Okay, I know that the big news right now is the "swine flu" but I think that another tragedy might be getting lost in the glare of the piggy sickness. I am talking about the very real and odorific Fish Flu.
No, there is not a shred of scientific data to back this up, no 24/7 media coverage, no CDC and WHO verification- just the irrefutable evidence of my aromatic sensors. For close to a week now, becoming emergent in the dead, dark hours of the early early morning, and strengthening into the mid-morning, the olfactory evidence permeates the Lima air; how can we go on ignoring this? The level of the disgusting odor can only be attributed to widespread fishy death and decay- yes, I believe we are facing a massive crisis, the beginning stages of Fish Flu! Why is no one helping the little guys?
Ok, so seriously, all kidding aside, the last week every morning it has smelled like the ocean. Now, every once in a while, we here in Monterrico are treated to the pleasant scent of the Pacific, some five miles away. It is a truly nice, oceany scent, causing one to want to immediately stop all activities and proceed post haste to the coast.
But not this week. No, this week it smells like the ocean downcurrent of a sewage or chemical plant- an ocean so fetid that all marine life is bobbing along on the surface, floating in bloated testimony to the inevitable end of all mortal creatures. This week it is the scent of ocean beaches full of washed up half-decayed fish flesh that infiltrates our homes and schools, causing us to wince in the still hours of our night's sleep and sending us burrowing under our covers to use our sheets as makeshift gas masks.
No one seems to know the source of this mysterious pungency; so I am left to conclude the obvious: it must be a terrible new illness, killing massive amounts of fish, which the government and worldwide health agencies are engaging in equally massive conspiracies in order to cover up. The world is already on the edge of panic due to the little piggy sickness: a Fish Flu crisis would send it over the edge into full-blown hysteria.
And if you believe that, I've got some very fertile, green, Eden-like property down here in Lima that I'm selling at a bargain basement prices! (Folks, Lima is a desert, getting less than an inch of rain every year.)
Nevertheless, the aromatic facts of this account are true. It smells kinda like a dogfood factory. I used to live near one, so I know this to be true. And it doesn't smell nice.
Well, it's been fun! Tune in next time for another installment of the Mad Musings of MLE.
