Sometimes you're the pigeon...

…sometimes you're the statue…

I'm really tired of feeling pooped on. *sigh*

I am a bright and intelligent woman. Why doesn't anyone want me to work for them?

I apologize for not writing more. My laptop screen no longer has any tension, meaning that it just flops all the way back. So to use it I have to sit somewhere I can prop the screen up. It kinda limits where and how much I use it. So that's one reason I haven't been writing as much. Another reason is that our modem died several weeks ago, and so we've been in a time of transition as Dana and Cindy get a new modem/wireless system up and running, and make my computer like it. *grin* and for a while cindy's computer didn't like it either, so internet access has been intermittent. And lastly, my mind and body have been kinda in Survival Mode lately, and not in a Waxing Eloquent Mode. It just doesn't seem kind to my very small audience to log on to write something when my brain is consumed with "must get job must get job must get job must pay rent must pay rent must pay rent must buy city sticker must buy city sticker must get job must get job God please I need a job just keep swimming just keep swimming…" (ah, if only I could be a small blue fish in a big blue ocean with no cares other than "don’t get dead.")

So, I am at a temp job today and tomorrow and am taking advantage of their internet to stay a little late and write a little bit to let my very small audience know that I am alive. I am waiting to hear from yet another job for which I went in for 2 interviews and am expecting to hear back from any day. It is difficult to feel anything other than panic when considering this position and whether I hope to get it or not and if I have a chance, etc. That's too much of an emotional roller coaster when the brain's on Survival Mode. So, I don't think about it much and when I do all I let myself say is that I think I would be good at the job and that if I'm what the job needs then God will have me get it. If not, then I won't and I've done all I can in regards to it and it's all on God. Carefully constructed indifference. Cuz the job I really wanted was Shedd. And I'm not willing to get invested in another position and go through "no thank you" again.

See, this is why I haven't written. It's terribly depressing. I love you all, and am praying for my friends and family. If you have something specific you'd like me to remember in my prayers, please leave me a comment or email me.

Staying afloat- emily