards national??? I'm so tired of trying to navigate the morass of 'what do i have to do to get certification' based on what state I'm planning to teach in. GIVE ME A BREAK. Talk about a system built in the times of living your whole life in a 50 mile radius! MOBILITY means I can go anywhere in this country, but I have to decide where I'm gonna end up in five years right NOW so that I'll know what requirements I need to fulfill. But really, it doesn't much matter anyway, because unless someone else is going to pay for this, I ain't going anywhere any time soon.

So, I start looking for all those 'things' people say exist: programs for high-need areas, programs for women over 35 (that's me!) to go back to school, blah blah blah... MORASS of internet sludge...

Places to post your resume... great, okay, but I LOOK TERRIBLE ON PAPER, and I don't HAVE $85 to pay to post anything, thank you very much, no thank you.

TESOL/TEFL/ESL certification, because at least then I can be qualified to teach abroad... OH. MY. STARS. Go ahead, I dare you: put "online TEFL courses" into google... go on. Holy cow. And all touting their great and all-important accreditation, and all with different accrediting organizations... So how do I know which ones just MIGHT be accepted by US school entities at a later date? I don't, I guess. At least, I can't find that info. And the little info I did find seems to change from- you guessed it- state to state!!! So, I've got my last $500 to spend on 1 program... I feel like I'm playing Russian roulette!

Come ON people. I want to teach. I want to work hard and study hard to learn to be a better teacher. I am willing to go just about anywhere in the country to do so. What google search do I run for that???

Really, how hard can this be? (And do I have to spend much longer sitting at this computer? Cuz I think I'm developing a hemorrhoidal condition.)

Seriously, prayer for research that actually yields profitable results in the matter of finding gainful employment is appreciated. Especially pertaining to pursuing TEFL, etc. certification/diploma online in order to make myself more marketable (and I just would really LIKE to do it!!!!) Thanks. And now my fingers aren't moving so I'm going to bed. ;)

It's been- One Week...

2011-01-23T00:46:00.000-05:00

...since I left Peru, said goodbye, took a plane to Atlanta.
(I love that song, One Week. However, I will not attempt to continue writing in the rhyme scheme of said cancion.)

A week ago, I was there, in the Jorge Chavez International Airport, boarding a 767 for Atlanta, connecting to Chicago Midway. A week ago, I was still on Peruvian soil. A week ago, I was still on summer vacation.

Now, I'm just unemployed. Now, I'm sending/submitting job applications, reluctantly; interviewing and procuring employment being the miraculous blessing that it would be, it would also be the final punctuation mark of NOT using that return trip ticket February 21. I've said already, and known it would be true: So far, it hasn't been THAT much harder to leave Peru and come back to the States because it's the third time I've done it. The previous two times, I was home for a month, and returned. It will get harder as the days pass, and my time is spent seeking gainful employment and trying to unpack my 36 years of life back into one room in my parents' basement, instead of seeking missionary support and repacking my next year's worth of teaching into two 50-lb suitcases.

I am reluctant to go to church tomorrow, to thank all those wonderful people for making my three years possible, especially this last year, and to tell them that I've no idea what I'll be doing now. I don't want to think about the fact that I don't get to prepare my classroom for the next group of third graders- for Diego, and Vittorio, for Sara Isabela and Paula and Hannah and Grecia, for Luciano and all the others whose stories I have heard from second grade teacher Katie Guerrero.

I don't want to think about the fact that I don't get to prepare ANY classroom, ANYwhere, for ANY students. That's really what I don't want to think about. And yet, I have to, if I ever want to get BACK to doing just that: I've got to figure out, search out, apply and pray for HOW God will put me back into a classroom, somewhere. Because if nothing else, my 3 years in Peru showed me very clearly that in a classroom is exactly where I desire to be, where God intended me to use the abilities He's given me.

I don't want to think about the fact that in this economy, I'll be lucky to find ANY job, let alone one that I'll actually grow in and enjoy. That's the fear I battle now: that I'll take the first available job because I need money to live by, and I'll end up in a position that saps the joy of living right out of me. Because that's what happened the last time I was in a similar situation, and it was, quite honestly, a little bit of hell on earth. My conviction that God will provide for me in a way that will NOT strip me of all joy is at war with the fallen fear of future unknowns, of becoming a stress and leech to my wonderful family.

I am not sure HOW I can still be fearful- my life is a testimony to the gracious provision of God, a witness to the blessings He bestows when I am following His will in faith. Fear, or Faith: that is the question, really.

When I have stepped in faith before, He has vanquished fear and led me beside still waters and green pastures through blackest shadows to a table of surety and safety set in the very presence of the things that seek to destroy me...

What has God done for you? When has He stilled your fears and amazed you with His mercy and provision? Seriously, I'd like to hear stories from others. Like it says in Romans, that 'all these things' were written for the encouragement and hope of others to come... (paraphrased), hearing the stories of others gives us the encouragement to hope that we often lack on our own. Can you take a moment to share? With everyone, or just to me?

Thank you all for your continued support. I have received some 'extra Christmas' checks that have really been helpful. I have felt always that I am prayed for, and that is such a gift for which I can't express my thanks enough.

One week. 4000 miles. What will one MORE week bring? (Eyes on Jesus, not on my own footprints, right?)
Peace and grace to you all,
Emily

Weather still exists.

2011-01-10T16:53:00.000-05:00

Well, dear friends, weather DOES still exist. Not here in Lima (Except for last Wednesday night, when it actually RAINED for the first time in 3 years), but it does still exist. I'd forgotten about weather. I'd forgotten about organizing one's life around weather, according to the weather, as a result of unexpected weather.

This morning, God, and my good friend Dana Chen, reminded me that weather still exists. I have a ticket to leave Lima tonight, arrive in Atlanta tomorrow morning, and fly into Chicago at 11 a.m. Dana is picking me up and driving me the couple of hours to Elkhart, Indiana, and home. Well, at least, that was the plan, before The Weather.

Dana remembers that weather exists (living in Chicago, one cannot forget it), and so she was smart enough to check my flights when she heard about the storms in the southeast... I didn't even KNOW about storms, and it NEVER would have occurred to me to check. Because weather doesn't exist here. You never have to check anything. Ever. Dana checked. And this morning by 11:00, my flight from ATL to Chicago had already been canceled. So she called me. And I tried to log into my itinerary and couldn't. So she called Delta, and discovered my NEW travel arrangements.

NEW travel arrangements: Arrive in ATL at 8:00 a.m. Sit in ATL airport until 7:30 p.m. Leave for DETROIT. Stay in Detroit airport until 7:00 a.m. Wednesday morning. Fly to Chicago. Instead of 12 hours travel time: 36 hours, plus some driving. I am not too excited about this. For many reasons. One of which is buying airport food for a day and a half is NOT in my budget... (since my support was only through December, I am now officially unemployed). Any way....

Had sister Cindy call Delta reservations for me. Cuz let's face it, wouldn't Delta prefer it if I just took myself out of the equation for a few days? I'd much rather enjoy the weatherless summer of Lima for a few extra days than to sit around enduring various airports in uncomfortable seats and public restrooms, with no traveling companions to watch my ultra heavy carry-on bags...

So, now I am leaving Lima SATURDAY night/Sunday morning. And arriving in Chicago Sunday at 11:00 a.m. And Dana will still pick me up and drive me home to Indiana. And there will be whoopie pies from Auntie JoAnn, and much rejoicing.

Assuming the weather holds.
;)

SURPRISE!

2010-12-01T17:48:00.001-05:00

Last week, or maybe the week before, I informed my children that I did not think I would be coming back to Peru next year because I don´t have enough support money. I asked them to pray for me, for what God wants me to do next. The next day, half my class was not at line up after the recess bell rang. I asked the remaining half where everyone was; they replied that they were all in Ms. Miller's office. Since she is the principal, and since having half my class in with the principal is generally not a GOOD thing, I went to go see what was happening. I approached the door to her office and see about 8 little heads all studying the multicolored all-teacher class schedule that Ms. Miller is holding up in front of them. huh? One girl sees me and they all immediately run out of the office to me and turn me around and tell me I can't be in there. I began noticing a strange phenomenon: every time I walked in the general direction of my children during a recess or after school, screams ensued and they all ran away from me, or quickly shoved things behind them, etc. So, apparently, my kids are planning something. Cool.

One girl asked me a week ago if I would be here on December 1. I replied that I would, and I hope she would be too. This morning, I made sure I was wearing something nice. I had first recess duty, on the playground where all my girls and some boys always play. None of them were there. Only the boys playing soccer down on the field. OK. Bell rings, we go upstairs, we do grammar, we get called out for our group picture, and the girls are completely worried about where the picture will be... but relax when i tell them it's on the playground.

We go back up and do math. They are working fairly well until right before the bell is supposed to ring for lunch. Then, an undercurrent of *something* runs through them all as one of them notices the time and tells everyone else... The bell rings, I say, put your books away for lunch, and the entire class erupts - and i do mean ERUPTS- into excited cheers. Wow. They are all so genuinely on the edge of their seats barely able to contain themselves that it's all I can do to say the next sentence: you owe three minutes, which I'll begin as soon as everyone has their desk cleared and heads down. But, it must be said; the little x's are on the board. Loud exclamations of unhappiness follow the announcement, but I am treated to an exhibition of the fastest 'putting away and heads down' my kids have ever done...

Now I can't help but smile as they are all vibrating with excitement, and I say "This is going to be a really LONG three minutes."

Boy, was it.

When I told them to sit up for prayer, cheers erupted again. I dismissed them by groups, firmly reminding them to wash their hands before getting their lunches and sitting down... About 6 girls attach themselves to me as I leave the room and start down the stairs, literally pulling me along, telling me to close my eyes. Ever tried closing your eyes being pulled along by six 9-yr-olds? It's interesting, to say the least. I'm pulled into the 'kid's gym' which is a medium sized room used by the little kids for gross motor skills, and used by the rest of the school for large meetings, choir rehearsal, multi class events, etc. By now I can hear my whole class telling me to close my eyes, and then to open them- and a giant "SURPRISE!" (I wish I had a video of THEM in those moments... I'd love to see that.)

There in the room are two tables with chairs, one table covered with food and a cake. They're all excitedly telling me "we did it all!" "we didn't have any help, except a little from Ms. Miller" "it's a party for you!" And they really DID do it all: after a few minutes I realize that they're telling me "so-and-so bought this" or "paid for that" and I ask "You spent your own money?" And several of them, with big grins, nod excitedly and say the random things they'd saved the money from and decided to use it. "But," one of them was sure to tell me, "Some of our parents did have to help just a little bit." They made sure to tell me they brought many of the things because I couldn't get them in the United States, and of course there was Inca Cola.

They pull me over to look at the cake, covered in fondant and decorated with custom messages: Miss Leinbach at the top, and 'Jesus is our Savior' and 'God loves you'. Then they show me all the decorations they've made and hung up on the walls and windows. Long garlands of paper chains, mostly made out of normal lined paper, COLORED with crayons and colored pencils, cut into strips and stapled into the familiar paper chain decoration. Purple balloons. (of course) Posters with messages of "we'll miss you" etc. One poster was especially wonderful, but I'm going to try to take some pics or video and post it rather than describe it.

We ate, we drank, we were merry (towards the end just a little TOO merry... boys....) and had a blast watching all the other classes watching us have our party. OH, I forgot the paper and cotton ball crown that was plunked down on my head upon being told to open my eyes! (The cotton was the fur lining around the bottom...)

Then, right at the end of lunch recess time, as I'm gathering them all back in to clean up the absolutely DESTROYED room, one of the girls picks up a rather large bag of confetti, and asks if she can throw it... I'm thinking of all those little round pieces and the cleaning guys... and two of my boys are thinking they'd each like to have the bag, and before I can say anything, the bag's been torn and a giant cloud of confetti is showering down over half the room in shades of pink, purple, and white. And the screaming commences. I realize it will never get cleaned up until it's been enjoyed, so, we threw confetti at each other for awhile, and at me especially, hunkered down on all fours to avoid getting any in my eyes... Pink rain...

They cleaned about half of it up... the areas that were the most densely covered got swept (they argued over who would use the broom) and a good quantity put into a bag for a girl to take home for her upcoming birthday party. Best wishes to that mother. ;)

It took us all of the class period after lunch to clean up (they DID successfully throw away all their trash, and clean off the tables) and I handed them over to Mr. Miguel for computer class with a grateful heart: they were flying high, and Miguel is just the person to rein them back in, quickly and effectively.

There were a few actual "gifts" (including chocolate and some yummy smelling soaps) but really the best gifts were all the cards and letters and pictures they wrote and drew. And, of course, the event itself.

Kids are awesome. My kids are awesome. I will definitely never forget this day.

~Miss Leinbach, a blessed by God third grade teacher for two more weeks.

SCIENCE FAIR IS OVER

2010-11-01T16:35:00.001-04:00

And there was much rejoicing!

I think that it went ok. We'll see what kind of feedback we get from people next week. I still have to finish grading the project display boards (all of which were left after the Fair Friday night so that we as teachers CAN grade them at a more leisurely (read: not frantic) pace), but otherwise, no more Science Fair. Except to put all the wisdom and experience of three years of this thing into a binder for future generations. (read: whatever poor schmuck gets stuck doing it next year.)

No school today. Using a friend's computer to send this brief update out to the world. Still not able to connect to the internet on my computer. Wireless or wired. doesn't matter. really need to factory reset it, i guess (AGAIN) but it's SUCH a pain and process, and what if this time it DOESN'T work? (all five - or 4?- previous times it's worked like a charm.) If it doesn't work, then i'm stuck with a computer lacking years and years of Windows updates and many of hte applications that i've downloaded and won't be able to download again.

Scouring the internet for possible help and solutions simply gives me a headache. I'm NOT a computer guru. Sigh.

Next decision: do we have a spelling bee this year or skip this year? I'm in charge, and it was originally scheduled for three weeks into the Science Fair process, which just wasn't a sound decision, but especially if the coordinator is also on the Science Fair Committee. So, I was given the option of canceling or postponing. I elected postponement, becuase I really do see a great deal of benefit from doing a spelling bee. HOWEVER, postponing means doing it in November (now) and I failed to realize that this is also the time for Family Day, the gigantic school-wide event that is mostly planned by parents. shouldn't interfere, except that parents are going to want to be focusing on Family Day, and not spelling bee, and with the end of the year, TEACHERS are going to be wanting to focus on TEACHING curriculum, and not losing time to spelling bee. and then there's the Christmas program... Anyway. Despite all the truly wonderful things that spelling bee teaches, i'm beginning to think that because of when it was programmed into the school year, this year we might not have it. Program it into the year early on next year. But, don't know if that is still a decision that I can make, after being offered the decision earlier...

I'm excited because it appears that Cindy is coming to Peru for a visit!!! and I am rather despondent to start thinking seriously of packing and going home to nothing. Well, ok, not NOTHING. Going to home to family and friends. But nothing else. No job, no money, no place to live other than my parents' basement, no transportation... I keep reading those promises of God's got a plan for His children and I keep fighting back the bile. God got me this far, through equally "hopeless futures"... I guess I just feel like, how many times do I expect Him to pull a rabbit out of the hat for me?

And, as I wrote that, I realized: it's not Him pulling a rabbit out of a hat... it's ME giving up on trying to create a rabbit on my own to put in the hat. How many times will I go through this silly song and dance of thinking I'm supposed to create the rabbit and pull it out??? HELLO, McFLY? God tells us not to rely on our own understanding, our own powers of provision, our own anything. Everything we have is a gift from Him, and (as JEsus says) what kind of Father doesn't give good gifts to his children when they need them? That's the thing- WHEN they need them. And there I am am, back at the same place i've been so many times before: wait patiently for the Lord, instead of TELL ME NOW GOD.

So, I'll keep doign what I can to prepare for what comes next (updating my resume, for example) and I'll just keep praying for help in trusting Him to give me the next gifts when I need them. (Ever read The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom? If you haven't, DO SO. Read it yesterday. this idea was illustrated many times in that book.)

okay, i need to go to school and prep for the week. Thanks for being there, wherever "there" is for you!

with love-

emily

--
Emily Leinbach
emily@leinbacker.com
www.leinbacker.com

The ULTIMATE love/hate relationship:

2010-10-24T20:34:00.000-04:00

TECHNOLOGY

The ultimate in "I love it!" and "I hate it!"

Recently, the former was expressed when I was able to copy, collate, and staple a front/back 8 page fractions booklet for my kids in about 5 minutes. Thank you GOD for a copier in working condition!

The latter ("I hate this!") has been expressed frequently in reference to my laptop and its apparent recurring inability to actually communicate with the internet. And the fact that NO ONE can figure out why.

I vote for demon possession, but I've been told by people who really ought to know such things that demons probably don't possess inanimate objects.

I'm NOT convinced. Seeing as how this computer goes through the same series of symptoms and then complete and utter dysfunction once every six months or so... and no one who really should know such things in the world of computers can come up with any reason. *sigh*

So, I'm back to (again) factory reset or buying a USB wireless adapter, and hoping the non-wireless symptoms that have appeared all the other times don't appear this time...

But, I wanted to let the world at large know that I'm not dead, I'm simply behind the ultimate firewall.

Oh, and not laptop but technology related: My internet VOIP phone- a wireless model from Vonage- still WILL NOT connect to the router inside our apartment, but WILL connect to any of the 6 unsecured wireless networks that I walk through on my way to and from school and the grocery store. So, when I want to talk to my sister, or parents, or friends in Chicago or Denver... I choose the least noisy street corner for the time of day, and camp out in front of some random house or apartment building or pharmacy... and i talk on someone else's internet. Because the router ten feet from my bedroom won't connect to my phone.

I'm trying to laugh about it, really. Sometimes, I succeed.

On a more serious note- prayers would be appreciated for me as I am right now going through a pretty serious "holy crap HOW am i going to live when I leave Peru???" phase... When I think about how much it's going to cost me to live in the States... even living on beans and rice, and scrimping on everything, the difference in cost of living is appalling, and the outlook for gainful employment makes me want to vomit.

So, my stomach would appreciate your prayers, becuase it doesn't want ulcers, and right now, that's what's in ITS future! (laugh)

I'm also beginning for go through the first stages of "I won't be here for that next year" or "I won't be here when that happens in the life of so-and-so"... and it's getting tougher and tougher. Especially since I haven't got a "happy" thing to look forward to that I WILL be doing...

But, that is the topic for another blog, and the owner of this borrowed laptop (which DOES talk to the internet) would like her computer back, so I'll be writing that one later.

I love you all and appreciate the fact that you care enough about me that you're reading this! Thank you!
~mle

Already? Third quarter's ending????

2010-09-26T23:12:00.000-04:00

It's nearing the end of September, and that means that it's almost the end of third quarter. I am at school late to start organizing papers for grades... report cards.... I *love* them so much. Sigh. This too shall pass.

I am sad that time is passing so swiftly. It is sad for me to think that I won't be doing this next year, watching a new classroom full of children master long division. It is extra sad to think about because I don't have anything to replace it with (yet). I have no idea what I'll be doing next year, and I can't see how it could possibly be as enjoyable as teaching third grade. Prayer, as always, is appreciated. Job leads are also appreciated. I've gotta get back to school to get my education classes so I can be certified to teach in the States! (not that it would matter much; from what i've heard from friends, teaching jobs are scarce.)

I am starting something new with my class tomorrow. I am going to start the day with praise and worship songs. I realized Friday night (at a praise and worship session led by some high school students from another school) that our kids don't ever praise God in a time for just praising and worshiping. we sing songs at chapel, but they are not really songs sung TO God for His glory. Not songs that lead our hearts into attitudes of reverence, obedience, service, thankfulness, etc etc. SO, I've got some songs off Youtube that have the words so that my kids can sing them, and we're going to start our days with some praise and worship. hopefully they'll learn a core group of 6-8 songs by heart, inside and out, that will pop into their heads for the rest of their lives. Like so many songs I learned when I was young. I've also found some Spanish ones, and I'm going to work on getting the third grade Spanish teacher to come in also (just not sure what her schedule is at the start of the day). On Tuesdays, I'm thinking about going up to the music room and using the piano to sing/teach since Miss Skillo of fifth grade is free on Tuesdays and is a great piano player. (If only Miss Shirk could come play guitar....)

Anyway, please pray for this, because it might really feel strange to some of the kids, especially at first. But I want them to learn how to praise and pray and thank God together, in a group of their peers and with adults. And I hope it will help the rest of the day go smoothly, too. God-centered.

Will let you know what happens. (This is supposed to update to Facebook, but no matter how many times i've set it up, it doesn't, so i'll keep posting links... or you can become a "follower" and i think it will email you when I post a new blog... i think???? Love you all, and thanks for your support. ~emily

Mission Month at MCS

2010-09-10T23:03:00.000-04:00

So, here in Lima, Peru at Monterrico Christian School, September is Missions Month. My class is going on our missions trip on Monday. I am doing my Bible curriculum missions unit. We are reading a novel about a boy and his missionary family escaping from rebels in Ethiopia. Special guest speakers for chapel include (what else?) missionaries!

And Miss Leinbach is wondering what her future as a missionary may, or may not, be. Come January, I find myself without direction. I am not opposed to doing some sort of mission work somewhere. Anywhere (almost). But I certainly can't do it on "my own". (I put that in quotes since I'm never really doing anything alone, since really it's God that's doing it all and I'm along for the rather interesting ride.) If missions is in my future, then I strongly feel that I must be a part of an established missions organization.

I'm not completely sure if missions is in my future. I've always seen myself (from little up) doing missions work. Granted, most of my childhood I wanted to me a missionary brain surgeon in Cambodia... don't ask. I honestly don't know.

But I do know that I've never had a problem seeing myself "out there", far away somewhere. Then again, I've also never had a problem seeing myself as a martyr, and I'm not necessarily looking for a way to make that vision come to pass.

So, what of my childhood envisionings should I bank on? I dunno. I figured out pretty quick in college that being a doctor was NOT what God made me to be. So much for the missionary brain surgeon to Cambodia. (Not to mention that I'm not gifted in Asian tonal languages... wowsers...)

I sent an email this evening to the Latin American coordinator of a missions org with the word Mennonite in their name. It would be nice to "go home" to Mennonite service ideals. Then again, it would be nice to go home to my Mennonite grandmother, too. (and mother, father, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.)

It would be nice to get an education degree so that I could tell people that I'm a credentialed teacher. But that would take a lot more money per year than it has cost me to live in Peru for a year. And let's face it: with the US economy the way it is right now, I'm just thinking, "It would be nice to go home and have a job."

I really do love teaching my third graders. They're such an interesting age. They are happy to be at school most of the time. They are happy to try to please their teachers (most of the time). They are curious and come up with amazing things out of the blue. (They are also rather frustrating at times, but what children aren't?)

I love seeing them develop relationships with God, too. A few of them in particular are SO delightful to watch as they listen to stories, respond to chapel speakers, or make applications to their own lives and spirits. Out of the mouths of babes, you know.

Well, before I sign out, a funny:

I am taking Spanish lessons, trying to actually start speaking without doing my best William Shatner impression. You see, I have a hard time remembering what verb endings go on what and with what tense, etc etc. and so I'll be speaking and it will SOUND like I'm done with a word, but then a heartbeat later I'll suddenly add on the one or two syllable ending. Now, if you're not a Shatner connoisseur, then you won't understand that at all; but if you are a fan of the Shat, then you'll be able to accurately imagine what my Spanish sentences tend to sound like. But that's not the funny. (although it really is very entertaining...)

The funny is this: I am telling the story of David and Goliath to my spanish tutor, Cherish. I have explained that David wasn't afraid, that he tried on the armor of the king, and that it didn't fit, so he ditched it. And then, David goes to the river and picks up five smooth rocks for his slingshot.

Well, it's almost the end of the lesson, at the end of a very tiring day at school, and my brain is a little fried. But I'm doing pretty good. Not too many Shatner pauses, I'm doing alright. Until I tell Cherish that "David fue al rio y recogio cinco piernas lisas por su honda."

I wanted to say that "David went to the river and picked up five smooth stones." Unfortunately, "piedras" is "stones". You'll notice that I said "piernas". Piernas means "legs".

Apparently, this river was frequented by a mass murderer- one who preferred clean-shaven legs. Cherish and I cracked up. I realized immediately what I had said, and corrected it, but still, the images are there: imagine your kindergarten Sunday School teacher with her little felt/flannel people and her big story board with the felt background image of a river... here comes little felt David and his sling, and here's the five legs he picked up out of the river...

I know, I know- there's something seriously wrong with me. (I just made myself laugh and aspirated a single grain of rice from the lomo saltado I am eating for dinner. It's amazing the sudden and violent effects one single grain of rice can have on a person!)

Well, I'll finish my random ramblings for this week. (I'm trying to write more regularly, even if I don't feel like I've got anything to say.) (My apologies in advance.) (I can't quite believe that it's almost the middle of SEPTEMBER already! ACH! Where does the time go?)

Blessings to you all, and thank you for your prayers and support. ~emily

I forget about my blog, and it's all Facebook's fault!

2010-08-14T21:04:00.001-04:00

Yes, I am guilty! I forget to write real content sometimes, because I am caught up writing bit by bit content and interacting (albeit long distance) in the daily lives of my friends via facebook. But I really do feel that Blogs DO still have a place in this world. (Cue really old Michael W. Smith music...)

I think that the art of composing thoughts and writing them coherently is being lost in the world of "soundbytes" and texting shorthand. (LOL) And I am guilty of using those things, too. I enjoy using them. But again, they help me forget that true communication, true 'communion' with friends and family, even students, can rarely be accomplished in an abbreviated fashion. And so, I have finally come up with a good idea to help myself actually blog: I have remembered that I can send a blog entry as an email and it will post on my blog. This is good, because I am logged onto my email everyday. I frequently can write a quick paragraph to the world while I'm checking other things. And while that won't exactly be high quality, thoughtful, in-depth ponderings, it will at least be something more than the status update on my Facebook account. So, I am writing this email now to both blogs that I'm a part of: mine (Life of Leinbacker) and the one Cindy and I created 2.5 years ago when we both came to Lima, Peru (Leinbach Sisters In Peru -- right now called Peru, Year Three). I will post for now simultaneously. I have been thinking that Cindy and I should consider the future of that combined blog... since it was created mostly as a way to help people connect with us as we raised support together to be missionaries here in Peru. Now, Cindy is back home in Indiana, and I am here in Peru sans soeur. (without sister)

What do you think? Should we can the combined one? Put it on hiatus for awhile? Cindy has her own blog, too. And really, hardly anyone reads these anyway, right? ;)

Is there a way that I can notify my facebook account when my blog posts? So that my fb folks can also partake in my more lengthy ponderings, should they so desire?

I don't have any deep ponderings tonight. Except that I haven't been focused very well recently. Not on what truly counts. And that's God. I've been focused on a lot of things, but shying away from digging deep with God in recent months. Why? not sure. but most likely for the same reasons that I also do when I find myself doing this: it's easier to drift away than to dig deeper; it's easier to stay at status quo than to continue to seek without knowing what one will find; it's safer to float merrily along than to catch a wave of faith, and so if i'm not talking to God about my life, then I' won't ever notice the wave of faith passing by, and won't have to make the decision to jump on.

So, instead, the waves crash over me, and I will one day come to my spiritual senses and realize that I am now under fathoms of water and am mostly drowned. And I will yank on that life vest's cord that is supposed to release an inflatable buoy and start the strobe emergency light flashing, and it won't do much good so far underwater... I'll be slowly pulled upwards through the churning current, trying NOT to take gulps of water, and all the while wondering to myself: HOW did I sink this deep without noticing?

close your eyes, count to ten, click your heels, start again... doesn't really work outside of Oz.

There are new people living with me now. One new roommate came to teach fifth grade about 6 weeks ago. The other new teacher/roommate moved in this week. They are both filled with that "new arrival" spirit of energy and strength... unpolluted by the quagmires of daily logistics that have pulled on the spirits of the "veteran" teachers. I am hopeful that having "new blood" around me will be a challenge in a GOOD and POSITIVE way- to lift me back up to where I need to be, and want to be with my Savior every day. I know that as always Satan will be waiting to use the "new" interactions for negative purposes.

So, I guess my current prayer requests would be: for unity and community to be knit around the five women living in this apartment, ranging in ages from newly graduated from college to me (now the ripe age of 36! *gasp*). That we may be blessings to each other, even when it is hard to be that. (I have forgotten, I think, what it means to be a blessing to the people I live with...) I spent a lot of time in this apartment alone for the first three months of this school year, and so having a "full house" feels a little stiffling sometimes...

And pray for a renewed sense of desire to draw near to the almighty God who has given me SO much. I read my Bible, I go to church, but I'm not putting that extra effort into inviting the Spirit to do His work in me and through me, and although I'm thanking Him daily and publicly for every way He provides for me, I'm finding myself becoming very fearful of the "Next Step" - that next thing that I will be doing in January. That thing which is as yet unknown to me. But, (and here's the kicker) I haven't spent much time asking God to show me His plan! Why not? Anxiety. Fear. What if I don't like what He shows me? Or, worse yet, and my biggest fear: what if I don't hear/see/sense/receive His plan for me at all, and end up clueless?

You'd think I'd be calmer than this, after the rest of my life. Guess this is part of the whole picking up my cross daily and following Him, eh? Faithful following of Jesus never gets easier, you just get better at choosing to trust and trusting in the "daily" part of "daily bread". *grin* Yeah, God is good, all the time. It's just all HIS time, and not ours.

Gee, so much for no big ponderings, eh? Can I just say that I LOVE youtube! (That seems very random, I know, but really it's not.) I spent an hour before starting this message going through videos of music from my past: songs I've not heard for years because they are on cassette tape (*gasp!) and they are all sitting in a shed in my parent's backyard, being alternately superheated and supercooled in the northern Indiana weather and (I'm certain) completely losing any audio integrity they had left three years ago. And it was so wonderful to here some of those songs from my middle school and high school and college spiritual life: Amy Grant's Age to Age Album, old Smitty... Rich Mullins... some early third day, jars of clay, etc etc. Since I can't bring those cassettes with me, I am thanking God for the inventions of digital media. And for people who make really awesome videos to accompany those 'old' songs!

I have a YouTube channel, btw (oops, look at that, I just did it! the shorthand!!!) BY THE WAY... I didn't actually save any of those songs to a playlist on that channel though. Oh well. I will probably go back and do that over the next couple of hours. If you so desire, you can see other blurbs of my life by visiting http://www.youtube.com/user/leinbacker and also http://www.youtube.com/user/MissLeinbach (which I use for my third graders).

Well, if you've made it through this entire blog entry, congratulations! Please feel free to comment so I know you visited. Otherwise, I will probably just envision me writing to myself... which isn't all bad, either. Since I've also slacked off in journalling, too.

Share a comment of what you thank God for when you realize you're sinking. God bless you all and thank you for your support.
Emily

Mid-June already.

2010-06-14T21:33:00.001-04:00

Well, it's June. Which means it's winter. sigh. gray skies, hazy mountainsides, almost-drizzling precipitation that they call "rain" which serves to make everything wet and slippery, but has none of the pleasant side effects of the lovely smells and sounds I have always associated with rain. And colds and flu. Bronchitis and asthma. Thankfully, this year, no swine flu. My job has been much harder the last week with an average of three children absent every day. I'm drinking lots of OJ. And I think surviving on the prayers of the people 'out there'. So far have managed not to get anything 'full out'. Just sorta halfway... oh well.

I would appreciate prayers for my intestinal health. Thanks. And mental health.

If you're my friend on Facebook, I've got new pictures up. If you're not my friend, click this link anyway and ask to be my friend! IF you're not on facebook, GOOD FOR YOU! sigh. not really, but sometimes.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=52692&id=1616110756&l=86b93d15fe

But seriously, I'll try to get them up on Picasa, too. Thanks everyone out there for your support!

More pictures!

2010-05-23T21:47:00.002-04:00

Pictures from trip with Dana

2010-05-18T00:37:00.000-04:00

Last week my wonderful friend Dana came from Chicago and we were able to take a little trip south to Arequipa, Puno (Lake Titkaka), and Colca Canyon (to see condors). Here are some pics of that. (only about 20 out of the 599 that we took... not to mention the video....) Click to go to the web album and see the pics large as life!

Monday, Monday...

2010-04-25T23:04:00.000-04:00

Would you please say an extra prayer for me and my class tomorrow? Not liking some of the patterns I'm seeing, and realized tonight that i'm contributing to some of them. Also realized that we need to (as a class) go to the One who can change our hearts. So, we'll be starting our days a little bit differently from now on, and tomorrow will be a lot of Scripture, singing, prayer activities, games, cleaning and organizing, etc.

Also, I need to be at school early. Ya'll know how hard THAT is for me!

Thank you all for your support.

Week 8: First Quarter almost over!

2010-04-20T22:21:00.000-04:00

I didn't realize I'd been so delinquent in writing. With Facebook, I tend to forget to actually WRITE. And I need to, more than little blurbs in my status. I need to continue to WRITE. I enjoy it. I have gotten away from doing it, and I need to get back in the habit.

Having said that, this post won't be very long, as it's 9 p.m. and I have not been feeling well the last 24 hours and very much want to go to bed. But I felt I should post an official "Praise Jesus" for the provision God has given me in the last week.

A sister who works hard to put together a 'little' video presentation for a fundraiser for her sister
A church that is willing to work hard to put together a 'little' fundraiser dinner for me, an erstwhile attendee who hasn't even lived in the same state as the church in 6 years.
Pastors of two congregations of said church who care about me and my family, and all the people in the congregations who care about me and Cindy and have been praying for us.
Parents who work hard in support of their congregation and in support of me and Cindy. Talk about a thankless job. (supporting me and cindy, not the congregation.)
Friends who send support of the financial and spiritual kind, both vital to my survival...
$1,985.54 being sent from the fundraiser dinners. Three months of support. Unbelievable.
Students who smile when they see me and tell me they missed me, even though I was only "absent" an hour. (I came in late this morning.)
People in Peru who have given gifts; sacrificial monthly amounts, and one-time anonymous gifts that have come exactly when I needed them. I've been here for 2 months, and three days ago went to the ATM for the first time. Before that, God provided through people here!
The blessing of Skype, Vonage, and the internet. Even when I hate it, I love it.
The joy I have in being able to talk to 20 third graders about Jesus and God and loving each other in a righteous manner.
My wonderful friend Dana (met her the first day I moved into the dorm at college) who is coming to visit on May 8!!!

Would you please pray for a decision I have to make in the next two days: I have long felt that I need to be paying my student loan payment rather than using forbearance... I have been in forbearance for the last three years, and as a result my balance isn't any lower now than when I started making payments ten years ago... My decision is: do I act in faith and start paying the $120/month, or ask for more forbearance? Other than the student loan, my only monthly obligation is $38/month for my Compassion International child in Haiti. God has always given me the money to make that payment.

Thank you all for your prayers. Thank you all for your support. Thank you all for the work you are each doing in your own lives, your own homes, your own 'mission fields'.

God bless,
Emily

Back to Peru this Tuesday!

2010-02-11T19:39:00.000-05:00

My return ticket to Peru is this Tuesday, and school starts the first week of March. Pledges and donations are beginning to come in, and I am once again humbled by the generosity of God's people. I am also anxious since I still have a LONG way to go before meeting my $600-$700 per month goal. To those of you have committed for the next year, THANK you and please feel free to send donations immediately.

Quite a bit of my current financial "AAAAHHHHHH!!!!" factor is simply a result of not having the "nest egg" funds we thought we'd have at the end of last year. God has taken care of us and provided miraculously for Cindy's medical care, but we're still waiting on a (large) insurance check and came back with less than we hoped. There are a lot of needs that I was planning on purchasing while home in the States (shoes, some clothing, special supplies, etc) that I'm not able to afford right now. I'm having to pick and choose what is TRULY needed right now and what can be put off and sent later somehow.

I know God will take care of me, and I'm hoping that part of that care will include being able to get things in Lima for less than I'm budgeting so that I may not need as much as is my goal. We'll see. I am fighting the feeling of panic, though. Why is it so hard to KEEP trusting God?

PRAISE: I was able to go to the dentist and was told that what I was sure was a rotting root was NOT! No decay at all!!! WHO HOO!

Ways to pray: Obviously, continued financial commitments through January 2011. And,

Before returning to Peru: provision for: new computer cord, one pair new shoes, some specific toiletries and underwear (very hard to find in Peru the way many U.S. women like to have them), new drivers license, and a small pocket chart that I wanted to buy for my classroom.
On Tuesday: safe travel from South Bend to Atlanta and then Lima, no problems getting a full 180 day tourist visa, and no problems in customs.
Peace of mind and energy to get everything done!

I love you and will try to post MUCH more often this year!

Where do we go from here?

2010-02-03T18:46:00.002-05:00

Well, Year Two in Peru is officially over. We have returned safely to Elkhart. Cindy will not be returning to Peru due to her need for stronger medication for her Rheumatoid Arthritis. Emily will be returning to Lima on February 16 (we bought round-trip tickets to come back to the U.S. because it was cheaper than one way).

We hope that Emily will be able to stay in Lima to teach for one more year, for several reasons. The previous third grade teacher thought she'd be in the States for two years, but now will not return to Lima for one more year. After two years of teaching the third grade curriculum, Emily is just finally starting to feel like she's got the hang of it, and could really do a great job. And with one more year of exposure and one year of tutoring, Emily could really get the hang of Spanish, too!

We hope to send a summary letter with pictures out to everyone soon. We thank EVERYONE for their prayers and financial support over the last year. God used you greatly.

Here are our prayer requests now:

Cindy: provision of work, medical care, and medicines. She will be pursuing the possibility of getting Disability status in order to help with the medical issues of RA. She is also desiring to begin work on Early Childhood Education classes as she feels she has finally found her vocation in teaching pre-k. (YEAH!) Also, the miraculous provision of a vehicle for her use (since we both sold our cars before leaving for Peru).
Emily: provision of financial support of $600 per month in order to return to MCS for one last year of teaching in Lima (and to be able to make student loan payments). Also, prayer for provision of the next step after this year: Emily is open to Mennonite Missions opportunities (especially in Peru), or in various programs in the States of teaching while getting her education degree.

We cannot thank you all enough for your support through our trials. Living and teaching in a foreign country has made a big impact on both of us, and we hope to be able to share more about our experiences with all of you!

Peru Year Three?

2009-12-22T02:28:00.002-05:00

Well, folks, Year Two in Peru is drawing to a close. I can't quite believe it!

I sent 15 more third graders off into summer vacation last Thursday. We had a bit of a roller coaster last week of school as we practiced feverishly for our Christmas Program and then had to cancel it Thursday an hour before school let out: we had a confirmed case of the swine flu, and per health regulations, suspended all activities for 8 days. Oh well.

I'm writing at this late hour before heading off into the Andes for nine days of vacation with Mom and Dad and Cindy! Yes, Cindy's back has healed so she is nearly back to where she was before her horrific herniated disk- she is still doing daily exercises but the fact that she CAN do them is a PRAISE to God! She will not be able to go on a couple of hikes, but she's able to do most. Your prayers for her and for all of us during the next nine days would be appreciated.

After returning to Lima on the 30th, I will have to make a decision regarding next year: Cindy will NOT be able to return to Peru due to her rheumatoid arthritis (RA) becoming more severe and medication needs changing. However, I have realized that I would like to have one more year of teaching third grade here, one more year of getting more involved in different ministries in areas around Lima and beyond Lima, one more year of truly studying Spanish and using it more fluently.

I've been agonizing about making a decision, and I realized recently it's not my decision, it's God's. Just like it was last February.So, after much prayer, we're doing what we did then: laying out a fleece and waiting for God's answer.

I am asking two things: 1) prayer concerning a possible way to get some support through an organization called Go World Ministries and 2) your prayerful consideration of any further financial support you could give in 2010.

I know the economy and job situation in the States is pretty terrible. If I stay, Cindy will also be trying to find ways to speak at churches, etc to help raise support for me. We do not want anyone to feel pressured to support me financially. However, God provides blessings in surprising ways, so even though I feel unbelievably unworthy to ask, I also know that God's answer to "seek and you will find" can't come if I never ask at all.

Please reply by email any of your thoughts regarding this, including any thoughts you might have on options in the States, should Peru Year Three not be in God's plan for me. I am often surprised and blessed by the insights you all have shared with me in the past.

Thank you and Merry Christmas,
Emily Leinbach

Plans for the Future

2009-12-06T23:15:00.000-05:00

God tells us not to make them. He tells us that He knows the plans He's made for us. He tells us not to worry about tomorrow, let alone the days after tomorrow. He tells us that He will provide for us even more than He provides for the lilies of the field and the birds singing in the trees outside.

And yet, we are human, and so much of our time is spent making plans. Thinking about the future. Worrying about what will happen tomorrow and in the days after tomorrow. Ensuring that my obligations are met (paying bills, etc) isn't anti-God, at least I don't think it is. God wants my testimony to be one of integrity. So of course, I should plan ahead enough to use what God has given me wisely.

The planning He doesn't want us to do is the kind that causes us anxiety, angst, and even anger. The kind that is always paired with worry. The kind of planning that we allow to lock us up, and then locked into that schedule of plans, we stop listening for the breath of Life in our lives, and we stop responding to the calling of His Spirit.

So, I've been thinking a lot about the future. Trying to make plans, to make decisions, to "know God's will" for me.

We came two years ago to Peru, committed to two years. Last year, it looked like maybe we wouldn't be able to return. God answered us in a mighty way: He provided $14,000 pledged commitments in one week. We had our direction: God provides, we go.

Now we are at the end of Peru Year Two. And Cindy is at the end of her Peru possibilities. Due to the severity of her rheumatoid arthritis, she needs different medication. The cost of obtaining these medications in Peru is prohibitive. (She received a long-awaited phone call from assistance programs on the day that our whole school was doing a special day of prayer: for the current teachers at MCS and God's plans for them. Again, God answers.) So, Cindy will be boarding a plane on January 17 and leaving to return home "for good".

Which leaves me. The principal made it very clear months ago that she was praying for miraculous provision of funds for both of us to stay. She's "accepted Cindy's departure" but isn't ready to concede yet that I won't be back. :)

For the last week or two I've been "trying to decide" what I should do: should I pursue some new avenues of financial support, should I ask the opinion of the friends and family who have already sacrificed so much to support us thus far?

And last night I went to the church of a man who works as part of the cleaning crew at the school. He asked me and several others to come to his church to speak to his young people's group about missions. I live in one of the nicest areas of Lima. His church was not. I loved it. And sitting there, singing and listening to the sharing of the "other missionaries" I realized several things.

I have always been, am now, and will always be a missionary. It's just a matter of where God puts me: close to "home" or far away, I live to be a witness to Jesus Christ, wherever He puts me and however He provides for me- jobs, gifts, lottery, whatever. My life is a mission for Christ, and I have no idea where that will take me.
I don't have to "decide what to do" because I already know what to do: go where He tells me to go. I just have to know how to hear where He tells me to go. Two years ago it was an email from a dear friend, and being laid off three days later. One year ago it was incredible provision of seemingly insurmountable financial needs. This year, it's whether God will provide $600 a month for me to return to Peru to teach the third grade class at Monterrico Christian School one more year.
I don't have to worry. God already provided a way back to Peru for me (for the first time, it was cheaper for us to get round-trip tickets, so I have a return flight already paid for). If God doesn't provide the funding support, then He doesn't want me here in Lima, He wants me somewhere else, and I'll promise to keep listening, and to go when I do hear.
I've learned this all before! Why do I forget these things?

So, here is our end of the year status: Cindy stays in the States for sure, Emily is praying a lot, and waiting a lot, and relearning to trust a lot.

Will you please pray for us?

The last two weeks of school are always hectic and stressful: tests, grades, Christmas program, packing up classrooms, etc.
MOM AND DAD ARE COMING!!!!! In one week I will be waiting at the airport for my parents! Pray for safe travels.
We have nothing solid planned for my parents, and this is also stressful: pray for provision of affordable travel on short-notice, and that God would make clear where we can also be useful to others- we want to do some "missions trip" kind of things too, not just play tourist.
Cindy's body during our travels, specifically Machu Picchu and Puno, which are mountainous.

We love you all and thank you for your prayers and support!
In Him-
Emily

nite, nite, sleep tight....

2009-11-12T22:19:00.004-05:00

...Don't let the bed bugs bite. for if they do, you'll itch your skin through, and that will be the end of you! (mentally, at least.)

I am thinking about producing a new movie in the style of the 70's thriller genre: Attack of the Killer Too-Tiny-to-See Bed Bugs.

(Cue movie trailer voice over man: In a world where beds have always provided safety and comfort, an invisible menace is launching a sinister attack... [screen fills with quick sequence shots of average-looking women screaming in anguish, fingernails encrusted with torn-open scabs and limbs covered in bloody spots of painful, tiny welts...] ...Say your prayers... evil is invisible and itchy, and beauty sleep will never be the same again.... )

I am sleeping in long pants tucked into socks, long sleeve shirts tucked into the pants, and washing my bed linens almost every three days... and still, new bites every morning! will the insanity never end???

God provides (copied from Leinbacker Sisters blog)

2009-11-07T21:57:00.001-05:00

Thank you so much for your prayers. I was surprised by the number of people who replied with a written prayer... and how much comfort I've gotten out of them... thank you!

And there were definite answers- we have found the perfect treatment- Intervertebral Decompression Device therapy, a machine called the Accu-Spina, and with Cindy's RA, it's a gift from God, because she would NOT be able to do the standard exercises usually done for herniated discs, and even laying on her stomach for the deep heat therapy and electro-therapy is incredibly difficult, and so I cannot imagine what she would be enduring without this machine.

Our chiropractor that we were introduced to last year is from the US so speaks English. He got the machine in January of this year- it's one of two in South America, the only one in Peru, and it's ten minutes from us! It has given us hope as we see improvement little by little after every therapy. Also, since Tuesday Cindy has been able to do the machine without pain so unbearable it reduced her to tears, since she went for a cortisone shot in her left knee (the one most affected by RA) and is experiencing some temporary relief.

She has not returned to school, and will not until at least Thursday, when she will perhaps go in for an hour or two. Friday is a big day in P-4 (Cindy's class) because it marks the end of studying the entire alphabet (one letter per week all year long). Cindy really wants to be able to attend school for this big party day of celebration. Prayers for this are appreciated.

And it's been good for me, to be self-sacrificial and caring for a person bedridden- I am not by nature a nurturing person. I have discovered satisfaction and happiness in being able to make meals or remember to do all the things for her that she needs. Don't get me wrong- I'll be very happy as she is slowly able to actually walk to the kitchen to get her own sandwich, but it's been good for me.

Thanks so much again for your prayers. We know and feel the prayers of all our friends and family.

Update on Cindy

2009-10-24T23:58:00.001-04:00

Hello dear friends and family. Here is an update from the Land of Peru!

Well, it's been an interesting day, to say the least. Other adjectives would include: frustrating, boring, stressful, tearful (on my part, breaking down under some stress), angering, humbling, successful, and informative. Oh, and did I mention exhausting?

Learned a lot about the WAY communication is different in the medical setting of a different country OTHER than the actual spoken language. Yes, a lot in US health care needs fixing. But man, we've got some stuff right, too.

Diagnosis definitivemente is herniated disc between the L5 and S1 vertebrae in her lower back. That's the bottom lumbar vertebra and the top sacral (better known as "tailbone") vertebra. Treatment: painkillers for the next week, learn some exercises, do these exercises pretty much forever, and lose weight. Exercising and losing weight complicated by the Rheumatoid Arthritis, since movement on a daily basis is painful, and steroids generally cause weight GAIN.

She will be discharged tomorrow morning. We will be looking into finding a pool that she can go to regularly to exercise (best option for RA). She will probably also need to be on bed rest for another day or two, so please pray for her class of four-year-olds. Prayer for our mental peace of mind (mine more than hers) is also welcome!

Here is a pretty good explanation of herniated discs, and a picture of an MRI and illustration of a herniated disc in the place Cindy's is. http://www.mayfieldclinic.com/PE-HLDisc.htm

On a different note: will you please join us in prayer this week for our future beyond December? And also for the school's future overall. There is a man coming to visit this week who is the president of an organization that financially supports missionary endeavors and missionaries. He happened to meet in the airport the husband of one of our Peruvian teachers several months ago and has asked to come to the school and to talk to me and Cindy.

Thank you all for your prayers and concern. The responses we have received have been so encouraging. I need to be at the hospital at 7:30 tomorrow, so I'm not replying to all of them individually, but I am so grateful for them. Thank you!

Emily and Cindy

2009-10-23T22:07:00.001-04:00

Hello everyone.

I am really not a very good missionary as far as updating the people who have played a part in my life. Here's the low-down on the situation this evening in Peru.

What I wrote on Facebook:

Most of you know that a year ago Cindy was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. It has been difficult watching her body fink out on her over the past sixteen months, even with the RA meds that she's been taking, she is in near-constant pain. This past week, a different kind of pain started coming off and on and then pretty much on starting last night. This morning she was in tears and in pain no matter what position she was in: standing, sitting, lying down, etc. It's pain deep inside her left leg.

This morning she went with a Peruvian friend to clinic, which is what they call hospital. They wanted to admit her overnight; we were told at first because they thought it was sciatic nerve issue and since she was on so many other meds for the RA, they wanted her in clinic overnight. So she was admitted. AFTER paying a sizable deposit.

Well, after a very frustrating four hours spent with her at clinic, and another spanish-speaking-friend's help, we have discovered that really, they haven't decided what's wrong with her, they need to do an MRI, and the MRI isn't in the clinic (usually in Peru the MRI is not at the actual hospital, it's in an MRI center) and so we have to go to another place to get the MRI and WHY on EARTH they didn't send her this afternoon to get an MRI?????? is beyond me...

Anyway. Her RA doctor was there with the other doctor, and neither one thinks this pain has anything to do with the RA. Like she needs anything else wrong with her body.

PLEASE PRAY for both of us, for the people around us, and for the doctors and medical staff we encounter. I am scared, because not only do I have NO IDEA what's wrong but also because I cannot be effective in advocating for her treatment with my very limited Spanish.

Thank you.

And now how I really feel: absolutely scared out of my wits. and angry. Like cindy doesn't have enough to deal with???? Is her middle name Job??? I'm really not at all confident in this situation- we've never had a problem with the RA doctor at Tezza, but I have little peace with the situation she's in now. I know part of that is just because I'm worried about her and I can't communicate in Medical Spanish. But it's more than that- it's the whole vibe of the place, of the way the nurses reacted or did NOT react.... I understand now why no one ever wants to leave their sick folks alone at a clinic here in Peru... Hearing that "we don't know" what's wrong didn't help either. And now she called to say they can't take her to do the MRI until tomorrow morning, which means another day staying at the hospital, and my cynical side says "yeah, another day in the clinic, more money for them, so of course they won't do it until tomorrow..." She has insurance, but it reimburses after the fact, so it's also the stress of making sure we've always got access to cash for whatever they need to do next...

Until today, our big prayer request would have been "guidance for what on earth we're supposed to do after December" and "miraculous provision of the next-level RA drugs that Cindy needs but that are exorbitantly expensive". And really, those both still apply. The school would love to have us another year (my third grade class wants to have a garage sale to help "pay for me") and we've got nothing job-wise looking good for us in the States. But we can NOT ask our friends and family alone to support us for another year. So, we're unsure of what our next move will be.

Cindy's RA is so severe that all of the drugs available to her now are no longer inhibiting the disease at all. It's barely controlling the pain. But affording the next-level of drugs is WAY beyond our ability, even here in lower-cost Peru. Only God can provide that. We are currently pursing several assistance options through the drug companies and through the Peru ministry of health and hoping God will use that option in a miraculous way.

It's tough living with a loved one in chronic pain. I am trusting God to provide for both of us. (I believe, help my unbelief, ya know?) (I miss my parents and family tonight!)

A happy note: I had to leave school early today, and left a sub with my class. When I told them why I was leaving (Miss Cindy's in the clinica), every one of their faces showed sincere concern and two of them said "we should pray for her". And as I left the room, that's what they were doing. (When I asked who would like to pray, seven hands went up! My class this year has truly been a blessing.

I just talked to Cindy- she told me not to come back, that she's just going to sleep with all the pain killers, and when she heard the tears in my voice actually said to me "Emily, call me if you need anything- God is a loving and faithful God." SHE is comforting ME! So, I suppose I shall go to bed since I've got to be at the clinic in the morning at 8.

Love to you all,
Emily Leinbach (and Cindy)

I am a terrible missionary....

2009-10-04T18:07:00.000-04:00

Oh, wait, that sounds like i'm a terrible missionary because I'm not sharing the Gospel- I'm doing THAT. I'm just not sharing anything else! Like, I'm not sharing my experiences with anyone through any of the multiple ways open and available to me through modern technology. Facebook, email, my blogs, the Internet phone we can use just like we're in the States...

I am a terrible communicator, and for that I am truly sorry. I tend to think this way: I want to share all this stuff with people, but i'm really tired or don't have very much time, and i won't be able to write it all, so i will just wait til later...

BUT LATER NEVER HAPPENS. Yes, I realize the complete silliness of this. I am going to try something new: tidbits.

Today's tidbits:
-How did I ever think that sweet potato was yucky????
-THE SUN IS OUT TODAY! cindy and i went out and sat in the park for more than half and hour just to BE in the sunshine...
-I should have brought that gorgeous purple formal dress I bought for $2.50 at Goodwill two years ago... Peruvian women DRESS UP for weddings!
-I really really don't like the whole "grading" part of being a teacher...
-It's sad when you're left speechless after watching the "in memory" montage of the Emmy's (repeated here a few days after the event) because you had NO IDEA that all those people were dead! Bea Arthur?!? (I'm so sorry, Meg!) Ed McMahon? I can't even remember the rest, because there were so many!

My goal is to do tidbits on a regular basis. Nothing deep or profound, but at least it's something!
Love you all!
Emily

weirdest things make you miss people...

2009-06-15T23:50:00.002-04:00

So, sometimes the weirdest things trigger rather intense feelings of homesick "i miss so-and-so".

For example:

We have a(nother) new roommate (bringing the total population of our three-bedroom apartment to FIVE women for the next five weeks). This new roommate has a MAC notebook (laptop, for those of you not Mac literate.) It's white, just like Dana's old one. It "breathes", just like Dana's old one. Seeing it sitting around the apartment makes me very very homesick for Dana.
At school three days a week we have after school beginning gymnastic classes. Just walking past the room where the class is held and seeing the little girls doing all the same exercises (just in Spanish) as another little girl used to do them makes me very very homesick for Holly. How's life going in teenager land?
Every year there's a huge garage sale that the missionary population of Lima has- as different families come and go. Last year we got some great things for very cheap. This year I was thrilled to find (squeamish males look away) boxes and boxes and boxes of the exact kind of feminine hygiene product i need- and each box for only ONE SOL!!!! (That's about 30 cents, folks... when a little 8 pack of OB down here costs 13 soles... these boxes of 24 and 40 were going for ONE SOL!!!!) It was a gift from the Tampon Fairy- and made me miss two very dear cousins... I won't embarrass them by naming names. :)
The same new roommie previously mentioned also brought dvds of the Anne of Green Gables movies, and we watched the first movie over the weekend. It's been awhile since i've seen them, and it made me miss my one-time kindred spirit. I hope she's doing well with her husband and (hopefully still alive) brain-damaged cat. Mwaouw.
Same roommie is from the Warsaw IN area (yeah small world) and mentioned tonight at dinner that she had gone up to see Chicago at the Elkhart County Fair... and that just made me homesick for Indiana long summer days and for everyone i've ever gone to the Fair with...

Just funny what little things can cause a spontaneous mental (or real) tear to spring to the eye. Love you all!

Happening in Third Grade...

2009-06-08T00:17:00.003-04:00

I had to say goodbye to one of my students last Friday- his family is moving to Canada! I really and truly will miss him- I loved his attitude and smile and sense of humor and work. We had a big ole party for him at the end of the day, which we'd planned for all week (mothers involved and everything) and STILL managed to keep a secret from Patrick! It was so much fun. We had a cake, and one of the mothers took last year's class picture, photoshopped me into it with his second grade teacher, and got it framed with a mat that we could all sign. All the kids had made cards or letters at home for him and brought them in and then we took a picture of all of us in the classroom. And then we prayed for him. I started, and told the kids that if they wanted to say a short prayer for him, to raise their hands and I'd say their name. About six kids did that, including one boy that is new this year and not from a believing background, but had become good friends with Patrick. It was so beautiful to be able to do that, to encourage them to pray for each other, and to hear Patrick say "It doesn't matter where we are, God is still with us."

It's been one week without him, and we said several times every day "I miss Patrick".

The only good thing about it is that now i have 16 students, which (unlike 17) CAN be evenly divided into rows, or work groups, etc. *grin*

This week in third grade we are learning about classifying animals, how to divide words into syllables, adding -ing to words, all about the trials of Job, and we are starting a new grammar chapter (yeah action verbs!). The verb chapter has baseball as its theme and so a lot of the sentences use baseball words and verbs. That's great for the USofA, but here in Peru- well, i spend as much time explaining the game of baseball and the vocab in the practice pages as I do explaining the actual lesson! *grin* I wish I had one of those World Series dvd things from when the White Sox won... we could watch it as a Grammar movie!

Fish Flu????

2009-05-03T09:31:00.002-04:00

Okay, I know that the big news right now is the "swine flu" but I think that another tragedy might be getting lost in the glare of the piggy sickness. I am talking about the very real and odorific Fish Flu.

No, there is not a shred of scientific data to back this up, no 24/7 media coverage, no CDC and WHO verification- just the irrefutable evidence of my aromatic sensors. For close to a week now, becoming emergent in the dead, dark hours of the early early morning, and strengthening into the mid-morning, the olfactory evidence permeates the Lima air; how can we go on ignoring this? The level of the disgusting odor can only be attributed to widespread fishy death and decay- yes, I believe we are facing a massive crisis, the beginning stages of Fish Flu! Why is no one helping the little guys?

Ok, so seriously, all kidding aside, the last week every morning it has smelled like the ocean. Now, every once in a while, we here in Monterrico are treated to the pleasant scent of the Pacific, some five miles away. It is a truly nice, oceany scent, causing one to want to immediately stop all activities and proceed post haste to the coast.

But not this week. No, this week it smells like the ocean downcurrent of a sewage or chemical plant- an ocean so fetid that all marine life is bobbing along on the surface, floating in bloated testimony to the inevitable end of all mortal creatures. This week it is the scent of ocean beaches full of washed up half-decayed fish flesh that infiltrates our homes and schools, causing us to wince in the still hours of our night's sleep and sending us burrowing under our covers to use our sheets as makeshift gas masks.

No one seems to know the source of this mysterious pungency; so I am left to conclude the obvious: it must be a terrible new illness, killing massive amounts of fish, which the government and worldwide health agencies are engaging in equally massive conspiracies in order to cover up. The world is already on the edge of panic due to the little piggy sickness: a Fish Flu crisis would send it over the edge into full-blown hysteria.

And if you believe that, I've got some very fertile, green, Eden-like property down here in Lima that I'm selling at a bargain basement prices! (Folks, Lima is a desert, getting less than an inch of rain every year.)

Nevertheless, the aromatic facts of this account are true. It smells kinda like a dogfood factory. I used to live near one, so I know this to be true. And it doesn't smell nice.

Well, it's been fun! Tune in next time for another installment of the Mad Musings of MLE.

One year ago today...

2009-03-22T13:22:00.002-04:00

On March 22, which was a Saturday, Cindy and I (along with some amazing friends from church) emptied our apartment in Chicago, loaded up a moving truck with all of our stuff, and headed to Indiana, where we unloaded all that stuff into our parents' garage and basement, and tried to wrap our heads around the fact that in 4 days we would be moving out of the COUNTRY.

wow. what a difference a year makes.

If you say that "a year ago today" is the actual DAY, meaning SUNDAY, then a year ago was Easter and we were spending it with the Leinbach clan at Granma and Grandpa's house, which they sold and moved out of about 6 months later. Happy memories of that day, playing games and chasing little girls around the house.

Strange to think that a year ago I had never met any of the children or staff that now make up my daily existence. It is VERY VERY nice, however, to start the school year WITH my class actually at the beginning of the school year! *grin*

We do still need a fifth grade teacher, and a Kindergarten teacher. These classes right now are more than adequately covered, but not ideally covered. They are sharing English teachers between two classes; this teaches adequately, but is not ideal for the students in each class as far as the relationship with the teacher, etc. So, we're praying for a fifth grade teacher (so our roommie Heidi can just be a fourth grade teacher instead of a language arts teacher for 4th, 5th, and 6th grade).

I need to go back to grading my math papers! Just thought I'd send a brief note about what we were doing last year! Thanks to all of you who helped us during that very stressful time of deadlines and goodbyes.

love to all,
emily

83.3

2009-03-14T11:18:00.002-04:00

Degrees F right now here in my bedroom. That's with the blinds closed to block the sun and the fan going. BUT it isn't too humid, so that's great. i'm enjoying the warm weather (except for the two hours on weekday afternoons when it gets horrifically hot and humid and there's so little air movement in my classroom that all 18 of us in the room are just turning into little piles of sticky nothingness and getting 17 little sticky piles of nothingness to do reading lessons just isn't fun).

two weeks of school are done! 38 more to go! Friday was a very good day, praise Jesus, and i'm feeling hopeful and excited about the prospects of my classroom this year! new year, new class, new routines, all things that I am trying to figure out as we go... Friday there were several moments of "ah ha! THAT'S how i can do that!" in my daily routines with the kids. i have a total of 12 girls and 5 boys! (that's better than the 15 girls and 3 boys i was expecting!) three of the boys are new students from non-Christian homes, and it's interesting to see them learn how to use a Bible, memorize verses, listen to well-known stories for the first time (Jonah, for example). I am also learning to appreciate girls more, and to have more patience with them in groups! (don't know why, buy i have more patience with boys in classroom settings...)

please continue to pray for "my boys" that I taught last year. the now-fourth-graders are still the same old boys, with only 2 girls this year, and yesterday saw the first major "incident" involving at least 4 of them and at least 2 sets of parents. Pray particulary for salvation for all the boys (i don't want to give specific names) because there are two in particular who derive great pleasure in the control they have over manipulating the tempers of their classmates, pressing buttons until explosions occur. It makes me so sad to see; even more sad is that one of the boys who IS saved and has a sweet heart will follow his non-saved friend's example in this respect, and seems to be doing so even more this year than last. Pray also for the ONE girl in the class that was here last year: she misses the other two from last year (one is in the States, one's family is experiencing financial hardship and can't afford tuition) and the new girl isn't exactly the optimal personality match. So please pray for Maia.

I am excited to begin to know all my "new kids" and look forward to sharing them with all of you. I will be dumping our camera into the computer later today, so hope to upload some pics soon!

with love and thanks to all of my friends who are family and family who are friends,
emily

Another Step of Faith

2009-02-03T20:33:00.004-05:00

Well, as of now, we are planning to go back to Lima for a second year of teaching!

No, we haven't raised the full amount of support we need (a little less than $14000), but in seven days we received commitments for a little more than HALF of it. We're taking that as a confirmation of God's provision and direction for the next eleven months (to go back).

If you are one of the people who have generously pledged to support us, THANK YOU. Please go ahead and fulfill those pledges at this time; make checks out to either Emily OR Cindy and mail them to us at our parents' address. (If you need this address, please email me.)

Please continue to visit http://www.peruleinbachsisters.blogspot.com/ for support updates and information on our return.

Love to you all!

Please check out the Leinbach Sisters Blog

2009-01-30T12:30:00.000-05:00

I am overwhlemed; Thank You!

Please go here http://peruleinbachsisters.blogspot.com/ for daily information about how much we have had pledged to us for our return to Peru this year.

Peru comes to US

2009-01-04T21:52:00.003-05:00

There's a double meaning to the title of this post: I was going to write Peru comes to Chicago, but the events didn't all happen in Chicago. Then I thought Michigan, but not all in michigan either. So I just decided to say that Peru comes to us (as in the plural pronoun) and realized (hee hee) is can capitalize that and give it double meaning!

Last weekend, our roommate in Peru (and veteran missionary teacher that really really helped us survive) Katie Brink arrived at O'Hare with her fiance, Jose Manuel (who is Peruvian). Cindy and I had so much fun meeting them at the airport and shuttling them around city until her parents got into town SUnday afternoon. We stayed the night in the apartmnet of friends of ours from church who were out of town, went to our chicago church on sunday, took them down to the HAncock center adn then sent them UP to the observation deck as a wedding surprise gift. We ran out of time, but KAtie's parents arrived (driving on their way from Colorado) to pick them up nad take them to Grand Rapids, where the wedding was to be held.

So, yesterday, Cindy, me, Mom and Dad, and Heidi (our other roommate from PEru who came down to Indiana from Chicago to drive to the wedding with us) drove a nice 2 hours to the church where KAtie's long-distance wedding came together in wonderful style! Our head principal, NAncy Miller, was also there, up from Ohio where she's spending the last of her furlough time. It was a little of our Peru life here in the States, and what a pleasure to share some of those people with our parents! And what an honor to be there to support Katie, and even MORE importantly, Jose Manuel, whose family will not celebrate with him until the wedding celebration in Peru on January 24. I was so thankful that NAncy and the rest of us could provide at least four familiar faces from his life in Peru.

Please note; this is a copy of the post I just left on the Leinbach Sisters blog. Forgive the duplication. I couldn't add pics tonight. I'll try tomorrow.

FOUR MONTHS?

2008-11-16T22:21:00.003-05:00

Say it ain't so!!!

I am so very sorry for the lengthy absence. Getting to the internet has been difficult, and it hasn't been high on my priority list. For that, I apologize. Please make sure you have visited our combined blog for Cindy's recent update with pictures! http://peruleinbachsisters.blogspot.com/

Our computer appears to be acutally working correctly in all the right ways. Please Lord, may it continue to be so. It's really affected our productivity, our communication with family and friends, and our mental health to be so disconnected and frustrated on so many fronts with our technology since moving to Lima. But, we're on the home stretch (hopefully) of things starting to come together, beginning with our computer working well. whoo hoo!

AND we're on the home stretch of our first year of teaching. we have only 17 days of school left. Yes, I am freaking out. I have so much that I didn't get done that I wanted to get done. And i'm going through a little bit of "I won't be able to do this with my kids" as i realize that after 17 school days i won't be their teacher anymore, and i won't get to see my boys (and three girls) every day... yes, they are a very challenging group of students, but they are such a WONDERFUL group of students, too! I love them all and will miss them terribly. So i'm trying to start looking forward to next year's third grade: all 18 of them... and this time, only three BOYS. what a difference! and i'm not sure i really want 15 girls to three boys any more than i wanted 9 boys to three girls... oh well. it will be different, that's for sure.

But i'll miss my boys. a lot.

please pray for me an dmy class over these last four weeks before school ends, our Christmas program occurs, and Cindy and I board a plane for Chicago. SO MUCH has to be done before then. There's some issues of an interpersonal nature that also need to be reconciled over the next weeks, in regards to some students and their families. PLEASE keep these things in your mind and prayers.

Things are getting better. It was a rough time for a while. I think i've just now started to realize just HOW rough of a time we went through, just how MUCH stress my brain and body were operating under... I'm praising God that I made it through with as little collateral damage as there appears to be! :)

Also, our roommate Katie (the teacher who's been here for three years already) is getting married in January. We are thrilled for her and Jose Manuel, but will miss living with her very much! Prayers for them would be great as they plan their wedding long-distance (it will be in Michigan) and also try to prepare here and find a place to live, etc. happily for us, since it's in Michigan, we'll get to go! YEAH!

Well, it's 10:30 and i need to go to bed so that i'll be able to hop out of bed in the morning! (yeah, right... like i EVER 'hop' out of bed!!!)

Love to you all, and thank you for your prayers even though i was MIA. -emily.

Say it ain't so!!!

2008-07-29T23:26:00.007-04:00

*Sigh*
Football season just isn't going to satisfy the way it should this year. Watching my Denver Broncos just ain't gonna be the same... the last enduring vestiges of the "SuperBowl" dominant era with John Elway have fallen away from the Blue and Orange.

First, Lynch retires. sigh. Then, Elam defects to the Falcons. argh! and now, Rod Smith announces his retirement. NOOOOO!!!!!!

sigh. Broncos just ain't gonna be the same this year... no 47, 1, or 80...

and i didn't get ANY of their jerseys!

Geez, more than a month gone by...

2008-07-28T01:29:00.003-04:00

I'm really sorry. the last month has been tough. cindy's been in tons of pain, and that affects me too, and it's been hard for either of us to feel like sitting down nad writing about how painful life is.

Many of you have been praying for Cindy's health- Thank you! It is improving! She is still in pain, but not nearly as much, and her feet are so much improved!

I'd like to direct you to the Leinbach Sister Blog and to the latest group of pictures posted from our Independence Day Celebration at school.

Fiestas Patrias: Independence Day Celebration!

I will write more later, but for now, the pictures and post at the Leinbach Sisters blog will have to suffice! Thanks for all your prayers and support!!!! I love you all!

Wow, it's the first day of summ--- I mean, winter...

2008-06-21T23:38:00.002-04:00

How depressing... it's the first day of winter here. I've been organizing some photos on my computer, and looking at the summery greens and blue skies is a little disheartening... it's been since last Sunday that we've actually seen sunshine here, and that's par for the course during the winter in Lima. Last Sunday was glorious- not winter at all. This past week it's also been raining. mind you, not really raining as in midwest rain (and the midwest has had more than it's fair share lately), but for Lima, the rain here has been unusually long in duration and heavy in amount. that means that it's drizzled more than just in the early morning. it's actually drizzled in the afternoon, too, sometimes for hours at a time. no, not a midwest thunderstorm, but it's enough to make everything wet and puddle-ly and that's not good for recess and it's not good for the cabin-feverness attitude of my third-graders! :)

cindy and i do kind of laugh, though, and the people wearing full-length raincoats and getting out umbrellas... oy. it is humid, though, and that makes for a permeating coldness that creates a real longing for the sunshine!!!

here are a few pictures taken in the last two weeks. our thanks to our newest roommate Heidi for taking some pictures of us with her camera.

Now it becomes difficult...

2008-05-29T22:11:00.003-04:00

And now it becomes difficult

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Tuesday afternoon in my classroom: I am cleaning off my desk at the end of the day. I open my lesson plan book to put some papers to grade inside the back cover to take home with me. But there in the back cover are two pieces of paper with color the same color photo printed on each: cindy, dad, and me, dressed in our warmest Denver Bronco blue and orange clothes, standing in front of Soldier Field in Chicago. We are on our way into the Bears-Broncos game on November 25 of last year. I look at the picture, and remember that it was from Mike, my dad’s cousin, who took the picture and used the fourth ticket for the game. Of course, he was rooting for the Bears, but we didn’t mind- so were tens of thousands of other people at the game. :) I put the pictures back in the lesson plan book, and think to myself, “I’ve got to email Mike and ask him for the electronic files for the pictures he took that day.” He was the only one with a camera, and he took several pictures at my request of Jason Elam, the Broncos (now former) place kicker, who was one of my favorite players. He also took some pictures of us in the stands. I laugh as I think about how COLD we were that Sunday afternoon. How the second quarter it actually rained a light constant cold rain and we were very wet, which made us very cold. I kept thinking that Mike was going to wish he’d turned down the ticket. But dad said later that they both had a good time. Mike’s a big Bears fan, and he enjoyed it.

I have Spanish tutoring after school on Tuesday, so I rush home and have my two hours of Spanish class, then cindy and I go run some errands. I forget to log on to look through my email from family members looking for Mike’s email address in the header of one of the mass mailings. Probably, I think, it will be in the one that Anita sent out about the Christmas gathering in January. Anita is married to Mike’s younger brother Jim, so I’m sure that she’d have included Mike in the email, and I’m relatively sure Mike HAS email…

So, yesterday, at school, I see the pictures again, when I take the papers that I graded out of my lesson plan book. And I think again, I’ve got to remember to get Mike’s email and ask him for more pictures. My computer is at home, and I’m at school, and I end up not leaving school until 9:45 p.m. (Yes, I know that’s late. But I was on a roll, and very productive.) Needless to say, I didn’t think about emailing anyone when I got home. I pretty much came home and got ready for bed. “I’ll email Mike tomorrow about the pictures, and copy dad on the message, just in case Mike’s already given them to him, and then he can just reply to both of us that he has them so Mike doesn’t have to send them to me.”

Today at school the pictures fell out of the back of my lesson plan book, and one of the kids picked them up for me. They’ve seen them before (the first time they fell out weeks and weeks ago) and so they all know the story and who’s in the pictures, etc. So Diego smiles and says “oh Miss Leinbach, this was when you went to the American football game with your father and the other Miss Leinbach.” (Isn’t that funny- “the other Miss Leinbach”? but what else can they call her? Sometimes they call her the P4 Miss Leinbach.) “Yes it was, Diego.” “Yeah, and but your team was not the one to win.” (love that ESL English). “No, my team didn’t win” I say laughing, thinking: geez, kid, thanks for reminding me! and I’ve really got to get the rest of the pics from Mike so I can show them to the class.

Sometimes I stay late after school (like yesterday) but I was exhausted today and wanted to just come home and take a nap, so I left around 3:40. I cross the street to the park facing the school and begin walking down the path toward my apartment. Thirty yards into it, I catch sight of cindy walking toward me. Her classes end at one, so she’s home earlier than I am. Why is she coming back to school? I wonder if she’s coming to ask me if I’m staying til 9:30 again, and if so, can we go get something to eat NOW.

“I’m happy to see you leaving school now,” she says.
“Why?”
“Well, cuz you tend to stay at school very late sometimes. Actually, a lot of the time.”
“Yeah, well, I have a lot of stuff to do, and it isn’t ever done. I have a lot to do today, too, but I’m so tired, all my body and brain want to do is go home and take a nap.”
“Ah. Okay. Um, they found Mike Ramer in his house dead today.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
And now it becomes difficult.
Death visits my family and I can’t visit them.

Mike is the son of my grandmother’s sister. Heart disease runs in my grandmother’s family history. Her father died of a heart attack relatively young- like 60? My father, as most of you know, had quadruple heart bypass surgery a year ago last September, and only did NOT have a massive heart attack by the grace and mercy of God. Mike lived in the home that his parents had lived in until their deaths, first Walter, then Elsie years later. Lots of good memories in that house. His brother Jim, went over to the house this afternoon and found Mike. Apparently he had died during the night. Heart attack? Don’t know. I know only what I’ve written, what mom emailed to us as soon as Grandma called her, as soon as Jim called her. I am glad that it was Jim, the veteran firefighter, who found him, not his sister Janet. Janet lives just a mile down the same road as Mike. She just retired and is enjoying cooking classes. She makes the awesomest jams and jellies and wonderful hand-sewn potholders. I brought two of her potholders with me, just to have a bit of Janet with us here in Peru. But I digress.

Janet and Mike are both single. Janet always has been, and Mike was married years and years ago but has been single for the duration of my generation’s experience with him. Because they are both single, the kids in my generation tend to like them a lot- single aunts and uncles are always more fun. Granted, they were “Cousin Janet” and “Cousin Mike”. Mike was the one who helped with fireworks. Mike was the one who made his own potato launcher guns and brought them to grandma and grandpa’s house to fire off potatoes into the field behind their back yard. Mike was the one who, every year for Christmas for years on end, would bring brown paper lunch bags stuffed to overflowing with candy- one for each person. And not cheap yucky candy, he used good stuff. The last few Christmas gifts from him were pints of real maple syrup, with a homemade custom label- syrup he’d made from the maple trees he tapped. He went to a sugar shack that a friend of his had, took all his syrup over and combined it with theirs, and helped make the syrup, and then got a take of the product. This past year, Dad started doing the same thing with his syrup. Instead of dad standing out by the fire in the back yard for hours on end, boiling sugar-water, he loaded up the five-gallon buckets full of sugar water every day and took them over to Mike’s sugar shack. No, it wasn’t really “Mike’s” sugar shack, but that’s what we called it, since it was through Mike that Dad started doing it. Mike was a welder, and had quite the shop on his property, and Cindy asked him this last winter if she could come and learn to weld from him. Who knows when- just sometime in the future, could I come hang out at your shop and learn from you? (she’s always wanted to learn to weld. Go figure.) so, yeah, sometime in the future, mike would be happy to show her what welding is all about.

Except now, there is no future sometime. There is only an unexpected funeral to plan, and an unexpected hole in our lives. And I am thousands of miles away, and cannot be at the funeral, cannot be with the family to grieve and to celebrate my Cousin Mike’s life and wonderful spirit. I can’t go play games at Grandma’s and talk and remember her nephew Mike, unexpectedly gone to be with our God in the company of angels. I can’t give my Cousin Janet a hug. I won’t be there on the fourth of July when there’s no potato gun. I won’t be there for mush breakfasts where the dry humor of the men in our extended family will no longer include Mike. I am far away. And besides, I don’t want Mike to be dead. His nephew’s children need to know their Uncle Mike. His nephews and surviving niece (one niece passed away in 1995(?) after heart/lung transplant complications) need to continue to know their Uncle Mike as adults- it’s so different than when you’re a kid. He was solid. He exuded silent loyalty- you knew he’d be there for those he loved. His presence was always one of quiet, just-under-the-surface gentle, happy, mirth. Our gatherings need him. We need him. We don’t want him to be dead.

I’d somewhat prepared myself for the circumstance of a family member dying while I was in Peru. But I’d been thinking about Grandpa and Grandma (especially Grandpa, since he was in the hospital when we left for Lima). I’d prepared myself somewhat, knowing as I hugged and kissed goodbyes that when you’ve got more than eighty years of life, every hug and kiss might be the last. I’m not ready to start losing the other people in my life- the ones that AREN’T dying at an old age. I dealt with the specter of sudden death a year and a half ago when Dad’s surgery prevented a heart attack at a location cardiologists call “the Widow Maker”. My mind played through the scenarios of losing my father, losing my mother, before they were 85 years old. Of losing them while I was “still young”. My friends have lost grandparents, sure, but my parents were both blessed with parents who lived fairly long lives. They were blessed with their presence well into their own adulthood. My mom’s dad died in 1992 or 1993(?), but then her mother lived until just two years ago. My dad’s parents are living well into their eighties, and have mostly been in relatively good health. I’m not ready to start losing the next generation, my parents’ generation. I want my family to always be here. And they won’t be. I will go to Peru, and things will change. I will go to Chicago, and things will change. I could live next door, and things will change.

I don’t especially enjoy change.
And I really don’t enjoy unexpected change.

Death for me is not frightening, not when I know Jesus is escorting that person to his Father. Death is loss and change over which I have no control. If I didn’t have the peace of the Holy Spirit living in me, the fear of that certain but unpredictable loss and change would paralyze me. I realized that sitting in the surgery waiting room during Dad’s surgery, and then four days later sitting at the funeral of my mother’s younger brother Bob, who died after a long struggle with cancer. It would freeze me emotionally, were it not for the peace of God in me that assures me that He will help me through anything that happens, and that separation from my loved ones is only temporary. I have to focus on that peace, on that promise, on my Savior, my God, and my Advocate (the Holy Spirit of God within me). I have to focus and dwell in their sustaining presence and power, so that I will learn to live through the loss and change of the unexpected and expected but still unwanted deaths that will only become more frequent as the years proceed.

Lord, help me live my days loving those around me, living in their presence and appreciating their life and love. Help me live in the peace of Your care. Help me be thankful for the opportunity to see them and love them and be blessed by them and be a blessing to them every time I meet them. Or email them. Or call them. Help me remember that every day is a gift from you, our merciful God, and that you will call all your children home sometime in the future. Help me remember that “sometime in the future” has to at some time also be “today”. Help me remember that with you, there is an after “sometime” that will go on for all future. That that is truly my future. It is truly the future of everyone.

But God, I wouldn’t mind if you allowed my family to have a lengthy future here on earth.
:)

And now it becomes difficult.

MORE PICTURES! (of the school)

2008-05-02T20:53:00.003-04:00

Now there are some pictures of the school! How exciting!
This will help me feel better about writing for a solid hour yesterday morning and having everything disappear from my screen as i'm literally typing my closing. It's nowhere to be found. i was in such a state yesterday that i must admit, after losing an hour's worth of writing to you all, a few tears of frustration were shed. (this was not the computer's fault- it was Blogger's...)

Anyway, some pics of our new school. we feel a little like we live here. Click the link below to see all the pics BIG and read the descriptions.

Go here for pictures of our apartment

2008-04-26T19:25:00.004-04:00

Here are some pictures of the inside of our GREAT apartment in Lima. click the link above for bigger pics with captions describing them!

Go here to see some pictures!

2008-04-11T23:24:00.003-04:00

So I've figured out that Picasa is really quite wonderful. (Thanks Dana! your posting your England pics on Picasa made me curious, and lo- there on my Programs Menu was a Picasa option! It is wonderful and easy to use and my new best friend. well, you know what i mean.)

so there are some pictures on my picasa web album that you may see by clicking the link or entering the address http://picasaweb.google.com/leinbacker in the future. There are only a few pictures there right now. I will add some more tomorrow. but as i'm writing this, a video clip is uploading (17% done). this is exciting because i've tried several different ways to post some video, and this one seems to actually be working. we'll see. (18% done)

WARNING: the video may not be for the motion-sick-inclined (Melissa!). Although, it is pretty short, so prolly won't be a vomit-inducing event. The 6 minute video we have of take-off from Ft. Lauderdale on the other hand, well- Lis should never watch that. (It's WAY too big to post though, so you won't have to worry!)

We are still not up and running with our telephone. I spent some time on it tonight and realized that the power lights weren't even coming on. (on the Vonage router) I think it's because the transformer we'd been using is not good- it was left by a former teacher and pulled out of a drawer the first day we were here. i'd never really looked at it, and Katie (our roommate) says that she thinks she remembers that it didn't always work well. oy. So, my next move is to go and shell out some cash for a transformer (sorry, Kris, the one you gave me isn't big enough for the router) and then try the installation/hook-up again. Don't know when that will happen.

BUT- if you call the phone numbers, YOU CAN LEAVE US MESSAGES AND WE GET THEM VIA EMAIL! Vonage sends us your messages as email attachments, so that we hear your voices coming right out of our computer! SO- i know you would love to hear from us, and believe me we'd love to call you all! BUT you CAN call and leave messages and we'd get to hear your voices! and that would be groovy! So far we have amessage from Dana (yes, you were the FIRST message on our new phone!) and Kris. So, please, feel free to call! (If you don't have the numbers, email me- i don't want to post them.)

Don't let the scary-sounding man on the greeting scare you- it's just Kris. He recorded a little greeting for us since we can't do it ourselves. (Now the video is 25% done!)

Okay, so i am really tired (what's new?) and cindy and i are planning on going into the school around nine tomorrow (yes, a saturday) to do some work, so i should have been in bed an hour ago. i just got so excited about sharing pictures, i couldn't go to bed without uploading some!

I love you all, and even though i'm too busy to always consciously think about missing you, my soul is missing all of my friends and family every day. when we stop and think about it, we miss everyone too much to stop and think about it! not being able to talk via telephone has really made that worse. thank you, God, for giving us the email we've got! (And i did sort of "talk" to Lisa Martin tonight- read an email, replied, and minutes later read her reply. nice to know she's there with me in the moment.)

(29% uploaded. I'm leaving it to it's uploading and going to bed.)

Buenes noches! (i *think* that's spelled correctly.)
emily

Earthquake drills

2008-04-11T20:27:00.002-04:00

So, in Peru, the kids have earthquake drills. no tornado drills needed. i don't even know if there are fire drills- seeing as how it's all open-air set up anyway, so you go out my classroom door and you are outside. but we have earthquake drills! on Monday we had an earthquake drill during class time. today we had a drill during lunch time. i'm going to try to upload some pictures.

Please see the Leinbach Sisters blog

2008-04-06T23:34:00.002-04:00

Please see the Leinbach Sisters Blog entry "Technical Difficulties".
Going to bed now.

And now I live in Peru

2008-03-31T22:02:00.003-04:00

Lima, Peru. It's been easier in ways and harder in ways than I was expecting. Easier in having the apartment and school feel like "home". Harder in that I severely underestimated how exhausted I would be. Always. Every Day. Over and over again, needing naps and fighting to stay awake. It's been such a blessing that we are surrounded by people who have done this before: Katie, our roommate is starting her third year teaching 2nd grade; Ivan and Kristie came down 14 months ago; and Rich and JoAnn Davis who are long-time veterans at several decades of experience in South and Central America. And they have all told us: the exhaustion is normal, it will last for at least several months, you just have to be aware of it and take care of yourself accordingly. So, it's good to know that what I'm feeling is normal. But, I'd rather be feeling fully rested and energetic.

Also, harder than I thought is the fact that Peru has earthquakes. Wasn't really fully aware of that until we got here and Thursday morning Katie told us what to do in case of a tremor, just so we'd be prepared. Well, ok. Just in case. She says a really big one hit last year and so we're not due for another for like 30 years. But tremors can happen. Ok. Whatever.

Didn't expect to experience two within 48 hours of that conversation. Friday night at 1:44 a.m. it woke me up. The noise was really the most surprising. Windows rattling, but something else, too. Just not right. So Katie comes and tells us yes that was a tremor, and if another doesn't start within a minute or so, we're likely done. ok. nothing else so i went back to bed. I had to take a little bit to write in my journal, because it unsettled me (no pun intended) more than i thought it would. Then, SAturday morning I was awoken again by another stronger one, just before 7:00 a.m. A little longer, stronger. Long enough for KAtie and I to get to the living room and sit down in front of the couch. Cindy was otherwise occupied. Check out her blog for more on that. (www.zeeblebop.com)

Saturday was very tiring all around, mostly i think because of the unsettling way it started. But it ended very well: we went to a "youth" meeting at the church affiliated with the school. In Peru, "youth group" is basically anyone who is single, from like age age 20 to 40. It was all in Spanish, but Katie translated for us, and I even got a lot out of the Pastor's talk, and enjoyed the singing. They had a small group of worship band people and words so that Katie could show us which one to sing. Most we knew in English, too. They had gotten soda and munchies for us, too. Afterwards, starting at ten o'clock at night, we started playing volleyball. It was fun and I managed to NOT make a total fool out of myself.

Sunday we went to church, in Spanish, again excellently translated by Katie, and again, I got something meaningful out of it. Pastor called us up to the front at the end, and introduced us and prayed for us, and also prayed for all our friends and family who we left, and who are missing us, and thanking God for them and asking God to be with them while we are gone. It was cool. AFterwards a lot of people came up and greeted us, which in Peru includes a "kiss" on the cheek. I wasn't sure if i'd like that, but I don't mind it at all.

Today was the first day of classes that I was "the teacher". It went ok. No huge problems. Again, very very exhausting. This evening, cindy and went back to the school (after naps and dinner) and arranged my room in a way that i like more than it was. I can only hope that the way I've arranged my students won't be a complete and entire disaster. I'm literally writing lesson plans the day before, if even that. I should probably be writing some now, except that SOMEONE (who shall remain nameless) told my sister to firmly but gently tell me to blog. So, i have now blogged. And, I will have some times tomorrow to do lesson plans. Tuesday starts with Peruvian History, which is taught in my classroom by a Peruvian teacher, so I'll have 40 minutes of work time. So I can plan English. Then after English is Spanish Communicacion, also taught by a Peruvian teacher, so I'll have 40 minutes more to plan, for Reading and Math. Then after that they have a special kind of Math that they use in latin american countries, so i'll have another 40 minutes, and then lunch, to plan for Spelling/Handwriting, which won't take that whole time to plan, so i'll be able to start grading some papers, or planning for the next day! Then after Spelling, they have Choir. Another 40 minutes to grade papers and do more lesson plans. Then we go to the library. Actually, no we don't, because I just mentioned that to Katie and her class goes to library then, and that was an error on the part of scheduling by the person filling in for my class until now, and so i'll have to figure out tomorrow morning what is going on. But, I think I can get through tomorrow. I think I will like Tuesdays.

There's SO MUCH to plan, to do, to set up- everything a teacher would do for the start of school, basically. And i'm doing it while already at full speed, and trying to also get the hang of living in a new country, and working around other people's schedules to go places because we're not able to go more than a couple of blocks in any direction by ourselves... Cindy needs new shoes, some capris, and i need some shoes, and shirts. But we can't do that on our own, we've got to have someone to take us on a bus, in a taxi, or in their car. We will get the hang of it (especially busses) and be able to be more independent, but for right now, it's a lot to try to manage and organize and still get enough (extra) sleep to not collapse.

So, your prayers are a big part of sustaining us, I know. And i am not regretting any of this for a moment. I'm very glad we came. I think that it will be challenging, but rewarding and enriching, and life-changing. I know it will change how I trust God, continue to change, since the three years in Chicago were a very big start of changing the degree in which i trust Him. I think our time in Chicago was very much a kind of preparation for this. We'd both be MUCH more lost and overwhelmed if we'd come directly from Indiana. So, God's timing and plan was in motion even when I couldn't possibly see how.

I should get to bed. Mom, I really would like to have that foot bath I gave to you when we moved! My poor feet are not very happy having been suddenly forced into wearing shoes 14 hours a day when they usually have a month to slowly build up callouses as the weather gets warmer and I wear sandals, etc, a little bit more day by day. Nope- this was POOF! You're in winter, and now you're in SUMMER. get out all the shorts and summer clothes you have. Oh wait, don't have very many because you thought you'd have plenty of time to buy some before June? HAH. too bad. And here, it's "fall" (although with 80 degree days....) and so a lot of the summer clothes are being changed out for "winter". oy.

HEre are a few pictures of our apartment. And the view from the apartment. WE are on hte fourth floor. it is wonderful. the apartment is a gift from God.

Well, nevermind. Soemthing is not working right and it's taking forever, and I really need to be in bed.
Goodnight.

The Next Big Step

2008-03-11T13:39:00.004-04:00

The Next Big Step for the Leinbach Sisters is Lima, Peru! Yes, South America! Cindy and I have decided to accept a very whirlwind call to serve as teachers in a English-immersion elementary school in Lima. We first heard about this school and its need for teachers at the very end of January. At the end of February (two weeks ago) we decided to go for it. We leave for Lima two weeks from tomorrow- Wednesday, March 26! (I know! Terribly fast and I've done a TERRIBLE job at keeping this blog current. All I can say is that I've had a LOT on my mind, and a LOT to do!)

We STILL have a LOT to get done. We will purge our apartment of as many items as possible, giving away to friends and family everything we can, and donating everything else to Salvation Army, etc. That all has to be done by Good Friday, and Saturday we will load a truck with the furniture and items we wish to keep in storage. We drive the truck to Elkhart Indiana to unload into several locations, the primary one being my Mom and Dad's. (Just when they thought they were good and rid of all our belongings!)

We'll spend Easter, Monday and Tuesday in Indiana with family and friends. Our flight to Miami leaves from O'Hare at 6:00 a.m. (yikes!!!). We will land in Miami at 10:00 a.m. and wait around until 5:15 p.m. for our flight to Lima, Peru. Yowsers, I still can't believe it.

The link with the title of this blog is for the school we will be serving: Monterrico Christian School. Their school year started yesterday; they are covering with subs for our classes, and the classes of 3 other Americans who are answering the call at the eleventh hour. Ironically, all 3 of those other people are also from Chicago! (or suburb)

Cindy and I went down to the US Passport Office in Chicago yesterday and applied for the fast-track process, which means we will have our passports TOMORROW (Wednesday) afternoon! Now we have to muddle through the Visa process. Prayer for that would be much appreciated, as I am currently getting mixed signals about the requirements. I am waiting for a call back from the Peruvian Consulate in Peru (an English-speaking staff member) to try to clarify whether we need a Tourist Visa. Why tourist? Well, because we are going so quickly, we don't have time to apply for and wait for our religious visas before we go, so the school recommended coming down on a trouist visa, applying for the religious visa once there, and we can take an overnight trip into Chile to pick up the religious Visas when processed. (You have to pick up visas outside of the country.) Please pray that we can get all the Visa info straightened out.

I'm not working now, and Cindy's last day of work is this Friday. We're taking only what will fit in the bags on the plane- we each get 2 suitcases for minimal fee (like $5 each) and can reserve up to 3 more for a rather hefty price. We will be living in an apartment with one or two other female teachers. The part of Lima we will be in is fairly wealthy, and therefore safer. The principal and administrator both said that if we've lived in CHicago then we should be a step ahead of other 'newbie Americans' since we will not suffer culture shock of rural to urban as well as American to Peru. I'm sure Lima will be very different from Chicago, but there are just things endemic to big cities that living in one helps you understand- like navigating safely, keeping bearings, using taxis/busses safely, etc.

We should also have access to very good medical care at the private clinics in Lima. God has also done wonderful things here in CHicago to provide for both me and cindy to have the meds we need and prescriptions for refills through the time we're gone. Praise Jesus!

So when will we come back? Right before Christmas, Lord willing. Their summer break starts then, and we'll be home for all of January, possibly some of February before heading back down for the start of the second year of teaching. We decided early on that if we went for one school year, we'd go for two. We're not completely opposed to three, we'll see what God tells us.

As you see, Lima isn't TOO far from the famous Andean Incan ruins of Macchu Pichu- Anyone wishing to come down and visit us is more than welome!!! Dad is already asking for our school schedule of week-long breaks, and Mom has said she'll go get her passport (just as soon as she's up and walking about after her second knee-replacement surgery two weeks ago!).

I will post more information and pics of our future students in my next blog.

Word to the wise...

2008-01-30T14:30:00.000-05:00

Should you ever find yourself needing to “reboot” your colon, make sure you have unrestricted access to restroom facilities.

That’s all I have to say about that.

2008-01-18T13:36:00.000-05:00

So, this is my LAST can of Diet Caffeine Free Dr. Pepper, the last of the gift from a woman named Val who lives at the apartments where i am working (the office is located in the apartment building, and Val is a part-time receptionist at the office). The last day before Christmas weekend, she comes wheelin' in (she uses a motorized wheelchair) saying "you KNOW what you're getting!" And i turn around and there on her lap is a twelve pack of Diet Caffeine Free Dr. Pepper! This then is one of those gifts that i classify as "the best" because it was so perfect for me, and showed that she'd been paying attention to when another coworker and i were talking about how i was going to have to "lay off" getting packs of diet dr. pepper to share with her because i really needed to cut out caffeine, and how much i was going to miss the diet dr. pepper... There she was with twelve cans of happiness!!! I laughed and every time i drank one chuckled again and thought, this was one of The Best Gifts Ever.

I'm just wondering...

2008-01-17T10:53:00.001-05:00

What is the best Christmas gift you’ve ever gotten? Or, just gift in general. I’m not necessarily talking biggest or most impressive, but the “best” in terms of the circumstances of who it was from, where you were at in your life, meant the most, hit just the right nerve, etc. So really, it doesn’t even have to be just ONE, cuz there’s likely to be a couple that come to mind, for different reasons.

For instance, this year’s Christmas included two gifts that I would highlight as “the best” (picture high school girl gushing to her friends on the bus- “oh my gosh, it was like, The Best gift eh-VER!”)

One is the digital camera cindy and I got jointly from Mom and Dad. Usually, gifts that I’ve asked for specifically, don’t always fall into that “the best” category because, well, part of “the best” for me is the surprising aptness of the gift upon the reveal. But this case is different because this camera is “the best” and it will (already has) give cindy and me many happy times. We’ve been without a camera now for years, and we LIKE to take and have pictures. We are very excited about our new camera, and I’m sure you’ll be seeing many pics taken with it.

So the second gift from this year I’d categorize as “the best”? I’m not telling you. Well, not until tomorrow, because today I don’t happen to have the camera, and I’d rather just post a picture of it. Those of you that know me well will understand immediately.

But thinking about it this morning has made me wonder, what are some of those memorable gifts that others have gotten? (A big huge stuffed Nemo (from the movie, yes) is another of my “best” gifts.)

Welcome the New Year

2008-01-11T13:59:00.000-05:00

Well, it's 2008. And yes, Lawanna, the Broncos DID finish with a losing record, and yes, Indy DID finish wtih a winning record. I choose to focus on the hope that in another month the world can tell the 1972 Dolphins to just stuff it, and there'll be a new undefeated team. That is now just about my only interest in the NFL post-season.

As far as life in general, this winter's been a difficult one for me emotionally and relating to my depression. It appears as though the meds i've been on for years need to be adjusted- not surprising considering that one's body changes a great deal between ages 25 and 35. So, in the coming months i'll be working to find a new pyschiatrist who can help me adjust or change meds to a better therapeutic level. that task is made harder because i do not have any medical insurance. in the meantime, i'm trying hard to be more proactive about doing things to combat the depressive symptoms i'm seeing more of in recent months. i'm sure cindy is eager for me to find a new doctor too.

My mental health is not helped by the fact that two of the biggest variables in life, two of the things that affect a person most on a daily basis, are still very much in limbo for me: where i work and where i live. our lease expires in April, and we're not renewing, but where to go and who to live with (meaning a new third roommate) are nowhere near resolved. and the temp job that seemed to be leading to permanent hire hasn't resulted in that yet, despite it being nearly a month past the time they could have. (temps usually have to be there 3 months before the company can buy out the employee and hire them.) so now, i'm wondering if they've decided not to hire a person full-time (not necessarily not wanting to hire ME, just ANYONE full time) and if so, what that means for me in the future. i'm ready to not be temping anymore.

prayers for all of the above (except maybe the NFL stuff) would be greatly appreciated.

Here are some pics from over the holidays. (which were a BLAST.)

Here you see me and Cindy, with our cousins' kids, Cole, Alec, Jace, Kira, and Kirsten. Can't see us all? Well, the white arm on the far left is me, as are the glasses just visible beneath the aqua arm of the little girl standing up, which is Kira. The young man under MY arm, wearing blue jeans, is the oldest of the Leinbach great-grandchildren, Cole. The two little boys in matching red pjs are Cole's younger brothers, Alec (whose face you can see) and Jace (whose face you can't see). Then there's Cindy wearing the brown sweatshirt and she's in the process (i believe) of tickling Kira's older sister, Kirsten, whose face you also can't see. The green stuffed frog clutched by Jace, is (i believe) known as simply "froggy".

The second picture was taken mere moments after the first. Same cast of people, different body parts visible. hee hee.

ORANGE and BLUE

2007-11-21T16:18:00.000-05:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!

I want to thank all of my friends and family for being just that: friends and family both. My friends tend to be like family, and my family are definately friends.

The older I get the more i realize that having that duality is NOT the norm. And I am very blessed to be able to claim so many friendly family and familial friends!

Thank you!

So, why the title of "Orange and Blue"? Because Sunday the Chicago Bears play the Denver Broncos here at Soldier Field. Sunday is also my Dad's birthday, and WE'RE GOING TO THE GAME!!! me and dad and cindy and maybe one other person (friend or family).

We are excited. right now, though, i'm trying to get out of the office a little bit early to start the long train ride home to Indiana. Bus to the Purple Line express train to downtown, then meet Cindy at the South Shore station to ride to South Bend, IN, where (i hope) a friendly family member will be meeting us!

Blessings to all! Happy Thanksgiving.

Prayer Request

2007-11-12T17:11:00.001-05:00

Well, it's beginning to sound like a broken record, but would you please take a moment and say a little prayer or two this week for my job situation? what looked like a perfect fit a week ago at my current temp assignment i am now very unsure of. Satan is having a good ole time attacking me on a LOT of different fronts right now, and this week I think will be pivotal on whether I take this job on a permanent basis.

peace of mind would also be nice. and some energy to keep facing things that need to be done.

thank you, my friends and family.

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nothing new to report

2007-10-08T22:21:00.000-04:00

just wanted to let you know that i'm still here. this i-net connection is really slow. so i'm not going to write anything else.

TGIF...

2007-09-21T09:15:00.000-04:00

...cuz that's the ONLY thing keeping me out of a dark corner right now... rocking back and forth crying...

i forgot to take allergy meds this morning. i woke up with the urgent need to visit the restroom. It was painful. My stomach has been threatening me all morning with violent upheaval, despite the fact that i've had nothing to eat. I left without breakfast or lunch, so stopped at 7-11. I purchased a sandwich and drink for lunch and saw a muffin that actually appealed to my unhappy stomach. Then I saw a banana and that made my stomach even happier.

So I get on the bus literally right out the door from 7-11 and i really really want to eat my banana but i resist- eating is not allowed on the CTA, and although i have often ignored that when i see no option and i'm not eating something messy, this morning i think, "Emily, what's another ten minutes? you can wait until you get off the bus and eat your banana and muffin in your office."

I hop off my bus at Dodge and Emerson and begin walking the 3 blocks to my office. I have gone 10 steps, and it's been just long enough that there's no way to flag the bus down as it trundles off down the road behind me, when i realize that I've LEFT THE 7-11 BAG OF FOOD ON THE BUS!

i've never done that. i stand on the sidewalk and desperately miss my car. and try really hard not to cry. instead i call my sister, also without a car, and bemoan my situation to her.

i am at work now (obviously) and have received some little joy from the fact that i was able to be the "Glue Stick Fairy" to a woman who works with me. she was bemoaning the fact yesterday to someone else that the last time she asked for glue sticks she got TWO instead of a whole big package of them, like she wanted. I went to SAm's Club with cindy last night and waiting in check out saw big packages of glue sticks for $6, and got one and left it on her desk this morning. she's gone around asking everyone (but me) if they got her the glue sticks.

hee hee.

TGIF

Hard to blog with pen and paper

2007-09-07T22:41:00.001-04:00

So, much has been happening in my life. one of the things is that cindy and i have basically lost our internet connection and/or computers. i am writing this now from dana's computer. dana was our roommate. i say was, because another thing that's happened was that Dana moved into her condo. cindy and i had our internet through her, really, and since we're just now finally getting paid again, we can't afford to replace it just yet. although it wouldn't have done us much good- as cindy's computer needs a new power supply (we'll hopefully be replacing that in the next few weeks.) and my laptop seems to have experience an identity crisis, and tells me now when i try to start it that it doesn't have an operating platform. isn't that silly?

so, we've been mostly without the internet, and that is the main reason for my long absence from blogging.

i have been blessed with work since august 6th, which is nice to have a paycheck of course. it's been a bit difficult at this job, for many reasons, one of them being that it's back-to-school time at District 65, and for the last three weeks i've watched all the new teachers go through their training, get their new curriculum, and all the returning teachers and make the schedules and troubleshoot difficulties at the schools... all the while thinking that i'd much rather be preparing my own classroom instead of the District 65 2007-2008 master calendar... my assignment there ends next friday, and i will be glad to move on, i think. the person for whom i work i don't believe i would work well with on a long-term basis. but i have made a favorable impression on many people there, apparently, and that is good.

my assignment ends on september 14 and i already have another assignment starting on the 17th. it's with a non-profit that works with disabled adults. i will be working with one of the upper managers, but i'll be in an environment that i've been in before, at ADEC in Elkhart, where i was a secretary/receptionist for 2 years. i would very much like to find there a place in which i fit well. it has the potential to go temp-to-perm.

we are looking for another roommate. or quite possibly another place to live with another roommate. we are tired of having water in our basement. that is another that has been going on. we went on a retreat the weekend of my birthday, as i said in my last blog, and when we came home the basement spelled horrible. musty and wet. but we couldn't find any leak, not looking in the two places that have previously leaked in the last six months. we checked and checked. i slept in the family room on an air mattress because the smell was too horrible in my bedroom, but we could find no leak or identify the origin of the smell. i ended up sleeping upstairs on the daybed after a few weeks. last weekend i moved some boxes in my closet (boxes that were there from the last time we had a flood and i hastily moved everything) and i found a damp carpet and 10 inches of mold along the bottom of the walls. a simple piece of shelving that my dad made for me when i was in college was also sitting there, and it has now absorbed water for a month and is also growing mold. ruined. my clothes smell awful this past week. and despite calling the landlord tuesday morning, all that's been done is for the carpet to be pulled back and the padding removed. helpful, sure, but only revealing more mold in the wood and in the area under the drywall where the carpet was. and meanwhile, the mold remains.

we're tired of the building being old and falling apart around us and the families moving out and the college students moving in all around, not caring a whit for anything.

i'm watching a movie with Colin Firth. he doesn't seem an overly astounding heartthrob, but man, he is an attractive gentleman.

cindy and i came over to dana's tonight for dinner. it was one of the best dinners i've had in quite some time. cindy made this awesome spinach salad with mandarin oranges, water chestnuts, cranberries and poppyseed dressing. Dana grilled skewers of potatoes and the most wonderful steaks. really really good. nice and tender. oh, and sliced french bread and herbed olive oil that cindy made. it was SOOOO good.

i'm running out of things to say, so i guess i'll go now, and give my full attention to the movie. i appreciate your prayers, and hope that all of my friends and family are doing well.

oh, and since we don't have reliable internet access, i wouldn't count on getting ahold of me in a timely fashion via email. call my cell phone if you have something time-sensitive to communicate.

love you all and i'll try to write more than once a month.

emily

This message has been brought to you by the letters "M", "L", and "E", and the number 87.

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And now i'm 33...

2007-08-05T22:57:00.001-04:00

So, my birthday was on Friday. I was 33 on the 3rd... seeing as how i didn't really care when i turned 3 on the 3rd, i'm considering this my "cool" birthday... double-digit cool.

Bourne Ultimatum opened on my birthday, and that's where i would have been except that months and months ago Mom invited me and Cindy to a Women of Faith conference in Ft. Wayne. So, thursday night cindy and i took the train to indiana, along with scores of Cubs fans returning home after the afternoon game. many of them were drunk. and many of tehm continued drinking because until Aug 1, it was allowed on the train. so, not only was train very very crowded, it was very very loud and unusually annoying. then friday afternoon we drove with my aunts barb and beth to ft wayne for the opening sessions of the conference. we spent the night in a Motel 6 that didn't smell TOO horrendous, relatively speaking to other Motels i've experienced, and all day saturday were more sessions. i wasn't really excited about going, but i'm really glad now that i went. it was very good, and the ladies who spoke were great. very funny but also very moving and deep. and funny. did i mention funny? http://www.womenoffaith.com/conferences/ftwayne/

and if you haven't heard sandi patti recently (i hadn't), MAN, is she worth a listen-to. especially when she sings with her husband, as she did Friday night as a special treat. now, if you've never heard her husband (i hadn't), you'd be thinking "great... she's gonna sing with her hubby, whoo hoo..." (i was). so she sings a verse solo. brief musical interlude. second verse, hubby. mouth opens, and- one of the the most gorgeous male voices i've ever heard cascades through the arena. the man is literally an opera singer. their english/italian duet was an incredible live music experience. the last note faded and all that i could do was whimper a little tiny squeaky "wow" before i jumped to my feet with the rest of the place. true talent expressed with true feeling. truly special.

cindy and i came home on the train this evening, and we will BOTH be going to WORK tomorrow morning!!!! I know!!! praise the Lord!!! Cindy is starting a 25/hr/wk job at an early learning center as their kitchen coordinator. it's a preschool run by a sister Mennonite church called REba Place in evanston. I will be starting a new assignment through the temp agency i've been working with. it's full time in evanston and listed as "indefinite" so they anticipate more than 6 weeks. this is the FIRST time in more than a YEAR that we will BOTH be earning consistent paychecks at the same time!!!! WHOOOO-HOOOOO.

that's a good birthday present. thanks, God. We were able to pay rent in full last week thanks to a handfull of miscellaneous jobs brought to us by our church members, including one large painting job and much childcare and cleaning. I am looking forward to being able to put some of my paychecks back into the church. (no, we we're tithing during these last months... something i've kinda struggled with, but hey, we had to ask for money FROM the deacons, can't really tithe it right back...)

it's supposed to be (forgive my crassness here) BUTT hot this week. and God has even comethrough there- we're watering plants and doing some cleaning for a church family who's on vacation for the next 4 weeks, and have been told to please feel free to camp out at their house if we need to. it's a nice house with central air and is half a block from the lake. needless to say, i think we'll be doing some of that "camping" this week. our window AC unit do tend to suck up the electricity mightily. their house even on the thermostat "away" settings is cooler than ours by far.

i had a very nice time this afternoon with family, Grandma and Grandpa, aunt JoAnn, mom and dad, and Rod, Michelle, Kirsten and Kira. aunt dove joined us for lunch at a chinese place and then most of the rest of us headed over to Grandma and Grandpa's... cindy and i actually took Kira over while rod and michelle took Kirsten school shopping! she's starting kindergarten!!! wow! while over there we played games and looked at pics from cousins Jason, Yvette, Jaiya and Nadia's visit to indiana last week. (J's were in town last week from Charlotte NC and left early friday morning, and cindy and i got there late late thursday night, so we missed them! but, they are the cousins we visited in NC just a few weeks ago, so at least we've seen them recently.) we also wathced a DVD of home video that Jason's left with Grandma- Jaiya in their swimming pool showing off, and then a GREAT dance performance featuring Yvette, JAiya, and Nadia in the kitchen. it was wonderful! then michelle and the girls dropped us off at the airport to catch the train back to "Heh-CAUGH-oo" as Kira says Chicago.

I slept on the train. it was nice. and there was not a single drunk Cubs fan. that was even nicer.

i'm sleeping on the couch tonight, right under the AC in the family room. hee hee.

This message has been brought to you by the letters "M", "L", and "E", and the number 87.

Behold, the power of Prayer.

2007-07-22T00:33:00.001-04:00

Careful what you wish for...
two weeks ago tomorrow, i was despondent and didn't have any idea where we'd get money for rent, let alone enough money to live on otherwise. no job prospects at all. so a friend (and deacon) at church asked if she could speak on our behalf at church the next day (we were with our cousins in north carolina) and ask for prayer for us, that we would have work, and to ask people to keep us in mind for any jobs they might need done.

Well, God's laughing quietly to himeself now.
we have more work than we have hours to get it done, and our own apartment to completely clean by next Saturday evening besides (we have out of town company coming to stay).

So this is a praise! and a call out for continued prayer- that we'd have the strength to get everything done. the jobs we've got are all of a physical nature- we've spent yesterday and today cleaning and taping more woodwork than i ever want to tape again, and will return tomorrow after church to start painting the ceilings and walls in earnest (the job is in a condo of a family at our church). Another prospective job is a massive cleaning (including laundry and all the works) for a church woman who's mother died several weeks ago and has had a horrible time of it since (stresses of a 12-yr old son, taking on her mother's dog, being forced out of her aprtment buliding because of the dog by an irritable building manager bending rules to suit him, and having to settle her mother's estate and clean out her belongings.)

so, painting, cleaning- oh, and possibly helping another woman (not a church member but referred through one) pack up her "huge house" because she is suddenly moving. and, maybe another cleaning and painting job for a church guy who is in property management and will need an apartment scrubbed down and repainted to get rid of the heavy smoke residue.

i might also have another temp job at Rotary starting on August 1 and lasting for a month. oh, AND we have to finish painting the nursery we started before leaving on vacation for Sharon, the woman Cindy worked with at her in-home daycare until it closed at the end of June because Sharon is expecting her third daughter by July 31.

so, no pressure. no worries. no fatigue or anything. no irony at all, nope not at all.

i'm telling you, God is chuckling quietly to himself.

Behold, the power Prayer.

Sometimes you're the pigeon...

2007-07-02T18:16:00.001-04:00

…sometimes you're the statue…

I'm really tired of feeling pooped on. *sigh*

I am a bright and intelligent woman. Why doesn't anyone want me to work for them?

I apologize for not writing more. My laptop screen no longer has any tension, meaning that it just flops all the way back. So to use it I have to sit somewhere I can prop the screen up. It kinda limits where and how much I use it. So that's one reason I haven't been writing as much. Another reason is that our modem died several weeks ago, and so we've been in a time of transition as Dana and Cindy get a new modem/wireless system up and running, and make my computer like it. *grin* and for a while cindy's computer didn't like it either, so internet access has been intermittent. And lastly, my mind and body have been kinda in Survival Mode lately, and not in a Waxing Eloquent Mode. It just doesn't seem kind to my very small audience to log on to write something when my brain is consumed with "must get job must get job must get job must pay rent must pay rent must pay rent must buy city sticker must buy city sticker must get job must get job God please I need a job just keep swimming just keep swimming…" (ah, if only I could be a small blue fish in a big blue ocean with no cares other than "don’t get dead.")

So, I am at a temp job today and tomorrow and am taking advantage of their internet to stay a little late and write a little bit to let my very small audience know that I am alive. I am waiting to hear from yet another job for which I went in for 2 interviews and am expecting to hear back from any day. It is difficult to feel anything other than panic when considering this position and whether I hope to get it or not and if I have a chance, etc. That's too much of an emotional roller coaster when the brain's on Survival Mode. So, I don't think about it much and when I do all I let myself say is that I think I would be good at the job and that if I'm what the job needs then God will have me get it. If not, then I won't and I've done all I can in regards to it and it's all on God. Carefully constructed indifference. Cuz the job I really wanted was Shedd. And I'm not willing to get invested in another position and go through "no thank you" again.

See, this is why I haven't written. It's terribly depressing. I love you all, and am praying for my friends and family. If you have something specific you'd like me to remember in my prayers, please leave me a comment or email me.

Staying afloat- emily

Chocolate Therapy and Scripture

2007-07-02T13:49:00.001-04:00

Chocolate Therapy
Ben & Jerry's Original Ice Cream Flavor

Description from B&J's web site:
Chocolate Ice Cream with Chocolate Cookies & Swirls of Chocolate Pudding Ice Cream

Uh-oh. Call the emotional rescue squad. Whatever wrinkle, glitch, minor upset or major mishap may be the cause of your discombobulated state, that "must-have-chocolate" mantra you're muttering calls for primal s'cream therapy of the sublimest chocolate kind.

Cost: $2.75

Scripture Therapy
God the Father's Original Sin Salvation Favor

Description from an online ESV Bible web site:
Comfort from the Holy Inspired Word of God with swirls of Comfort from the Holy Inspired Spirit of God

"For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all." ~Eph 1:15-23, ESV

Cost: absolutely free

And that's what got me through the last hour of my life.

...Melissa asked for it...

2007-06-04T19:18:00.000-04:00

...so here it is:

It's summer, and my toenails are pretty!

Confused? Check out the comments to my May 11 post...

Sorry it's been so long.

Shedd update...

2007-05-11T09:18:00.001-04:00

…Thanks, but no thanks.

*sigh*

I will be writing a bit more about that later, but I'm at work (my last day at the Rotary International Headquarters- very cool) and can't write more than that. But just wanted to let people know that I was not selected for the position for which I applied. I kinda' figured, but now it's official.

Thanks for all your prayers, and continue to pray for me as I pray for you! Hey- anything specific you want me to pray for, leave a comment or shoot me an email.

I'm heading to Indiana on the last train out tonight after work. Looking forward to seeing family. Not so much looking forward to losing a pet. More later. Love you all.

Even if you're not a cat person...

2007-05-09T10:39:00.001-04:00

…please read Cindy's (sister's) entry "Garmu Efunkle Leinbach" on her blog www.zeeblebop.com.

Like our spirits needed any more depressing attacks right now. Cindy has always had an especially intense connection to animals, and having an animal around for 14 years makes its loss incredibly hard at the best of times, let alone when your spirit is already half-beaten down to dust.

Years ago I had to take my 14-yr-old cat to the vet for a life-ending visit. It was hard for me; it will be excruciating for Cindy. Please keep her in your prayers.

Here we go loop-de-looooo...

2007-04-27T18:28:00.001-04:00

I'm at work- I don't have time to write what just now popped into my head. Just wanted to let you all know that I'm alive and still waiting to hear from Shedd. I have called this week, but had to leave a message. This week has seen lows and (while maybe not "highs") some mid-altitude plateaus of rest.

I will write more later. I am going to a play with dana tonight at her church. It's about Job. Hmmm. Job the guy forever associated with angst and suffering despite loving God, and job, the cause of much of my angst and suffering despite loving God. Interesting…. *grin* love you all!

2007-04-21T23:44:00.000-04:00

Today is Saturday, April 21 - I worked this week at the Rotary International World Headquarters, which, go figure, happens to be in Evanston. I'm entering into a database the names of literally thousands of Rotary Clubs from around the world that have qualified for a special commendation. I spend my days at a computer in a lovely little cubicle, reading all sorts of names and matching them to the database. It's very interesting, as far as all the clubs in all the places... some of the names are really neat. It sounds boring, and it is. but it's not horrible. the actual office environment is very pleasant, the people in the Awards Department have so far been very amiable and seem to get along with each other very well- there's laughter on a regular basis. another affirmation that a work environment doesn't have to be horribly stressful. I enjoy going to this job, even though what i'm actually doing IS kinda boring. they have hot chocolate and tea bags in the kitchen area, too. i'm learning a bit about what Rotary clubs around the world DO, too- it's NOT just a bunch of old rich guys eating lunch, like it sometimes seems to be in America. *grin*

The Rotary building is a 16-floor highrise in Evanston, one of the tallest buildings in Evanston, doncha' know. What's nice is that the area i'm in is on the east side of the building. this means that about 20 feet from my cubicle is a wonderful view of the Lake. And if i look very sharply to the right, i get a great view of the City- Hancock Center to Sears Tower. and in the middle, halfway between me and the City, is a cluster of buildings distiguishable as Loyola University's campus, which is two blocks from my apartment, so in a way, i can see where i live.

this job at the Roatary International offices is through the temp agency i'm working for, and is supposed to last for a couple of weeks. this is good, since i'm not too hopeful about getting either of the jobs i interviewed at over the last week. I was told by the woman at Shedd that they hoped to make their decision "early" in this week (the day of my interview on last friday was the last day of interviews for the position), and that i would receive a call "either way". since i did not receive any call this week, i'm thinking that i am at least not their first choice- perhaps they have not called other candidates pending acceptance by the first choice person, etc. i did call on Monday to thank them for the interview and to say that i enjoyed it very much. i dont' know if i should again. i probably will.

the reception/secretary job i interviewed for on Tuesday went ok, but not spectacular. i don't think we hit it off to any impressive degree. just sorta lukewarm. i'd be okay in the job. it's got a great location- downtown, but right on the bus route that goes right past my house, and in an office building right across from the Art Institute and Millenium Park. i do enjoy being downtown. but, this job would be REALLY on the low end of my salary requirements. really. but it'd be full time with benefits.

the other job i was supposed to interview with on Tuesday i postponed- for various reasons; but i'm not sure it's practical for me- it's only very part time, and the kind of work means it's on weeknight evenings or weekends. and they ask for a 9-month commitment, and with temping and not knowing when or what hours i'd get if i get a job- well, this job was a good idea as a second job filler, once i know what the main job will be. anyway.

as far as general finances go, Cindy and i were feeling pretty good about our ability to meet all obligations and maybe even have enough to get our brakes checked out- and then i did my taxes. *sigh* for the first time in YEARS (if ever) I ended up owing both federal and state taxes. due to the fact that unemployment benefits do not have the option to withhold for taxes...

so, i'm feeling a little anxiety about things again, since $325 suddenly was due on April 17. please continue praying for my peace of mind and for my trust in God's provision. I will be getting one check (from this week) before rent is due. but i was kinda counting on the money (now gone) so that i could make a payment to my chiropractor (for my treatment last year)- i'd stopped making payments temporarily, but now need to make a payment to avoid defaulting and being referred to debt collections. and i don't need any more of THAT.

meanwhile, i am enjoying:

spending time with a family from church with two young girls (and a third on the way),
the nicer weather which allows me to go back to my times of relaxation on my favorite beach (and yes, collect more lake glass...),
going through the EXperiencing God small group study,
continuing to fellowship and pray for the wonderful people in my small group,
reading Phil chapter 4 and other assorted scripture.

speaking of scripture, tomorrow is sunday, which means i should get going on my way to bed. maybe we can be on time tomorrow morning! hee hee.

i love you all, and pray for my friends and family more now than i ever really consistently have. Feel free to drop me a line or leave a comment with a way i can pray for you. praying for others helps me focus on God and what HE can do and has done and is doing in the lives of so many people, instead of just focusing on me.

btw- thanks to cousin michelle for this wonderful pink knit top i'm wearing, and for the awesome zip-up pin-stripe blouse (that gave me something else ot wear to work this week), among other items of clothing that no longer fit her. the little things like wearing my "new" clothes and remembering the people in my life who love me- that also helps me focus on God and what HE can do, is doing, and will continue to do in the lives of those around me. Praise Jesus.

Shedd interview update

2007-04-14T10:48:00.001-04:00

I don't have much time, and will add details later, but i wanted to let you all know that my interview at Shedd was yesterday at 9:00 and went as well as i could have hoped. the interview was fun and i was sorry to have to leave! I think that i have a real shot at being offered the job, and now am concentrating on praying about whether to take it if offered. right now i am leaning toward yes, but am still offering it to God, since this particular position means working on Sundays. on the other hand, if i take it, it could be a way in to an organization that i could make a career with... so please pray for me as well.

i love you all! thanks for your prayers concerning this interview- i really felt God's peace.

When it rains... again...

2007-04-11T17:08:00.000-04:00

so, apparently it's raining. not just outside, where it's 35 degrees and so raining slushy crud, but in my life of job searching, too. the latest interview update and therefore prayer items:

Shedd Aquarium: Friday Apr 13 @9:00 (for a program interpretor position interacting with the general visiting public. at the interview i will be presenting a 15 min demo about coral that i created- did you know vinegar dissolves coral?)
Jewish Family & Children Council: Tuesday Apr 17 @10:00 (for a one-on-one mentoring position for children and adults with developmental and mental disabilities- part time to supplement- ofc is nearby in West Rogers Park)
Christian Century Magazine: Tuesday Apr 17 @3:00 (for a receptionist/editorial assistant position beginning in May- downtown ofc right across from the Art Institute)

You'll notice i have two on next tuesday- that is because i will be working a temp job starting on monday, but i had already told the temp agency i was not available on the 17th for a job that ended up falling through. SO- i will start working in Evanston (about 20 minutes by train) on monday at the Rotary international ofcs- putting data from letters received into their database and generating return letters, i think. it is a job predicted to last 3-4 weeks and pays $13/hr! This is such a relief and (of course) another answer to prayer! Just when i start to feel overwhelmed, God comes through again. How do people live without God?

Also, I received a call today from a woman at church who had a job lead for cindy. cindy also is dog-sitting this weekend in addition to her part time daycare assistant hours this week.

i applied for a forebearance on my student loans for three months, and was worried it would not go through before the loan payment was automatically deducted; but i checked online today and the forbearance was approved and the autopayment did not go through!

i am hopeful that tomorrow cindy and i can take the car for an estimate on what damage has been done to our brakes, so that we can plan on how much we need to repair them so we have a car for use when job searching, as well.

it's cold and crappy weather outside, but the rain i'm feeling inside today is sweet and refreshing! Thank you Jesus!

(by the way, does anyone out there need an almost-full bag of hydrated lime?)

why i have new carpet, and interview update

2007-04-02T10:38:00.000-04:00

about a month ago there was a night of rain, freezing rain, then rain again, resulting in massive amounts of slush, which acted as dams for the rain... my bedroom is on "garden" level, meaning it is half-basement, so windows are AT ground level. my bedroom is also in the back corner of the apartment building: i have a wall with a window that looks directly onto the alley and the wall adjoining that is the outside wall that has the gate into the back"yard" area. (so i can hear quite clearly whenever anyone comes in or out through the back gate.)

now, the water drainage at that back gate corner and out through the alley has always been HORRIBLE. but usually the water at least gets into the alley and pools in the middle of the alley- which makes getting to the dumpsters interesting, but at least there's not 6 inches of standing water at the back corner of the building by the gate. Until that night i just described... the slushy snowy dams kept water from going anywhere- well, anywhere except for into the cracks that were present (apparently) in the concrete flashing along the foundation and within the foundation, and water started listening to gravity and permeating into those little cracks which the cold apparently made worse and some of the concrete had broken up, and well, i ended up with lots of water in my room. but i'm getting ahead of myself.

in my bedroom, in that back outside corner, i have this little "closet". it's not part of my real closet, not even on the same wall, just this little build-out from the wall with a folding closet door. and when you open it you see the unfinished rock foundation on the bottom half, and unfinished brick wall on the upper half. and affixed on the brick wall is a big gray metal box, with a huge pull-lever inside, labeled "ON" and "OFF" and "Emergency Electric Shut-off" handwritten on the gray metal. yes, i have the master power switch to the entire building in my bedroom.

so this particular sunday morning after that slushy night i've already described, half my carpet squishes when i walk on it. and it's the half of my room radiating out from that back corner, the unfinished corner. meaning that the water is seeping in from that corner. cindy and i spend more than an hour moving everything on that half of the room. we call the landlord; the leaking appears to stop while landlord is there (he also shovels the snow/slush/water). but later that night, it's dripping again- well, more like oozing, water seeping in through the rock foundation. we borrow a wet-vac, and pull about 18 gallons of water out of the carpet in about 5 hours. and i examine the leaking corner and realize that if i could just get the water to drip OUT away from the rock face and INTO something, instead of just flowing down the rock face and into the carpet, maybe i wouldn't have to move everything out of my room. (we did anyway, including taking my bed apart around 1:00 a.m.) so, i remember my physics and go find some Bronco Blue pipe cleaners i have and push the ends of the pipe cleaners into the cracks where it looks like the most water is flowing. Capillary action and gravity do their job, and the water follows the pipe cleaners out away from the rock face, and drips off the ends of the pipe cleaners into the 9x13 pan i've set up below. as you see in the pic, i rigged up quite a few pipe cleaners. and that 9x13 pan filled up every 20-25 minutes for several hours. This picture was actually taken more than a week afterwards, so some of the pipe cleaners have fallen out, and everything is dry. but, there is supposed to be carpet on that floor. The building handyman came immediately Monday morning and ripped up all the carpet and padding to prevent molding.

and so for 3 weeks my room looked like this, except emptier. this pic was taken when my parents were in town, and we put an air mattress down on the concrete floor for my dad and the chair was left there. The power shut off leaking corner closet is in the middle of the picture. (some of you might be saying, "i thought she said the corner closet wasn't even on the same wall as her clothes closet, but i see clothes hanging right beside it..." Yes, you do, because i'm strange and moved my closet rod to the opposite wall and used my real closet as a little nook for my bed. yeah, i'm weird.) so anyway, nearly a month of cold concrete in my room with nothing else, including my bed. i slept on my mattress in either cindy's room or in the middle of the family room. but, on March 23 I got new carpet! I was out of town that weekend, so when i came home, i was greeted with the unmistakeable scent of Eau de Carpet Nouveau and my wonderful sister Cindy had moved some of my furniture back in and put up this cute little Indian-style purple canopy thing around the real closet and placed that orange chair and a table in the closet and it was such a cute little reading nook! i don't have pics yet of my new room and carpet- when i'm all moved back in, i'll post a few.

no, i'm not all moved in yet- i had one week of being home with the new smelly carpet (couldn't really sleep in the room yet cuz it was so bad) and then cndy and i went to Indiana for a week last week. (see cindy's blog at www.zeeblebop.com for info on that.) and we got home yesterday and now i'm spending most of my time taking anti-cold/allergy meds (man, i haven't had this much runny snot in YEARS) and preparing for my interiew at Shedd Aquarium.

Yes, my Shedd interview is still pending. I never received an email i was suppsed to get regarding preparing for the interview (Shedd's server was having issues) and so Samantha (the woman in charge of the department i'm interviewing with) called and gave the info verbally but rescheduled the interview from last tuesday to today because i didn't have enough time to prepare. (i have to prepare a 10-15 minute presentation on any aquatic theme with at least one hands-on activity.) well, it was then supposed today, but i realized last week there was NO WAY i'd ahve enough time to prep a good demo when i was doing painting and childcare for that time, and not getting home until the day before the interview. that didn't give me nearly enough time to see if vinegar dissolves my coral pieces and to find lime (chemical) to combine with water to make limewater to make limestone... anyway... so, i called Samantha and left a message explaining my lack of actual usable time and wondering if she had something open a few days later... if not, i would be there on tuesday, for sure, but no harm in asking.

so, long story short, Samantha was on vacation last week too and called me back from her home yesterday to let me know that postponing my intervew for a day or two is JUST FINE and totally not a problem. she's calling me this afternoon to tell me what her schedule looks like, and i will be doing my interview hopefully on Thursday or Friday.

This was an answer to prayer, and i praise God for it, cuz the "lime" we found yesterday and tried to make limewater did NOT work AT ALL. the lime we got today is upstairs all mixed in water and looks to be separating out just like it's supposed to. AND vinegar (even at only 5% acidity) DOES dissolve coral! this is good for my demo, but really not so good for the oceans... but i won't get into that now.

Please pray that my demo will come together well in the next 24 hours as i actually script it out and practice it with the hands on stuff just described, and pray for my actual interview of course. Also please continue to pray for me to have peace and follow God's prompting in my job search and in His provision for my financial needs. This is very hard for me to do. without completely panicking. sigh. also, i have another connection that gave me the name of a temp agency that her friend runs, and i'll be calling them this afternoon as well.

I love you ALL! (especially since you actually read all the 'schtuff' i write!)

Life is Good

2007-03-27T13:49:00.000-04:00

So, i haven't been blogging as much- i guess since things are better i'm not freaking as much, therefore this is not the catharsis it was when i WAS deperately freaking.

i am at a temp job on lunch and so this will be brief, but i wanted to update everyone on life and give a big huge praise and thanks to God Almighty, who really IS a provider! okay so i knew that in my head, but the last month was a test of that in my heart, and well, i guess since God doesn't need to pass any test, it was I who passed. GOD IS GOOD and i just wanted to publicly tell ya'll that! our bills are being paid (still not sure how), our spirits are being fed (ditto), and i have new carpet in my bedroom finally!!! (still haven't told ya'll that story- and i even have pics!)

pray now for: continued temp work for me; that cindy and i will be able to act as election equipment managers on april 17 and earn the $500 that goes with that (each); for my interview at Shedd Aquarium next tuesday (april 3) at 2:00 p.m. and the wisdom to decided whether i should take the position if it is offered to me (more on that later).

yep, those are the 3 big needs right now. thanks and i love you and am praying for you as well (i've been praying for other people MORE during this time of crisis for me- defense mechanism of "my life is overwhelming and there's nothing i can do but trust God, so instead of thinking about that, i will pray hard for everyone else in my life, near and far!)

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again i will say: Rejoice. the Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4 (not sure of verses)

Today's update

2007-03-15T00:05:00.000-04:00

I have an appointment tomorrow at 11:00 with a different temp agency. it is downtown. i am still playing phone tag with the Floor Manager at Shedd. I sent 4 resumes out today, two of them for positions i think i would actually really like.

Again, or immediate need is for immediate work and immediate pay. We are supposed to resign our lease and drop it off tomorrow. i am really struggling with signing a lease when i have no way to pay for rent. on the other hand, i have no way to pay for moving out, either. my biggest struggle is with asking our third roommate Dana to sign the lease knowing that we cannot pay. This requires her to have faith that God will somehow provide too. Somehow, that stress upon her doesn't seem fair, since we're the ones without employment.

So please pray for all three of us and our living together. we like living together as a little "mini-family-unit" and cindy and i really have no other options but to resign the lease and keep praying to God for provision. Please pray for Dana in all this. Thanks.

i'm trying to also think about ways God IS providing for us- and so: we were able to borrow a friend's car and go to Aldi to buy some groceries; I have money in my account to buy some groceries; i have a roof over my head to keep out the freezing rain, and heat that comes on every so often to keep the temperature much higher than the 34 degrees it is outside right now; i have a CTA pass to get me downtown to my interview tomorrow; i have clean clothes to wear to the interview, and a computer and printer to create and print a resume and cover letters to take to my interview; i have internet access so i can job search and send out resumes and cover letters; i have friends who love me.

of course, please note that for half of those things that i just listed, quick on their heels come thoughts such as "although i'm not paying for that internet access and can't" and "although i owe dana money for the printer ink that i can't give her" so i guess i'm only really half successful in concentrating on my daily blessings... sigh. oh, also, cindy is getting sick again- please pray for her to get well. it's hard to job search when you don't have any voice at all...

love you all!

Well, God is still good...

2007-03-13T20:49:00.000-04:00

I must add an amendment to the previous blog- when we got back from the after school program at 5:30 there were multiple messages from the staffing agency- the assignment has been cancelled (not just mine, but two other positions at same place). so i call the cell phone number the staffing guy left me and he says there were "contractural issues" between the agency and the client, and until the issues are settled, can't send anyone, and the client cancelled the order pending. *sigh*

so, no job tomorrow morning. of course, this does not mean that God is NOT awesome. He is. i'm not sure what he was trying to prove with this little yo-yo, but maybe He was just showing me a little bit of flexing before he reels the big one in for me. i choose to remain hopeful, and i am choosing to continue to trust God to give me another way to meet the financial obligations i have.

the yo-yo may not affect just me: today at After School Program i told all the staff and the kids that it was my last day. i guess it was kinda nice to see that people were truly bummed by that. one girl did nothing but glare at me for the rest of the homework time, refusing to talk to me or let me help with her homework (she's one of the ones i usually do help, and an especially sweet girl- but wait- we're not supposed to have favorites!). so, i'll show up on thursday, barring another provision.

positive note: in addition to the cancellation messages there was another message from Shedd Aquarium wanting to schedule an interview. I had previously heard from a woman on Sunday and have been playing phone tag sunday p.m. and yesterday and this morning. the message today was from another woman, so maybe the first one was out of the office or something. When I discovered i no longer had unemployment coming, i started applying to part time jobs as well as full time. The Shedd job is listed as a seasonal part time. seasonal usually means through the end of the summer. it's for Program Interpretation, so it'd be like what i used to do at the Science Center of Iowa and as a Docent at the zoo. i have no idea what kind of hours i could get, or how much it would pay. i'm not counting on too much in either category, but again, i'm not going to create any expectations. not when the God of the Universe is involved.

i also got a call from a woman at church about a position where she works- a front desk/data base maintainer/manuscript screener etc. position at a Christian magazine company. not a huge one- i've never even heard of it. but one of the editors is a Mennonite guy, so it can't be too bad. hee hee. the company guy asked her to please forward anyone's info to him. but this position would not start right away, so i'd still need some temp stuff.

So, it's a bit of an about-face, but not hopeless. and somehow i'm more hopeful after almost getting something than i was before. maybe God really was just reassuring me that He's on the job, and gently asking "where is your faith, oh person rocked by the stormy sea?"

oh, and speaking of faith and God's plan for me- here's the Chicago TEaching Fellows update for today: i was NOT accepted into the program. sorry. i think the people around me are more distraught by this than i am. yes, i suppose it is a disappointment of sorts, but in the weeks since the interview my mindset has changed, mostly as a result of praying for God to change it.

See, one of the units in the Bible study i'm doing talked about George Mueller. Great man of God in England a century or two ago. and it talked about the way George discerned the will of God. it had the process written out as George described it, and step one of six was

i seek at the beginning to get my heart into such a state that it has no will of its own in regard to given matter. Nine-tenths of the trouble with people generally is just here. Nine-tenths of the difficulties are overcome when our hearts are ready to do the knowledge of what His will is.

so after the interview i realized how much i really was thinking "i have to get into this program, i just HAVE to, this is what God has planned- this is it!" instead of "i have done all that i can do to meet the earthly requirements needed for God to use this program as a path for my life, and now i will continue to seek God's direction in every other area of employment as well". but in the last two weeks especially, i'd been able to say- you know God, whatever You want me to do- this at least is a clear-cut way for me to know. i'm fine with whatever happens. i'll trust that You have a plan either way.

and so my anxiety this past four days of not knowing was just because of that- not knowing. i knew i'd be ok with any result, because i was able to trust that the result was in God's will, even if i couldn't see why.

sure, it would have been nice to say that i was one of 150 out of 2,000 that got chosen. but that's my ego. i will find another way to teach. and this whole process reminded me that i AM a capable teacher- i got an interview, something only about 30% of the applicants got, and i passed a test i've been DREADING, and i passed it with flying colors. i now have confidence in my ability to pass other tests if needed (different state, etc.). and i was reminded that i have been blessed with above average life sciences intelligence. the process re-awoke the passion to teach and to reach "at risk" kids in general; that passion had been smothered almost entirely by the circumstances of the 18 months prior to my starting the Chicago Teaching Fellows process back in November.

so, although it may have seemed like the perfect next chapter in my life, I will not be teaching this fall with the Fellows program. they sent me a link to other alternative programs and i will of course pursue that info; at a glance, nothing there would be for this fall either, but i'll look more tomorrow.

speaking of tomorrow, now that i'm not working, i'll have plenty of time to get the last pieces of furniture out of my bedroom in anticipation of getting new carpet installed. but oh- i never did blog about THAT whole fiasco, did i? i'll have to take a few pics and tell the story- but that will definately be for next time!
love you all!

God is Good - a job for me!

2007-03-13T14:56:00.000-04:00

Okay, so ya'll might know i've been a mite anxious about finances, seeing as how my unemployment stopped and i wasn't expecting it to and cindy is also not working full time. Yesterday i went to a temp agency in Evanston (first subburb north of chicago, about ten minutes from home) and today they called and told me that they showed my resume to someone and they want me to come in tomorrow at 9 and start working! $13/hr! Praise God!

Also, a praise bc temp agencies pay weekly, so i will get two paychecks before the next rent! i might just have enough for our portion of rent!!!

please also pray for cindy- that God is preparing a place for her to work.

This temp job is at Resurrection HEalth Care (big HC name around here) and i will be doing data entry and filing and i'm not sure what. but it's to cover a medical leave, so they want a temp person not a temp-to-hire person, and temp only is what i want right now so i can keep looking for the perfect job, or if i get into the FEllows program.

The only down side is that this is a 8-5 job so today will be my last day with the after school program. *frown* i will truly miss those kids!

BUT: PRAISE GOD! this past week has been a very humbling experience. a good one. but still tough. thanks God.

Really tho- a God who creates beauty such as this can certainly manage to take care of my small needs! (pic taken in Hawaii)

The Fellows website has issues

2007-03-11T16:24:00.000-04:00

Today's login brought to light the information that the Chicago Teaching Fellows web site is experiencing technical difficulties. So, they are working to resolve the problem and i imagine there are quite a few people wondering like i am. i mean, there's at least 150 or so from my interview day alone...

btw- please give me feedback on my new and (hopefully) improved blog layout/content. (all five of you who read.)

oh, and that reminds me- There have been three different times that someone has left a comment that gets listed as "Anonymous"- which means that the person(s) does not have a blogger account. that's fine, but if you do leave a comment and are doing so under "Anonymous" can you please sign it with your name? at least your first name? it's just i can't figure out who it is...

Here is a picture for today, just to let winter know we haven't forgotten him, so he doesn't need to come back anytime soon to remind us. (it's 54 degrees right now!!!) And hey, there's never too many tiger pics... *Sigh* what a magnificent creature. thanks, God.

New Blog Layout and Losing an Hour

2007-03-11T00:39:00.000-05:00

I have changed my blog layout, which i have been wanting to do; i had grown quite bored of the old one, but hadn't had time nor inclination to change. so, now i have. and now i'm thinking, well isn't this interesting: because i've changed the template the background color is different, and therefore some of my blogs are now really difficult to read, because i had manually selected colors when writing the blogs knowing they'd be on the old background. does that make any sense? i thought about going back and changing all of them, but am i going to do that if i decide to change the template again? so, i'm going to try my best to always leave the text color automatic. hopefully, that will mean that future changes will "automatically" update and be readible??? one can only hope.

so, i apologize to you if you go back and read something and find it really difficult to read because of the text colors.

now, the second part of my late night entry- i despise Daylight Savings Time. absolutely despise this whole changing the clocks every spring and fall. i have yet to find someone, anyone who can give me a truly solid and iron-clad reason for the continued observance of this daylight savings scheme. tonight, i will lose an hour of sleep. those of you who know me will know how very irked that fact makes me. so hear i am, not tired at all yet, but looking at the clock and thinking that i really need to be asleep because it's really ten til one, and not ten til midnight.

sigh. it's always fun showing up at church the morning of the clock switches- people arriving an hour early or an hour late.

of course, then there's people like me, who have recently been an hour (or more) late to church on a day when there was no time change. *grin* love ya'll.

(nothing online about the teaching program yet.)

No info yet, sorry

2007-03-10T19:40:00.001-05:00

For whatever reason, the web site for the Fellows program has not updated, so it looks like i'll have to wait for the snail mail version. Don't worry, i'll let you all know ASAP, and i will call the program ifi don't get anything in the mail by tuesday.

in the meantime, please be praying that i can find immediate temp work after interviewing for them on Monday. or, rather, be praying for God's provision in my life, and peace enough for me to not freak out before i see God's provision. Thanks.

God really is awesome

2007-03-07T18:14:00.000-05:00

So, I was pretty despondent a couple of hours ago (see "never alone?") and God is still cool. it's amazing what praying with your pastor and then putting together a playlist of some of the best Christian music can do for one's state of mind! Thanks, God!

i find out about the teaching program March 9 - this Friday -

2007-03-07T16:20:00.000-05:00

just a "by the way"

never alone?

2007-03-07T15:46:00.000-05:00

there's a song by Barlow Girl called Never Alone. If you haven't heard it, i'd highly recommend finding a copy or calling your local Christian rock station and requesting it. It's pretty much the way i'm feeling this week. more like, it's a perfect description of what i'm clinging to this week.

i'm going to post the lyrics, but really, you've got to hear the music - the harmony and orchestration of beautiful musicality with the hardness of rock. it's one of those that is best listened to loud, and in stereo surround (like in my car...)

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

[Chorus:]
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

[Chorus]
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

[Chorus]

I'm hoping and praying for the unseen- i'm clinging to the promises in the Word that God takes care of His children. I'm doing my best to be active and positive rather than giving in to utter despondency and sitting in my basement staring at the wall, or sleeping my life's worries away. Both of those options are very alluring right now. Walls can be very interesting.

i don't see the point of God bringing us (me and cindy) right back to where we started: Two years ago almost to the day we moved into this aparment in chicago without any emploment between the two of us. And look! Two years later- that's exactly where we are again! desperately trying to cover expenses, trying to be self-sufficient, trying to feel like we're actually more than just empty baggage floating down the river of life... and i at least had unemployment benefits coming every two weeks, and that's what we've been living on since last septmber.

only, unemployment benefits aren't 52 weeks anymore. it's six months. and so i deposited my last check today, for less than the full amount. if i'd known it was going to run out, i would have started looking for PART time jobs at the new year, instead of just full time. i would have been prepared. i would have robbed a bank.

thing is, i have only myself to blame. i'd been thinking recently that i should call and doublecheck the status of my benefits. i'd slacked off sending as many resumes over the last two months and spent all my time studying for the biology content teaching exam, and then prepping for the CTF interview. i don't evn know if that's what God has prepared for me! I should not have decreased my efforts at seeking other opportunities. but honestly, it felt nice to know that i had this cushion of a couple of months yet- i wasn't in a hurry- i'd wait and see if i got into Chicago Teaching Fellows. that way i'd know if i needed a permanent or temporary job.

but hey, the plans of man dry up like withered grass, and burn in the sun, right?

i need a God-sized miracle of provision right now. we have to sign our lease in the next week. i can't guarantee i'll have rent on the 31st. we're looking for work, anywhere, doing anything, and we can't really drive our car because the brakes are grinding. i cannot function without my meds, but i will need more in 5 weeks. and this stupid keyboard is skipping letters every other word!!! argh! There's all these things i want to do, to be a part of here, but i can't do anything without money. needless to say, i've been sending a ton of resumes and calling a whole bunch this week. but then we (dana and me) went to teh grocery store, and i remembered i can't buy groceries. and won't be able to until something miraculous happens.

i'm very tired. tired of being desperate. tired of not knowing what will happen tomorrow. tired of not being a productive part of my community. tired of barely scraping by. tired.

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

I got my Test Scores!

2007-02-26T17:42:00.000-05:00

And i PASSED!!! Praise Jesus!!!

Not only did i pass, but i did so with flying colors! I needed 240 out of 300 to pass the biology content exam i took January 28. I got 279!

The results page i got in the mail today breaks the composite score (279) into the categories that were covered and gives what score i got in each of those categories. I feel the need to share. *grin*

Science and Technology 278 (out of 300)
Life Science 290
Physical Science 250
Earth Systems& the Universe 280
Cell Biology, Heredity, Evolution 275
Organismal Biology and Ecology 300

Yes, a perfect score in one category! that makes up for the lowest score of 250 in PHYSICS! (oh, the bane of physics over my life- will it never end???) hee hee

actually, physical science really could have bit me in the butt, seeing as how you have to hae 240 or more in each category, not only the composite score. so, if i'd gotten less than 240 in that i would not have passed. so THANK GOD for that 250!

Thanks to all who prayed for me concerning this test! NExt big date is March 9, when i will learn if i've been invited, wait listed, or declined by the Chicago TEaching Fellows program.

How'd the Interview event go?

2007-02-21T02:01:00.000-05:00

Well, so last Saturday (well, a week ago saturday- Feb 10) was my big Chicago Teaching Fellows interview event. i arrived at Clemente High School bright and early at 8:20 to sign in for the 9:00 start time. i lined up with more than a hundred other candidates, signed in, handed over copies of my official college transcripts, and sat in an auditorium nervously going over my 5-minute sample lesson mentally. went through the introduction, welcome, explanation of the day, and listened for my name to be called in a room assignment list. room 404. i joined 6 others, who happened to all be women, in a small Spanish classroom and met my two evaluators- two young women who have been through similar programs in chicago. these women had been given the applications and personal statements of all seven of us that were assigned to them. they'd gone over all of our information and would watch as we took turns giving our sample lessons to one another, listened to a scenario and then spent 20 minutes in a group discussion about it, gave a two-minute written response to a concluding question about the discussion scenario, and wrote furiously for twenty minutes in response to another scenario designed to test our writing skills.

Then, we went back to the auditorium with everyone else, went through 45 minutes of general question and answer about chicago teaching fellows, and then everyone either went to or waited for their individual interview. individual interviews were conducted by one of the evaluators we'd spent the morning with, and were precisely 20 minutes long. i was the last interview for my group. i went and ate a leisurely lunch, thanked God for giving me a good morning and getting me through thus far, and wrote in my journal. then i went at 2:00 for my personal interview.

It sucked. well, at least i thought it sucked. as i walked out of the room i felt like turning around and saying "i really don't stand a chance, do i?" my second thought was, well God, at least now i'll know that if i DO get invited to be in this program it is TOTALLY YOU, cuz it sure as heck ain't me that impressed 'em.

what went wrong? i dunno. i just got the distinct impression that my interviewer didn't think i was inner city high risk high school material. like i wasn't tough enough. she read a scenario for one of the questions and seemed to belittle me for my first response being indignation at the scenario's school vice principal. um, okay, should everyone be indignant to hear that a vice principal brings a kid BACK into your classroom after you've sent him to the office and in front of your class, tells you that "if you can't handle discipline in your classroom i'll find someone who will!" yes, i should be angry, indignant, and surprised! the question then was, what would you do? so i'm trying to work through what on earth i would do, and so much of it is dependent on what the kids in that class were like, how the kid in question was being disruptive, etc. several things came into my mind, all very different, depending on those variables. she didn't seem to like my answers, and told me that many of the schools served by the program have administrators like this. i said "and people wonder why schools fail..." and she immediately began- well, almost defending administrators and saying how some teachers just don't cut it with discipline and need to be held accountable. um, i agree, but the scenario didn't say "you send him to the office for the third time that week" it said there was a kid who'd been giving you problems all year and this day you send him out of the room to the office. doesn't seem like an instance of bad classroom discipline, seems like an instance of poor administration support of teachers.

anyway, i latched onto how she seemed to be looking for the teaching discipline and emphasized that i had no trouble adhering to established discipline procedures, felt comfortable handling and de-escalating many situations while subbing and working with highly volatile kids at madison center, and that i was commended several times by school administrators when i'd sub in a particular class or school for NOT having to send anyone to the office and still be productive. (i was NOT a walk-over sub.) i think i only sent a kid to the office once. in almost a year of subbing in almost every school in our district.

so, i dunno. i'm not holding my breath. i AM then a bit confused about what God has in store for me- i know i'm supposed to teach, but where else other than this, what with my current financial situation??? i'll wait and see.

I'll know if i've been invited to participate, placed on a waiting list, or declined on March 9. I'll let you all know in a very timely fashion. (i find out this Friday if i passed the test i took January 28, which i have to pass if i do get accepted to the Fellows program.)

Anxiety Attacks!!!!!!!!!

2007-02-09T00:11:00.000-05:00

Ok, so i'm starting to feel this queasiness in my gut whenever i think about my interview on Saturday (please reference earlier blogs and www.chicagoteachingfellows.org for further information). It starts at 9:00 a.m. and will last about 4 hours. I will do a 5-minute sample lesson of my own creation, a round-table discussion, a writing sample, and a personal interview. specific things that i'm worried about are my 5-minute lesson, the round-table discussion, the writing sample, and the individual interview.

just kidding.

i am worried that i'll flub the sample lesson, or that mine will suck compared to the 10-12 other interviewee's lessons, or that i won't finish in five minutes. i'm not worried about the discussion or writing sample too much.

what worries me the most is the personal interview. they will review our resume info, work history and accomplishments, and transcripts. i'm worried that my transcript is flimsy (i really didn't take as much biology and other science as i should have- i only had enough for a BA in biology and not a BS) and my GPA is on the low end of their requirement (at least a 3.0 required, i had a 3.1) and i have a pattern of withdrawls. Now, most all of that is because i spent most of my college years clinically depressed. and completely unmotivated toward the goal of my major that i felt trapped in (biology pre-med and then med school).

and my work history doesn't show the best consistency either- ironically, because i want to teach. i was 2 years at a admin job and left to teach at an alternative school. after one year, our budget was cut and since i was low man on the totem pole, i was cut, too. so God led me to Madison Center, where i learned just how much i AM capable of doing and even was awarded the Employee of the Year honor (1100 employees, not bad...). but after two years, i left that job to move to chicago, because i wanted to be a teacher, and opportunity for going back to school (or getting into a program like this one i'm interviewing for) is much greater. but then i get a job in chicago- again as an admin- and work there for only 18 months. and now i've been unemployed since August. yeah, i'm a great candidate.

thing is, this is what i want. i want to teach. and i want to teach in public schools with kids that most people don't care about.

so, i'm praying a lot. that God will be present with me on Saturday, especially during the interview, and allow the interviewer to see what it is i am capable of being as a result of the stuggles i've had in the past, rather than seeing me as a product of bad decisions and not being committed. sigh. yeah, i know- satan is the father of lies, and the father of fear.

so please pray for the Spirit to protect my spirit and me to be calm and to do my best on Saturday. Thanks.

Re: super bowl

2007-02-05T01:43:00.000-05:00

well, doesn't THAT just stink.

no offense, but if John Elway had to suffer through THREE super bowl losses before winning one, i think peyton manning certainly deserved to go through at least ONE loss before winning. cuz let's face it, the colts will be back to the super bowl. The Bears? hey- we were lucky to get to this one.

tonight on the news there were of course the "reaction pieces" with oh-so-interesting interviews with chicagoans... just about everyone had some sort of variation on the "there's always next year" theme.

i'm thinking those folks are also Cubs fans.

mostly i'm sad for Rex Grossman, the chicago Bears much maligned quarterback. he's been criticized all season long, and with two (three?) interceptions, i'm sure much of chicago will place the superbowl loss squarely on him. and that stinks. sure, he's no john elway- not even a peyton manning- but he played starting QB on a team that made it to the superbowl, and i relaly think that oughtta count for something- like, maybe a little respect.

(btw, i've been posting to my blog via the "email to post" feature, which is why there is the little tag about yahoo at the end of each post- it's not cuz their sponsoring me or i get paid for advertising- it's just cuz they add a tag to everything sent using their free email accounts. someday, when i actually figure out why Blogger suddenly isn't letting me log in to my account from my computer, i'll go in and edit all that yahoo crud out.)

thanks for reading. i hope wherever you are is warmer than where i am today. (high of ZERO, so you can just imagine what the wind chills have been. not as bad as the 80 below in des moines back in my college days, but still pretty uninviting. and our state-of-the-art vintage original-to-the-building windows aren't quite up to the task. we've got a lovely ice garden developing on the inside of our living room window. ICE, mind you- no wimpy frost going on here- we've got ice deposits building up in interesting and beautiful patterns. i just can't WAIT til that ice all melts into our completely watertight and certainly not rotting out vintage window frames.) from the disappointed Windy City- emily

another week, different focal points

2007-02-04T17:47:00.000-05:00

Last week, and the weeks leading up to last saturday, were mostly focused on the fact that i was taking the Biology content Exam (for teachers) at 1:30 p.m. saturday january 27. spent a fair bit of time studying- more than i have since graduating college- and preparing myself mentally to fail the hardest test i've ever taken. i went into it honestly without much anxiety, because i have other opportunities to take the test, and i had no idea what to expect- so, i'll go and see what it's like so i know how to study for my next attempt.
The test is over now, and it was both easier and harder than i expected it to be. Easier in that the biology content was within my scope of knowledge. i felt fairly comfortable with how i did on the biology content. so what (you may be wondering) content was there other than biology? i mean,wasn't this the "Biology Content Exam"? yes, it was. however, you cannot separate out the sciences like you can different languages; you cannot have biology with chemistry, physics, ecology, etc. so, all of the science content exams have a block of questions that cover all of the sciences. i knew this going in. however, i did not expect to be on question 78 of 125 and be wondering "where's the biology?"
So, it was harder in that there was much more non-bio content than i was expecting, and really much more content in the areas of astronomy, earth science, and geology than i was expecting. cell plates formed in plant cells during mitosis? i got that covered. tectonic plates and how they form "island-arc systems" in western north america? not so much.
there were several questions that i managed to remember well enough to look up the answers when i got home (i love the internet) and i believe i chose wisely on all of those. so, i am hopeful that i was able to make good test-taking decisions even on the questions i had not a clue on the answer. post-test, i'd say there was a much better chance of my passing the test than i previously thought; so now, i'm hoping that maybe i won't have to take it again. I won't be surprised wither way- whether i pass or fail- it's a coin toss at this point.

so the new week brought new things to focus on- namely my interview for the Chicago Teaching Fellows Program on February 10. i'm working on my five-minute sample lesson (i think i've finally settled on a topic) and re-reading the materials they sent to be used in the round-table discussion and writing sample. i've ordered my transcripts (please God let them arrive on time!) and am trying to find suitable clothing to wear. i really need a new pair of all-purpose black shoes. it sounds frivolous, but it's really not- i'm trying to put together something that is professional yet comfortable and gives a good impression while also making me feel like i know what i'm doing. and all my choices seem to come down to the fact that i haven't got black shoes. sigh. i have one pair that is nearing falling apart, but the falling apart isn't visible- they look great, they feel horrible. but, i'll prolly make them do. i shouldn't have to be on my feet for much of the day.

and then this new week also brought the sad end of a focus of my life for the last nine months- Kentucky Derby Winner Barbaro was euthanized on Monday morning (jan. 29). I make a point of watching the Derby every year- i usually tape it- and then the Preakness and Belmont Stakes. i'm not a horse racing fan, but i am a Triple Crown fan. not sure why, except that God seems to have created especially beautiful examples of power, grace and beauty in these elegant and sometimes feisty creatures. i've always loved horses, and always wished to know them better- but haven't had much opportunity for long-term horsemanship in my sphere of life. so, i watch the triple crown. i think partly because i grew up hearing my mom talk about watching Secretariat, and how she admired him and his incredible athleticism. I hope every year to catch the next Secretariat- to find that next horse with the incredible talent and ability and the personality, heart, and spirit to match.

last may at the Kentucky Derby, i found my best candidate for that horse in Barbaro. and apparently, so did a lot of other people. i cried after the Preakness. sure, he was alive, but his body was no longer a race horse, while his heart and mind were. So, monday when he died, i sat and watched all his races (kentucky derby website) and cried and for the first time ever found myself wishing that animals go to heaven. or, found myself fervently wishing that parallel universes really existed. people ask me why i got so involved with Barbaro- why his ups and downs could bring tears to my eyes- and really i think it's this: my soul grieves for the race horse that never raced- that future Barbaro, the horse that was just being tapped when he was brought to a screeching halt. last may 20 i found myself wanting those parallel universes because there was something very comforting in thinking that somewhere that horse was still breezing, still working, still running and winning races. monday i cried and i also thought that although he stopped living today, part of him had died last may. and perhaps, in the long run, never being able to run again would have been too much for him?

so, i grieved for the unhappy end to the saga, and watched his races again, and said goodbye, and moved on to the next focus of the week: Scott, Kirsten and Sarah Johnson coming to Chicago for a brief weekend scouting trip! i haven't seen them in five years (Sarah had just turned 3) and they are considering moving to the Chicago area. lemme tell you- the excitement of seeing them again was a big motivation all week! i got to spend all day Friday with them, tooling around the western 'burbs with a realtor giving them a "brief introduction to the communities, and what you can expect for your money in them". i was thrilled to be able to hang out and "meet" Sarah, now close to 8, and catch a glimpse of the wonderful person she's becoming. I was privileged to be able to hear from Scott and Kirsten how this process has progressed, and how it has tested and strengthened them both, and will continue to do so. i was hoping to be able to hang with them Saturday a.m. before their flight home, but it didn't work out. my biggest regret is that i was planning on taking a pic of them and Sarah on my phone Saturday... oh, well- it's likely they will do another of these trips in the future.

so, now it's sunday, february 4- SUPER BOWL SUNDAY! and in about 2 hours the Chicago Bears and the Indianapolis Colts will kickoff a showdown for Midwestern bragging rights. I go on the record now- I am pulling for the BEARS. GO BEARS GO!

This week's focus: my interview event with Chicago Teaching Fellows on Saturday morning/afternoon. i ask for prayers as i prepare and go through the interview. see you all next time!

So it's 2007

2007-01-03T18:21:00.000-05:00

kinda like a birthday- what really changes as that one second clicks into a new day? you? your friends? your job? the world around you? no, nothing really changes at all, except for the letters and numbers on the post mark stamp at the post office. and yet we put a lot of meaning into those "New Year" clicks of the second hand. and i'm not just talking about a big flashy ball dropping in new york or fire works going off over Navy Pier.

a handful of clicks determined whether a tombstone for a young Denver athlete will read "1982-2006" or "1982-2007". a couple clicks determined when illinois landlords began committing class B criminal misdemeanors because of the absence of carbon monoxide detectors in their rental units. that ticking second hand determined whether your newborn child can be claimed as a dependant just as soon as you get your W-2's, or if you're going to have to wait to claim those expenses until a year from now...

i can remember as an elementary student placing great weight on the last time i wrote the date with the "old year" and the first time i wrote the date with the new. i remember thinking about how incredible it was, that this one little instant, just like so many others, carried with it more meaning than all the others. now it's 1985--- poof! now it's not! what's so magic about one little jerk of the second hand anyway? what makes that particular little jerk so much more important than all the others?

perhaps i need to think about the situation conversely: what makes all the other stacatto jumps of the second hand so much LESS important? why do i not place equal importance on every moment i exist?

on the surface, it would appear that we do credit each moment as important: ours is a society ruled by calendars, schedules, watches, alarms, deadlines, start dates, delineated holidays, vacations scheduled in advance, activities worked together like jigsaw puzzles to get the most efficient use of our time out of the 24-hours we're given, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year, for God only knows how many years.

or is that really the reason? are we really scheduling and living according to the calendar in order to get the most out of our available time? or are we constructing our lives into containers of 60-unit intervals because it's actually easier to do it that way instead of living our lives according to what is truly important?

the problem, of course, is that we live in a culture that would not function without chronological order, because the function of our culture is capitalism. and when the function of your society is to collect, produce, sell, buy, and enjoy the profit of consumer goods, non-scheduled life is not possible. i'm not bashing capitalism for the sake of bashing capitalism. but even if i wanted to try to organize my life (or my family's life, if i had children, etc.) around only what was truly important (and healthy) to me, i couldn't. there's too many other constraints present in my environment.

but i digress, again. even though my life is ruled by time, i tend not to truly place equal importance on every moment of time. i fall into the trap of valuing one block of time over another, and it affects my very mindset, my very understanding of my world. for instance, most of my life i have lived looking forward to "the next holiday". it starts in schools- looking forward to Christmas break, looking forward to Spring Break, looking forward to summer. then you go into the working world, and you keep looking forward to the next day off. thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's- then, oh fiddlesticks... nothing for MONTHS! unless you work for a government or financial or educational institution. then you might get martin luther king jr. day off. or president's day. or, here in chicago, roman pulaski day, off.

what's wrong with looking forward to the next day off? on the surface, nothing. but what happens when you come back to work, or to school, whatever, after one holiday, vacation, etc., and immediately focus on how long it is until the next? the interim time is immediately downgraded- no, DEgraded- to time that must be served, rather than time that gets to be enjoyed.

yeah, most people have work that they like to complain about and usually can say that they'd rather not be there. i've been in many job situations that my attitude was just so. even jobs that we initially or at the heart of it ENJOY, we can usually find stressful and wanting an escape from them. or our school/classes. or our job of caring for our children and families in the most important place, the home.

but maybe if we truly, radically stopped thinking about the moment we're in in terms of the moments to come, we'd relieve ourselves of a great deal of stress, pressure, anxiety. if we could somehow just BE exactly when we are, enjoying just BEING, we'd find our quality of being improve, at least mentally.

Jesus said it best, really. Scripture records many times this basic idea: why do we as mortal human beings worry ourselves with anything other than the right now? the Bible exhorts us to remember that God is truly in control, and will care for us even greater than He cares for the grass that withers after one day. we are directed by Jesus to seek only one thing: the kingdom of God.

my moments generally don't reflect a seeking of the kingdom of God. i'm not talking about going to africa a missionary here. i'm talking about living each moment in a way that praises and worships the One who gave me each moment. going to a bible study instead of watching my favorite TVshow. calling a friend, investing in this person who is a child of God, rather than playing a computer game. i should be cleaning and organizing my bedroom because it saps my energy and bears me down like an cartoon anvil rather than watching the movie i watched, taking the nap i took, playing the game with my roommates... reading the word of God at least as often as i read the latest issue of the 2 magazines i get. studying for the biology test i have to take January 27 rather than doing word searches, crosswords, or looking up municipal building codes.

if i could truly see time as ways to seek God and show God to others, rather than as little ticks that i am allotted to use as i see fit; rather than long stretches of time that must be endured in order to get to a somehow more important, better time; rather than viewing it as how much will i have to give up to do what must be done so that i can use all the rest for fun things.

if i could only look around every few clicks of that clock and think- wow, how was God present here just now? i'm quite confident that in doing this i would not only be better emotionally and physically, i'm certain that in seeking God in every moment He would give me the moments of rest that i have so desperately craved in the past. i read in His Word that He will provide everything i need, and this would include the moments of solitude, of peace, of rest, of relaxation that i tend to "look forward" to over all my other moments, and yet never truly seem to fully realize.

i'm rambling, i guess, now. but i went to a women's retreat in October that addressed the concept of time and how our culture's concept of time is really very detrimental and oppositional to how God wants us to live our lives. and with the New Year thing, it's been rambling about in my brain.

thanks for reading. (all 3 of you!) i guess i should sign off now and go see how i can seek God's kingdom in the next moments. prolly not by playing a game of computer boggle. or working on that crossword i started earlier... i should prolly get up, take a shower (haven't done that yet today) and spend some time seeking God's harmony in my life by putting my stacks of clean laundry away. and then i should pack up the 2 pre-paid USPS boxes i've had for two weeks to send to friends in PA and CO. They'd appreciate getting those, and i'd certainly be showing my love for God more by doing that than by doing another word search.

even if it is a book of Bible Word Searches. *grin*

i may schedule my life away, and have only a dozen moments of seeking the Kingdom of God. it's even harder being unemployed- i have all this time, and it's somehow even harder to use it.

Chicago Teaching Fellows Program update

2006-12-20T21:33:00.000-05:00

well, i applied on monday december 11 (the deadline day). Late last night my email had an interview invitation from the program! this is good- at least i looked good enough on paper for them to want to see me in person. i was very excited to see the invite; i had pretty much been working to convince myself that i wouldn't get an interview just so that i wouldn't be disappointed...

so, thanks for your prayers, and please continue to do so. i signed up for an interview event on Saturday Febraury 10. it starts at 9:00 a.m. and lasts 5-6 hours. includes sample teaching lesson, round-table discussion, writing sample, and individual interview. (trying hard not to get too apprehensive; i know that i have the ability to handle myself phenomenally in situations like that- if i just saty cool and keep praying.)

merry christmas!

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i am a teacher

2006-12-11T14:26:00.000-05:00

i just don't have teacher certification in the eyes of the public schools... but God made me a teacher, and that's what i thrive on. so, today- just a little bit ago- i clicked "Submit" on an online application for the Chicago Teaching Fellowes program, saying a prayer as i did so. (Please see http://www.chicagoteachingfellows.org/ for more info.)

this program is extremely competitive, and although i know that i am a good teacher, i don't feel as though i have the best work history to get me through as a "successful professional". But i know that God wants me to teach somewhere, and this is a great program and exactly what i moved to chicago to try to do. I know that even getting an interview invitation will be completely God, and i am praying daily to trust and be peaceful about knowing that if this is where God wants to work through me, then He'll get me in the door.

this past week has been active for cindy and i in terms of "what to do with our lives". in addition to my attending the info meeting for CTF and deciding to apply, we met with the director of the chicago Mennonite Voluntary Service unit to discuss the opportunity to serve with here in the city. For Cindy especially i think this would be a tremendously positive experience. we are talking about doing it together, or cindy has said she thinks she'd do it on her own, should i end up being accepted as a teacher for the Fellowes program. either way, we are excited, and also a little apprehensive about waiting to see how God will work everything out.

we are also starting a small group study of the book and workbook called "Experiencing God" by Blackaby. This "coincidental" starting of the study at the same time we are searching for what God's will is in the next several years has been a great blessing for me.

God is good. we continue to search for gainful employment for Cindy, as her day care position had to be down-sized, much to the dismay of all involved! I am still searching for something that would allow me to teach anything to anyone, and have applied for many jobs without hearing anything back. this has been frustrating for both of us (never hearing back) but if we do end up doing VS or i do the teaching, our needs for jobs would change to needing just 6 months or so, and so the jobs that would be acceptable would change as well. maybe we haven't gotten anything because God is planning something different for us and therefore we've been applying at the "wrong" places? i dunno. but if i had gotten a job at any of the museums i'd applied at, and then had to quit after 6-8 months, that wouldn't have best served me or the museum, ya know? reevaluating the long-term plans and living arrangement, a part-time job or two until VS or teachign starts would more than suffice.

in either case, as i search for my next employment, i am blessed to be receiving unemployment benefits (from separation at last job) and we are so far managing to live on that and on cindy's part-time day care. (cindy is not eligible for unemployment.)

please keep us in your prayers, and i will keep praying for all of you, my friends and family!

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the news of my demise...

2006-11-11T21:45:00.000-05:00

i'm not dead yet!
in fact:
i feel better!
so much better, that:
i think i'll go for a walk!

ever feel like the cart is pulling up alongside, just waiting to take you out with the rest of the dead? luckily, i haven't got anyone in my life to thwack me over the head and make me eligible for the cart prematurely. this is lucky, you see, because i've been right at that "thrown over someone's shoulder to be carried out to the death cart" place for the last little while- and (as you can see in the still shot from the movie) it's a precarious position. but, i truly have been feeling better the last week or so, and think that my outlook just may be more fortunate than the outcome for the poor old man in the movie.

i am hopeful, at least. and hope is half the battle. maybe more than half.

(if you are clueless regarding the movie the still shot is taken from, then i will refer you to a transcript of this scene from this great and esteemed miracle of 20th century cinema: http://www.mwscomp.com/movies/grail/grail-02.htm and encourage you to experience the movie in it's full glory- i've got it on dvd should you need it. hee hee.)

I have lately finished reading for the second time that volume of literature titled Jane Eyre; a novel of not only engaging characters and intrigue of plot, but one which also reminds the reader of the rather startling- indeed, frightening- decline in quality of the average person's usage of basic language in communication: namely, the near extinction of the art of writing and reading volumes containing more than the vocabulary of a small child and which are constructed of sentences and descriptive passages more complex than those employed by Dr. Seuss. Let me not convey that I disparage the talent or the place in our culture for Dr. Seuss as a literary figure; I have enjoyed the eccentric rhymes and jovial illustrations of that author as like as any other. I am merely struck by the extreme abandonment of the current so-called modern culture of the study and practice of language in it's more complex and effective forms. I think it is not mere coincidence that, as the true ability to author and orate in fine form has declined, so have the abilities of the common masses to construct thoughts and follow thoughts that are longer than 10 words and need more than 10 seconds to express. This lethargy of the mind, this loss of keen conversation and sharp observation conveyed within finely crafted sentences, appears to me as grave a deficiency of society as any other put forward by the statesmen, clerical leaders, and social commentators of our day.

And if you followed that, then i entreat you to go immediately to the library and procure for yourself a copy of Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre forthwith.

still alive

2006-11-06T22:37:00.000-05:00

i could really use some prayer right now for peace of mind and mental health. cindy and i are BOTH suddenly looking for jobs. i'm getting unemployment, but she is not eligible. her loss of job was sudden and unexpected, and reluctantly done.

car insurance is due nov. 20 and my eyeglasses broke last week. (the day before cindy found out about her job.) with the holiday season coming up, loss of income is even more keenly felt.

i'm confused and frustrated, and starting to feel angry at God, at myself, at my sister, at anyone who has more money than i do and wastes it frivolously... did i mention God? so, prayer would be very helpful. thanks.

on a positive note: Barbaro's cast was removed today! this is the cast on the leg that was actually injured in the Preakness; it has been replaced with plastic and fabric split/support wrap. his lower left foot is still bandaged and being treated for laminitis in the left rear hoof. that will need another six months to "fully" recover. i'm so thrilled. www.timwoolleyracing.com

quality literature

2006-11-01T13:13:00.000-05:00

Jane Eyre.

'nuf said.
*sigh*

i tried blogging on friday....

2006-11-01T00:07:00.000-05:00

but after 45 minutes of writing and getting to number 13 on a list of "random thoughts" my computer froze (or the blogger website froze) and i had to physically shut down my computer (control+alt+delete didn't work at all) and i lost everything! this really made me mad. i am not good at "recreating" my blogs. they are, by definition, random. spur of the moment. and this past friday's blog was a real-time commentary on what i was experiencing while perusing the 5 broadcast telelvision channels we get.
now, that doesn't sound very exciting, i know. but it included several number's-worth (on that list) talking about how angry i get at seeing God's creatures (humans) abusing other of God's creatures (humans and exotic animals). i was watching 20/20 and they had two stories- one on a wife-beater, and one on the increasingly dangerous tendency for exotic animals "sanctuaries" to be money-making up-close-and-personal encounters resulting in unsafe situations and death.
it also included a running commentary on the World Series game underway that evening. it turned out to be the last World Series game, as St Louis surprised just about everyone by winning the title in 5 games. my little comments about the state of the game were witty and amusing. you'll have to take my word on it.
those comments alos included the statement: "i would like to take this opportunity to declare one last time to the entire world that i live in the home of the Major League Baseball World Champions- the Chicago White Sox! Because, in about five minutes, barring a miracle for Detroit, i won't be able to say that any more..."
so tonight i am blogging just to say that i tried to blog on friday and was thwarted. but, i am still alive, and i am doing pretty well, all things considered.
in fact, today i was treated to an especially nice and wonderful occurance that lifted my spirits immensely all day long: i got a card from my friend melissa. and, not only was the card a welcomed encouragement, but this card also contained something more precious than gold: pictures of her gorgeous and adorable children!!!
i needed uplifting today, because this evening my eyeglasses broke. so tomorrow morning i will go out in search of dirt-cheap glasses. i have contacts that i can wear but only for short periods of time. so tonight i've been wearing my sunglasses (prescription, yes) and feeling rather silly. (yes, everyone, go ahead and start singing, my sister has been all evening: "i wear my sunglasses at night...")
okay, well, i'm going to go for this evening. don't want to risk another meltdown and loss of blog content. i'll try to write more regularly. sorry.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Is this cheating?

2006-10-02T20:41:00.000-04:00

If i put the date i actually wrote this, it would be September 5. But if i put the date as September 5 when i'm really putting it into the computer on October 2, then that seems like it's cheating. but it also breaks up the items i'm blogging- so that instead of one huge big blog with today's date, i'd have several shorter blogs with the dates that i wrote stuff, just didn't get it entered.

So, is that cheating? i don't think so. maybe i'll make little notes at the bottom: written 9/5 entered 10/2? dunno. but here's what i wrote on monday, september 5.

um- okay. i can't seem to find what i wrote. this stinks. i guess the whole question of cheating is now moot.

well, now i don't know what to write. i'm still unemployed. of course, i can't really remember if i've written stuff about being unemployed or not. just today i was stuck again by how much i don't miss my job AT ALL. i was thinking about how much less stress is in my life. about how i don't wake up dreading getting out of bed, how i don't go to sleep dreading having to get up and go to work. about how much i didn't truly realize how stressed and full of dread my life had become. even without a job, i feel so weightless. it helps that cindy is working much more now, and that the umemployment officer saw things my way and i'm getting unemployment benefits. so i can breathe a bit while taking more time to try and find a job i'll actually enjoy. so far, haven't yet gotten any calls back from any of the jobs for which i've applied. this is discouraging. especially since one of them is at the Museum of Science and Industry in the Education department working with demonstrations to the public. *sigh* i could do that. i would enjoy that. but there are most probably a ton of people out there with a ton more qualifications. and that is what's frustrating. oh well.

gonna go now. really bummed i couldn't find the stuff i wanted to enter.

Just another Flushing Meadows Sunday...

2006-09-03T16:57:00.000-04:00

Through the grainy broadcast signal of Channel 2 the tennis ball was at times indistinguishable from the fuzzy interference, but that wasn't going to stop me from watching the end of an incredible career. It was a battle that sounded familiar- Agassi vs. Becker- but was only an ironic allusion to matches of the past. This Becker wasn't Boris. This Agassi was playing his final professional tennis match with grace and gratitude.

Viewers were told that Agassi received multiple cortizone and pain shots in order to walk out of the tunnel and onto the court at the Arthur Ashe Stadium for his Round 3 match today. Nobody watching had to be told why Agassi chose the US Open for his final Tournament appearance: the crowd of nearly 25,000 in Flushing Meadows, NY gave Agassi the shots of adrenaline and frenetic encouragement that seem unique to the Agassi/US Open Fans long-term relationship. I've watched other players get support at the Open, especially in the center court of the courts, Arthur Ashe Stadium. But that support never appears so intense, so compelling, so emotionally involving as when it is being produced for Agassi.

So this year, as Agassi made it clear that retirement was the immediate future, the electric charges surrounding his US Open matches were elevated to higher levels as everything he did might be the last time he did that. And today, I was tuned in to see if Andre could stave off "the last time" one time more. No one had any illusions about Andre getting past Round 4, even if he did get through this Round 3 game; Round 4 will most likely be Andy Roddick, a man who gave Agassi trouble when Andre was in much better physical condition. So Round 3 vs. Becker would probably be the last Agassi US Open win. After a phenomenal 5-set win in Round 2, we were ready to cheer just one more brilliant Agassi victory.

Today, he almost pulled it out of nowhere- that "last Agassi US Open win". But somehow Becker pulled himself up out of a slow free fall in the fourth set, and for a few minutes, when it most counted, played as he had in the first set, when he was fresh instead of wearied and fighting his own cramping. Those few minutes were enough to fight off a 40-love break attempt by a weary Agassi and then to fire a couple of 120+mph aces to take the match in 4 sets. Just like that, in just a few moments- from another Agassi wear-the-opponent-down win prospect to watching the last ace whiz past- and we were watching the last time Agassi lost a US Open match.

The players came to the net, the last time Andre greeted his opponent at a US Open center court. The players shook the hand of the umpire, the last US Open hand shake. Andre sat down in his courtside chair, and covered his shaved head with a white towel- the last time. That towel stayed up over his head, hands massaging his face, his eyes through the cotton, for longer than usual. Every person present had been standing long before Andre even made it back to his chair, and they would continue standing in an ovation that lasted a good five minutes.

Once he pulled the towel away Andre walked to center court and gave his signature four-sided bow and kiss to the spectators. Tears were present on and off the court as everyone thought: the last bow. Not, so, though- some minutes later after still more ovation, after sitting and staring up around the stadium through teary and satisfied, incredulous eyes, he got back up and bowed again for the last time.

Then, like he'd suddenly decided "this is it and it's time to go now" he packed his rackets, hoisted his bag, and walked with purpose to the tunnel, waving but not really pausing, that special bittersweet smile looking up for the last time before looking down and ducking into the shadow of off-court.

Becker called him "my idol growing up".

Andre gave the classiest farewell speech i've ever heard.

The crowd at Arthur Ashe will remain standing, giving its ovation, for many years to come: every time one of the kids at Andre's Las Vegas charter school graduates the applause will spill forth; every time a kid walks into the Boys&Girls Club he funded voices will cheer; when people look at his life and learn from his progression from punk-a&& kid to class-act role model, the masses will jump to their feet.

Every time Andre chases his daughter, or tosses a ball to his son, the crowd will roar as Andre leaves the tennis court for the last time and pours his energy into all the first times still ahead.

Thanks Andre, for the journey.

I am Alive!

2006-08-31T00:27:00.000-04:00

So, I have been absent. Blogging is sometimes hard for me to do, like writing in my journal. there are weeks and months in my journal with entries almost daily- and then- poof! i disappear for months. I think it's related to my depression- when i am in a "down" swing, i tend to dislike writing anything. journal, letters, email, blogs. years ago i wrote a poem- an oral poem only, that i memorized and the punch line was basically "but i can't write it down because then it would exist". for years before i was on meds for depression that was a main reason i wouldn't write- i just didn't want to have to face it later- or have it in writing as hard "proof" of my state of existance. i, like most people who suffer from depression of any sort, was very good at faking it, at covering up the absolute miserableness i really felt every minute of every day; to write something contrary to that was somehow hypocritical! what irony! since it was the fake, covering up me that was hypocritical.
Anyway- that's not usually why i don't write now. since i've been on meds, i don't usually feel like that- and when i do it's usually because i've messed up the meds. *grin* no, the reason i don't like to write when i'm in my funks now is just because it takes so- much- energy.
crazy? yeah. but when i'm in a down and out funk, the mental, emotional, and physical energy required to simply put my thoughts on paper or on screen is simply more than i feel capable of doing. and when my funk-filled mind considers the exertion it would take to do so, it frequently follows up with something to the effect of "you ain't got nothin' worth writin' anyway, so why bother?"
sometimes i don't blog because i haven't quite figured things out yet, the way i can do in a private hand-written journal. some things i can't figure out on screen. the neatly arranged rows of instantaneous typefont are fluid enough for the emotional intensity of my maelstorm mind. so i don't blog at all, because i don't want to blog about something inane and worthless, which i think is my only option to deep and profound.
so, i'm blogging now. still haven't truly figured everything out on paper. but i got a lot of it down, and figured, and mostly reconciled. and i'm starting to be able to see little happy things in my daily life. little things that were gone or i'd forgotten under the burden of stress i was carrying in the name of "making a living." and, although i am still rather terrified about how cindy and i are going to meet all of our financial needs with me unemployed and cindy working part time, i have come to the point that i can BREATHE again- truly breathe in deep refreshing calming droughts of Holy Spirit- and i can look back and recognize how unhealthy my job was for me. and for those around me. and i can breathe, look forward, and say without one trace of guilt or bitterness- in fact, i can take simple pure joy in saying it- "i never have to go back there again. those problems are no longer mine."
Praise Jesus.
tomorrow i start a one-week engagement as a temporary receptionist for a company whose normal lady is on vacation through next week. this is not through a temp agency, which means i actually get the real salary ($12/hr) and no taxes are withheld. since i won't be making enough from this job to have to file with the IRS, this is nice. and a nice little band-aid for my financial panic. it is also ideal in that other than answer the phones and check the fax machine, i have no duties. when i asked the receptionist what i should be doing in the other time, she pointed to the computer screen and said, "i shop online!" or read books, magazines, write, whatever. So, not only will i get to work in a very pleasant and friendly environment, with lots of natural light and foliage, i will be able to spend as much time on my job search as i would at home. maybe more, since i won't have the distraction of The Monkees at noon on MeTV. hee hee.
i am a little worried about getting there on-time after 10 days of not being able to go to sleep once i go to bed. started off little, but grew into a big deal- when you go to bed at 11 and lie there, desperately tired but unable to shut your mind down and fall asleep, until 2, 2:30, 3:00, 3:30... once even 4 o'clock... it makes it really really hard to keep yourself awake during the day (which you want to do, so that you might be tired enough to fall asleep that night), and it gets really really hard to keep up a good attitude. Sunday night was the worst. insomnia, mind won't shut up, an added fun facet of sinus pain and excrutiating headache, going back and forth from one end of bed to the other, sobbing in frustration, pain, deseration that please God i just want to go to sleep- then morphing into absolute anger and yelling at God (in my head of course, don't want to wake Cindy up) about how much this sucks, and how i'm not really sure he has any kind of plan in store for me at all, and that if He did, he sure sucked at guiding me down it, cuz i have tried and tired and tried to do what i think he wants and i've asked and asked for what he wants me to do to be clear, but it sure ain't worked so far, has it, God?!?!?!
Yes, emily wastn't so happy sunday night. i realized that it was the first time that i'd every really truly thought to myself "God doesn't have a thing in store for me. it's all a big joke."
that lasted about 20 minutes. *grin* but, the fact that it happened at all i think is significant. instead of just sugar-coating all my doubts in a layer of "but God has a plan for me" sticky sweetness, i was absolutely brutally honest with myself, and then with God, about how i was feeling in my soul. and after i got it all out, not only did i feel better physically from getting all that energy out, but God (of course) implemented the next little step of "guiding emily toward me and therefore healing" by prompting me to turn on my cd player (remote control) because maybe music will distract me mind long enough to fall asleep!!! (that's what i was thinking) and the Newsboys starts playing, track 1 "Devotion" and by the time i'm to track 7 (i call it "Lullaby") i'm ready to hit repeat and listen over and over to the refrain about God "building you a home, building you a home- selah"
mind you, my bed never did become comfortable that night, and after a half-dozen times of "Lullaby" the idea of going out to the couch actually sounded comfortable, and i did, and managed to sleep in fits and starts, waking up 4 times that i can remember to radically change position again. not really restful at all, but in some way, still nourishing. monday was great, with me getting two tailored resumes out, one of them being the one for this temp job i do tomorrow. monday night i slept better, if still not "well", and tuesday was a very good day which i will relate at another time. because it's midnight. and my alarm is going off at 5:30. and i'm hoping i can actually fall asleep in the next hour. if i do, it will be the earliest in more than a week!
for those of you out there praying for me after getting the brief message that i'd left my job, I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. i love you all. i hope you've enjoyed reading this proof that i still exist, and am even enjoying some of my life.

The state of affairs in Chicago on Monday, July 18, 2006

2006-08-01T02:05:00.000-04:00

Joe Cocker spent time in the Chicago Loop?

“Hot town summer in the city
Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty
Been down, isn't it a pity
Doesn't seem to be a shadow in the city
All around people looking half dead
Walking on the sidewalk hotter than a match head “

High of 96 degrees, heat index of 105, 83% humidity.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

The Battle Within

2006-07-05T18:41:00.000-04:00

So, i've just had one of the more amusing telephone conversations to date with my father; a conversation that personifies the classic image of the angel on one shoulder warring with the demon on the other shoulder...

Mom and Dad are coming up tomorrow to visit us here in Chicago. I thought they were staying until Sunday, like at noon. they usually leave early enough on Sunday to be back in the Eastern Time Zone by 4:00 for their church service. But, i didn't know for sure if they were involved in anything that they HAD to be there or not.

So, i get an email from one of the guys in my office a bit ago- a forward from his wife at another company- a guy there has up to 6 tickets he's wanting to sell for $28 (dirt cheap) to the Sunday afternoon White Sox vs. Red Sox game. upper deck, behind home plate.

i immediately pick up the phone to call my mom (who is off all this week) and ask when they are planning on leaving chicago. instead, my dad answers. he says they're planning on leaving Saturday early evening. oh, well then nevermind, i say. Why? he asks. so i tell him.

the battle of wills has begun. he had been thinking of trying to get tickets even the night or afternoon of the first two Sox/Sox games on Friday and Saturday... he knows $28 is dirt cheap for this game, this year... he knows the game starts at 1:05, which is 2:05 Eastern. He knows there is no way he'd make it for church... he starts thinking out loud that maybe Evan could do the sound this Sunday... but crud, he relaly has to be there for Sunday School and he really can't not be there, and oh, man!

God- or the White Sox? *grin*

If only the tickets were for Saturday. God won.

just barely...

2006-07-05T15:29:00.000-04:00

So, this is a fairly accurate representation of how i've been feeling of late... part of the reason that my blogging frequency has severely decreased.

for that, i apologize. i shall try harder to make myself write more. even if i don't "feel like it".

I'm so excited!

2006-06-21T15:40:00.000-04:00

I'm so excited because our cousins and their two girls are coming up this weekend, and we get the girls (ages 2 and 4) overnight Friday and all day Saturday and maybe even Saturday night (assuming the girls aren't sick of us or homesick for momma and poppa...)

I'm so excited about this, that I'm even excited about CLEANING because I'm cleaning so that they can come!!! (they should come more often!) we're going to set up cindy's little pup tent in the family room and "camp" Friday nite, then hang with the girls at various parks/water features/the lake Saturday morning and early afternoon (or do indoor stuff if too hot), TAKE NAPS Saturday afternoon, then meet their parents downtown for dinner and the Hancock center and Millennium Park/Grant Park Music Festival concert. (Rod and Michelle will be spending an adult day at the Museum of Science and Industry without the girls. Rod's never been.)

Cue music***I'm so excited- and I just can't hide it--- (do do, do do, doooo) I'm about to lose control, and I think I want to- I want to****

Oh- AND I just found out that our office has decided on their summer outing: a yacht dinner cruise on the evening of August 3, which just happens to be my birthday!!! We get to invite one guest, so me and my sista' gonna' have something fun to do on my birthday!

Today's funny little blurb...

2006-06-19T12:21:00.000-04:00

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

-compliments of the Metzlerton Bulletin Board thingy that I still haven't quite figured out...

My Mother's Day

2006-05-18T13:45:00.000-04:00

So, a while ago i posted "oh dear what a long time" in the form of random comments in list form. I got one comment (yes, i know i'm really writing this just for you, Lis!) and it was about the comment i made regarding my mother.
the comment was: "my mom is a pretty incredible woman. (i'm not really bummed about that.) too bad i took so long to really figure that out. (i am bummed about that.)"
Mellifluous wanted to know what prompted me to write that. At the time, i think it was just the whole recent event of my mom's mom dying, her funeral, and observing Mom interacting with her siblings and friends and family. But if i'm thinking about it now, then i would write as follows...
My Mom
I first got an inkling of what kind of woman my mother was when i went to college. isn't that the way it always seems to work?
i left home and went to des moines and met many wonderful young men and women who became great and lasting friends. Most of these closest friends were also Jesus followers (aka Christian), but many of the them were NOT from Christian homes. Many of them did not have both parents, either because of death or irreconcilable differences. Many of them had parents who were their inspiration only because they gave an example of what NOT to do...
And i realized that i had awesome parents. And that my parents/family were not the norm.
That was my first wake up call. My second wake up call came when i had moved back home after college. (isn't that the way it always seems to work?)
i did actually live with my parents for about 2 yrs after college, and then moved out into my own place. Somewhere along that time, i became a charter member of a small group Bible study composed of people that went to my family's church. i ended up being part of that group for 5 years. i was one of the youngest in the group. the "oldest" was a couple that was my parents' age and was in my parents' Sunday School class. They were people whose integrity and intelligence i respected greatly. He was teaching their Sunday School class at the time, and it was common knowledge that he was a good teacher. She was an open and honest and inspired "wounded healer" whose compassion was tangible. i'd heard my mom refer to both of them with admiration for their faith, their insight, their ability to connect with and come alongside people and minister. And just be good friends. good people. my mom would definately say "they're good people."
So, one time at small group, several years into it, the discussion somehow produced the second wake up call about my mom as a human being and not just "my mom". i wish that i could better recall the circumstances, but i can't. i think that our conversation involved the way parents influence us even as adults? i dunno. but i said something to the effect of "i realized after going to college what a great blessing God gave me in the form of my parents".
Now, please note that my dad moved us from colorado to indiana so he could go to seminary and become a minister. he has shelves and shelves full of "Bible books". he has given sermons. he was an elder at our church when i was a little girl. he's been involved in more ways than i can remember in church leadership. he was this guy that people respected and said good things about as far as church/faith/religious stuff. i'm used to hearing from people what a Godly man my father is. (And i mostly agree with everything i hear! *grin*)
So when i mention in small group what a blessing my parents have been in my life, i must confess that i am taken by surprise when the compassionate wounded healer immediately affirms my comment and begins extolling the incredible spriitual depth and level of faith she so admires in my mother. Up to that point, i'd known my mom was cool, was Godly, and was a good friend. i was beginning to experience those aspects of her in my life as an adult. But in one statement, this woman literally peeled the scales off my eyes and revealed my mother as a woman that was admired and respected and valued by other woman of God who were cool and good friends. women who i admired. who i thought had it all together. here was this woman saying how she is constantly amazed by my mom and what an incredible person she is and how glad she is to know her.
i think i actually verbalized to my small group my surprise, and sudden awareness of how little i know about my mother's interactions with others. and the heads started nodding around the circle agreeing with how much they all felt the same way about my mom as this couple.
I started paying more attention after that. and as time passes, my sister and i keep adding things to the "wow- Mom was really ahead of her time/is really used by God" realizations.
granted, there are still times when my mother is "just" my mother- my frustrating, slightly annoying, sometimes forgetful mom. i know there are still times that i am "just" her frustrating, very stubborn, bossy little girl. but on the whole, i think that Mom and i have a healthy friendship with a rock-solid foundation, and that the friendship, the Rock foundation, and the person she is proud to see me becoming are all greatly due to her success as a human being- following Jesus, praising God, and acting in the Spirit.

Today is a dragging kind of day...

2006-05-18T10:40:00.000-04:00

It's only 9:30 and already I feel like I've been at work for 5 hours... I have so much tedious stuff to do, and all of it needed to get done weeks ago but I never have time to do this stuff because there is always "this has to be done right now" stuff and so things like filing, and creating folders for new files, and organizing the employee files, and updating the QA/QC manual (and I could go on and on) just gets pushed back again and again and again until I am buried under stacks- literal STACKS- of filing and piles of papers waiting for folders to be filed in... not to mention that I don't really have a filing system in which to file because we here at where I work can't seem to actually approve a final version of a revamped filing system... at least today it is SUNNY. Well, so far. J Please God, keep it sunny today, please?

Sorry I've been so lacking in posts... haven't felt inspired to do much of anything lately... except I have worked a lot at cleaning and organizing and actually unpacking and decorating my bedroom in the last week. That feels good to wake up to.

Only one more day until Friday!

two things i learned about quilt blocks

2006-04-25T15:11:00.000-04:00

1) They are a lot of fun to plan, create, invent, work color schemes, etc.

2) They are a lot harder to actually sew than it would at first appear.

Our Quilting Day Blitz at my church was a spectacular success! Over 200 quilt blocks sewn in one day! It was fun helping kids (and adults, but I mostly stuck with kids) make something that looks really awesome at the end- something they didn't think they could do. It was also fun watching all the interactions between everyone there- my 82-yr-old Mennonite grandma who's made more quilts than you can shake a stick at who came up to help, my aunt JoAnn who made her own very first quilt block but was an expert sewing machine sewer resource and "mentor" for several kids, my mom who started helping a first-time adult quilt-block maker and ended up spending all day with that woman making one of the most intricate quilt blocks of the day (no, they didn't really know what they were getting into... well, my mom did kinda but couldn't abandon Judy once they'd begun- and it WAS awesome), all the kids interacting, the teenagers (including BOYS) making blocks for the youth pastor's ordination quilt, all the adults chatting, hanging, asking for and giving advice, encouragement and praise... it was so cool.

It was also incredibly exhausting. Wow. The hot tub at mom's hotel was certainly appreciated...

So, I did make one of my own. And I would very much like to continue to delve into the world of quilting. But here's something I learned about quilting as a process: it also is a lot harder than it would appear. Time intensive. The blocks are all done, but now people have to take all the blocks for each quilt, make sure they are all a uniform size, cut all the material that goes in between all the blocks, sew the material and blocks together, then actually quilt or knot the pieced quilt-block top to the one-piece backing, and then bind the whole thing.

I always knew that quilts were the products of a lot of time, energy, (and in my case with my grandma- LOVE) but this experience has started to show me exactly what all that time and energy and money really looks like.

I also thoroughly enjoyed the time spent laughing (a lot) with some of the wonderful women in my family. Mom, Grandma, Jo, Cindy and I laughed until we cried at points... we also enjoyed Thai, Mediterranean, and Cambodian food, Cambodian traditional dancing (at a Cambodian New Year celebration hosted by the Cambodian congregation of our church on Sunday), and playing games (with Dana too) and laughing some more. All in all, an excellent weekend!

excited about this weekend

2006-04-20T18:04:00.000-04:00

So, I am excited about this weekend. My mom, other grandma, and aunt are coming up Saturday morning and we are going to go to my church building and spend a good chunk of the day making or helping other people make quilt blocks for FIVE quilts. 4 wedding quilts and an ordination. They are spending the night at a hotel with TWO pools AND a hot tub. Then, after church on Sunday, the Cambodian congregation of our church is hosting a Cambodian New Year's Celebration, with food, music, and dancing, and we are going to spend time there, too.

I am excited mostly that my family members are excited. I mean, it's not everyone that would spend money to come up and sew for total strangers and think that Cambodian New Year Celebrations were cool. Of course, I KNOW the real draw is that they get to come spend time with us, me and my wonderful sister.

We miss them, too.

My first-ever Guest Posting

2006-04-18T18:30:00.000-04:00

Okay, so my sister read my blog, and actually emailed me a response, and said she'd greatly like me to post it if I approved. I have to say, she put into words better than I have. Makes me feel not quite so silly about the four little rocks sitting under my computer screen... each one chosen to go there because it was unique and amazing. Thanks, cindy.

~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~

The following entry is by Cindy....

Yes, she really, really, really likes rocks, all shapes sizes and colors...it doesn't matter...MLE likes rocks. There is just something about what they symbolize I think that has her fascinated. Rocks are little pieces of history, a tiny (or not so tiny) snap shot of the world as it was when the rock was formed. From weather patterns to pollen levels there is a massive amount of information contained in each and every rock. When you hold a rock you are holding an incredible amount of information. Information that may be hundreds or thousands of years old can be found in a rock of any shape, size or color. A rock can travel over such an incredible area over its extremely long 'life' cycle. You can hold in your hand a rock that may have been held by a settler heading west hundreds of years ago. The rock you hold may have been brought to a different continent by a young child using it as part of his game. Each rock would have an amazing story to tell if only they could. The pebble you kick off the sidewalk today may have been part of a mighty mountain in times past, you just never know. Aside from the history of rocks there lies within rocks such beauty that one can never tire discovering the next one. Just go to any lake, stream, or ocean and look at the rock along the water line. The smooth well worn curves, the vibrant colors of some, the neutral simplicity of others, these are things that MLE notices and admires. The shocking difference in appearance between the same rock when it is wet or it is dry. The wonder and power of God to have incorporated such awesome things as rocks into our everyday lives is something MLE is thankful for. I get a little frustrated with the amount of rocks that Emmy wants to bring home with her every time she goes to the lake, or woods. Sometimes I need to remind myself why she likes them, and that maybe I should join her more often in looking at the wonder of creation that lies all around us....even in a city like Chicago.