so, no job tomorrow morning. of course, this does not mean that God is NOT awesome. He is. i'm not sure what he was trying to prove with this little yo-yo, but maybe He was just showing me a little bit of flexing before he reels the big one in for me. i choose to remain hopeful, and i am choosing to continue to trust God to give me another way to meet the financial obligations i have.
the yo-yo may not affect just me: today at After School Program i told all the staff and the kids that it was my last day. i guess it was kinda nice to see that people were truly bummed by that. one girl did nothing but glare at me for the rest of the homework time, refusing to talk to me or let me help with her homework (she's one of the ones i usually do help, and an especially sweet girl- but wait- we're not supposed to have favorites!). so, i'll show up on thursday, barring another provision.
positive note: in addition to the cancellation messages there was another message from Shedd Aquarium wanting to schedule an interview. I had previously heard from a woman on Sunday and have been playing phone tag sunday p.m. and yesterday and this morning. the message today was from another woman, so maybe the first one was out of the office or something. When I discovered i no longer had unemployment coming, i started applying to part time jobs as well as full time. The Shedd job is listed as a seasonal part time. seasonal usually means through the end of the summer. it's for Program Interpretation, so it'd be like what i used to do at the Science Center of Iowa and as a Docent at the zoo. i have no idea what kind of hours i could get, or how much it would pay. i'm not counting on too much in either category, but again, i'm not going to create any expectations. not when the God of the Universe is involved.
i also got a call from a woman at church about a position where she works- a front desk/data base maintainer/manuscript screener etc. position at a Christian magazine company. not a huge one- i've never even heard of it. but one of the editors is a Mennonite guy, so it can't be too bad. hee hee. the company guy asked her to please forward anyone's info to him. but this position would not start right away, so i'd still need some temp stuff.
So, it's a bit of an about-face, but not hopeless. and somehow i'm more hopeful after almost getting something than i was before. maybe God really was just reassuring me that He's on the job, and gently asking "where is your faith, oh person rocked by the stormy sea?"
oh, and speaking of faith and God's plan for me- here's the Chicago TEaching Fellows update for today: i was NOT accepted into the program. sorry. i think the people around me are more distraught by this than i am. yes, i suppose it is a disappointment of sorts, but in the weeks since the interview my mindset has changed, mostly as a result of praying for God to change it.
See, one of the units in the Bible study i'm doing talked about George Mueller. Great man of God in England a century or two ago. and it talked about the way George discerned the will of God. it had the process written out as George described it, and step one of six was
i seek at the beginning to get my heart into such a state that it has no will of its own in regard to given matter. Nine-tenths of the trouble with people generally is just here. Nine-tenths of the difficulties are overcome when our hearts are ready to do the knowledge of what His will is.
so after the interview i realized how much i really was thinking "i have to get into this program, i just HAVE to, this is what God has planned- this is it!" instead of "i have done all that i can do to meet the earthly requirements needed for God to use this program as a path for my life, and now i will continue to seek God's direction in every other area of employment as well". but in the last two weeks especially, i'd been able to say- you know God, whatever You want me to do- this at least is a clear-cut way for me to know. i'm fine with whatever happens. i'll trust that You have a plan either way.
and so my anxiety this past four days of not knowing was just because of that- not knowing. i knew i'd be ok with any result, because i was able to trust that the result was in God's will, even if i couldn't see why.
sure, it would have been nice to say that i was one of 150 out of 2,000 that got chosen. but that's my ego. i will find another way to teach. and this whole process reminded me that i AM a capable teacher- i got an interview, something only about 30% of the applicants got, and i passed a test i've been DREADING, and i passed it with flying colors. i now have confidence in my ability to pass other tests if needed (different state, etc.). and i was reminded that i have been blessed with above average life sciences intelligence. the process re-awoke the passion to teach and to reach "at risk" kids in general; that passion had been smothered almost entirely by the circumstances of the 18 months prior to my starting the Chicago Teaching Fellows process back in November.
so, although it may have seemed like the perfect next chapter in my life, I will not be teaching this fall with the Fellows program. they sent me a link to other alternative programs and i will of course pursue that info; at a glance, nothing there would be for this fall either, but i'll look more tomorrow.
speaking of tomorrow, now that i'm not working, i'll have plenty of time to get the last pieces of furniture out of my bedroom in anticipation of getting new carpet installed. but oh- i never did blog about THAT whole fiasco, did i? i'll have to take a few pics and tell the story- but that will definately be for next time!
love you all!
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