Friday, February 9

Anxiety Attacks!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so i'm starting to feel this queasiness in my gut whenever i think about my interview on Saturday (please reference earlier blogs and www.chicagoteachingfellows.org for further information). It starts at 9:00 a.m. and will last about 4 hours. I will do a 5-minute sample lesson of my own creation, a round-table discussion, a writing sample, and a personal interview. specific things that i'm worried about are my 5-minute lesson, the round-table discussion, the writing sample, and the individual interview.

just kidding.

i am worried that i'll flub the sample lesson, or that mine will suck compared to the 10-12 other interviewee's lessons, or that i won't finish in five minutes. i'm not worried about the discussion or writing sample too much.

what worries me the most is the personal interview. they will review our resume info, work history and accomplishments, and transcripts. i'm worried that my transcript is flimsy (i really didn't take as much biology and other science as i should have- i only had enough for a BA in biology and not a BS) and my GPA is on the low end of their requirement (at least a 3.0 required, i had a 3.1) and i have a pattern of withdrawls. Now, most all of that is because i spent most of my college years clinically depressed. and completely unmotivated toward the goal of my major that i felt trapped in (biology pre-med and then med school).

and my work history doesn't show the best consistency either- ironically, because i want to teach. i was 2 years at a admin job and left to teach at an alternative school. after one year, our budget was cut and since i was low man on the totem pole, i was cut, too. so God led me to Madison Center, where i learned just how much i AM capable of doing and even was awarded the Employee of the Year honor (1100 employees, not bad...). but after two years, i left that job to move to chicago, because i wanted to be a teacher, and opportunity for going back to school (or getting into a program like this one i'm interviewing for) is much greater. but then i get a job in chicago- again as an admin- and work there for only 18 months. and now i've been unemployed since August. yeah, i'm a great candidate.

thing is, this is what i want. i want to teach. and i want to teach in public schools with kids that most people don't care about.

so, i'm praying a lot. that God will be present with me on Saturday, especially during the interview, and allow the interviewer to see what it is i am capable of being as a result of the stuggles i've had in the past, rather than seeing me as a product of bad decisions and not being committed. sigh. yeah, i know- satan is the father of lies, and the father of fear.

so please pray for the Spirit to protect my spirit and me to be calm and to do my best on Saturday. Thanks.

1 comment:

  1. Praying that you feel confident! God LED you to Chicago and he CREATED you with a desire to teach.

    Think about the things you learned as an admin--dealing with difficult people, staying organized... Being an admin is NOT an easy job. Stay positive about all God has taught you in the jobs he has given.

    You are an amazing, intelligent, godly woman with a desire to love the "unlovable". You can make science interesting...I've watched you apply it to your writing in creative ways that made me laugh and learn.

    Dear Lord, please help MLE feel your strength and confidence. Quicken her spirit with the knowledge she has and the thoughtful, witty responses that help her standout as the right candidate for this program. We know you have made her a teacher...and you can do that through many means. Please help her walk away from this interview knowing she did her best and whatever happens that she WILL teach because that is what you've confirmed in her heart.

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