Chicago Teaching Fellows Program update

well, i applied on monday december 11 (the deadline day). Late last night my email had an interview invitation from the program! this is good- at least i looked good enough on paper for them to want to see me in person. i was very excited to see the invite; i had pretty much been working to convince myself that i wouldn't  get an interview just so that i wouldn't be disappointed...

so, thanks for your prayers, and please continue to do so. i signed up for an interview event on Saturday Febraury 10. it starts at 9:00 a.m. and lasts 5-6 hours. includes sample teaching lesson, round-table discussion, writing sample, and individual interview. (trying hard not to get too apprehensive; i know that i have the ability to handle myself phenomenally in situations like that- if i just saty cool and keep praying.)

merry christmas!

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com

i am a teacher

i just don't have teacher certification in the eyes of the public schools... but God made me a teacher, and that's what i thrive on. so, today- just a little bit ago- i clicked "Submit" on an online application for the Chicago Teaching Fellowes program, saying a prayer as i did so. (Please see http://www.chicagoteachingfellows.org/ for more info.)

 

this program is extremely competitive, and although i know that i am a good teacher, i don't feel as though i have the best work history to get me through as a "successful professional". But i know that God wants me to teach somewhere, and this is a great program and exactly what i moved to chicago to try to do. I know that even getting an interview invitation will be completely God, and i am praying daily to trust and be peaceful about knowing that if this is where God wants to work through me, then He'll get me in the door.

 

this past week has been active for cindy and i in terms of "what to do with our lives". in addition to my attending the info meeting for CTF and deciding to apply, we met with the director of the chicago Mennonite Voluntary Service unit to discuss the opportunity to serve with here in the city. For Cindy especially i think this would be a tremendously positive experience. we are talking about doing it together, or cindy has said she thinks she'd do it on her own, should i end up being accepted as a teacher for the Fellowes program. either way, we are excited, and also a little apprehensive about waiting to see how God will work everything out.

 

we are also starting a small group study of the book and workbook called "Experiencing God" by Blackaby. This "coincidental" starting of the study at the same time we are searching for what God's will is in the next several years has been a great blessing for me.

 

God is good. we continue to search for gainful employment for Cindy, as her day care position had to be down-sized, much to the dismay of all involved! I am still searching for something that would allow me to teach anything to anyone, and have applied for many jobs without hearing anything back. this has been frustrating for both of us (never hearing back) but if we do end up doing VS or i do the teaching, our needs for jobs would change to needing just 6 months or so, and so the jobs that would be acceptable would change as well. maybe we haven't gotten anything because God is planning something different for us and therefore we've been applying at the "wrong" places? i dunno. but if i had gotten a job at any of the museums i'd applied at, and then had to quit after 6-8 months, that wouldn't have best served me or the museum, ya know? reevaluating the long-term plans and living arrangement, a part-time job or two until VS or teachign starts would more than suffice.

 

in either case, as i search for my next employment, i am blessed to be receiving unemployment benefits (from separation at last job) and we are so far managing to live on that and on cindy's part-time day care. (cindy is not eligible for unemployment.)

 

please keep us in your prayers, and i will keep praying for all of you, my friends and family!

---

Access over 1 million songs - Yahoo! Music Unlimited.

the news of my demise...

i'm not dead yet!
in fact:
i feel better!
so much better, that:
i think i'll go for a walk!

ever feel like the cart is pulling up alongside, just waiting to take you out with the rest of the dead? luckily, i haven't got anyone in my life to thwack me over the head and make me eligible for the cart prematurely. this is lucky, you see, because i've been right at that "thrown over someone's shoulder to be carried out to the death cart" place for the last little while- and (as you can see in the still shot from the movie) it's a precarious position. but, i truly have been feeling better the last week or so, and think that my outlook just may be more fortunate than the outcome for the poor old man in the movie.

i am hopeful, at least. and hope is half the battle. maybe more than half.

(if you are clueless regarding the movie the still shot is taken from, then i will refer you to a transcript of this scene from this great and esteemed miracle of 20th century cinema: http://www.mwscomp.com/movies/grail/grail-02.htm and encourage you to experience the movie in it's full glory- i've got it on dvd should you need it. hee hee.)

I have lately finished reading for the second time that volume of literature titled Jane Eyre; a novel of not only engaging characters and intrigue of plot, but one which also reminds the reader of the rather startling- indeed, frightening- decline in quality of the average person's usage of basic language in communication: namely, the near extinction of the art of writing and reading volumes containing more than the vocabulary of a small child and which are constructed of sentences and descriptive passages more complex than those employed by Dr. Seuss. Let me not convey that I disparage the talent or the place in our culture for Dr. Seuss as a literary figure; I have enjoyed the eccentric rhymes and jovial illustrations of that author as like as any other. I am merely struck by the extreme abandonment of the current so-called modern culture of the study and practice of language in it's more complex and effective forms. I think it is not mere coincidence that, as the true ability to author and orate in fine form has declined, so have the abilities of the common masses to construct thoughts and follow thoughts that are longer than 10 words and need more than 10 seconds to express. This lethargy of the mind, this loss of keen conversation and sharp observation conveyed within finely crafted sentences, appears to me as grave a deficiency of society as any other put forward by the statesmen, clerical leaders, and social commentators of our day.

And if you followed that, then i entreat you to go immediately to the library and procure for yourself a copy of Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre forthwith.

still alive

i could really use some prayer right now for peace of mind and mental health. cindy and i are BOTH suddenly looking for jobs. i'm getting unemployment, but she is not eligible. her loss of job was sudden and unexpected, and reluctantly done.

car insurance is due nov. 20 and my eyeglasses broke last week. (the day before cindy found out about her job.) with the holiday season coming up, loss of income is even more keenly felt.

i'm confused and frustrated, and starting to feel angry at God, at myself, at my sister, at anyone who has more money than i do and wastes it frivolously... did i mention God? so, prayer would be very helpful. thanks.

on a positive note: Barbaro's cast was removed today! this is the cast on the leg that was actually injured in the Preakness; it has been replaced with plastic and fabric split/support wrap. his lower left foot is still bandaged and being treated for laminitis in the left rear hoof. that will need another six months to "fully" recover. i'm so thrilled. www.timwoolleyracing.com

quality literature

Jane Eyre.

'nuf said.
*sigh*

i tried blogging on friday....

but after 45 minutes of writing and getting to number 13 on a list of "random thoughts" my computer froze (or the blogger website froze) and i had to physically shut down my computer (control+alt+delete didn't work at all) and i lost everything! this really made me mad. i am not good at "recreating" my blogs. they are, by definition, random. spur of the moment. and this past friday's blog was a real-time commentary on what i was experiencing while perusing the 5 broadcast telelvision channels we get.
now, that doesn't sound very exciting, i know. but it included several number's-worth (on that list) talking about how angry i get at seeing God's creatures (humans) abusing other of God's creatures (humans and exotic animals). i was watching 20/20 and they had two stories- one on a wife-beater, and one on the increasingly dangerous tendency for exotic animals "sanctuaries" to be money-making up-close-and-personal encounters resulting in unsafe situations and death.
it also included a running commentary on the World Series game underway that evening. it turned out to be the last World Series game, as St Louis surprised just about everyone by winning the title in 5 games. my little comments about the state of the game were witty and amusing. you'll have to take my word on it.
those comments alos included the statement: "i would like to take this opportunity to declare one last time to the entire world that i live in the home of the Major League Baseball World Champions- the Chicago White Sox! Because, in about five minutes, barring a miracle for Detroit, i won't be able to say that any more..."
so tonight i am blogging just to say that i tried to blog on friday and was thwarted. but, i am still alive, and i am doing pretty well, all things considered.
in fact, today i was treated to an especially nice and wonderful occurance that lifted my spirits immensely all day long: i got a card from my friend melissa. and, not only was the card a welcomed encouragement, but this card also contained something more precious than gold: pictures of her gorgeous and adorable children!!!
i needed uplifting today, because this evening my eyeglasses broke. so tomorrow morning i will go out in search of dirt-cheap glasses. i have contacts that i can wear but only for short periods of time. so tonight i've been wearing my sunglasses (prescription, yes) and feeling rather silly. (yes, everyone, go ahead and start singing, my sister has been all evening: "i wear my sunglasses at night...")
okay, well, i'm going to go for this evening. don't want to risk another meltdown and loss of blog content. i'll try to write more regularly. sorry.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Is this cheating?

If i put the date i actually wrote this, it would be September 5. But if i put the date as September 5 when i'm really putting it into the computer on October 2, then that seems like it's cheating. but it also breaks up the items i'm blogging- so that instead of one huge big blog with today's date, i'd have several shorter blogs with the dates that i wrote stuff, just didn't get it entered.

So, is that cheating? i don't think so. maybe i'll make little notes at the bottom: written 9/5 entered 10/2? dunno. but here's what i wrote on monday, september 5.

um- okay. i can't seem to find what i wrote. this stinks. i guess the whole question of cheating is now moot.

well, now i don't know what to write. i'm still unemployed. of course, i can't really remember if i've written stuff about being unemployed or not. just today i was stuck again by how much i don't miss my job AT ALL. i was thinking about how much less stress is in my life. about how i don't wake up dreading getting out of bed, how i don't go to sleep dreading having to get up and go to work. about how much i didn't truly realize how stressed and full of dread my life had become. even without a job, i feel so weightless. it helps that cindy is working much more now, and that the umemployment officer saw things my way and i'm getting unemployment benefits. so i can breathe a bit while taking more time to try and find a job i'll actually enjoy. so far, haven't yet gotten any calls back from any of the jobs for which i've applied. this is discouraging. especially since one of them is at the Museum of Science and Industry in the Education department working with demonstrations to the public. *sigh* i could do that. i would enjoy that. but there are most probably a ton of people out there with a ton more qualifications. and that is what's frustrating. oh well.

gonna go now. really bummed i couldn't find the stuff i wanted to enter.

Just another Flushing Meadows Sunday...

Through the grainy broadcast signal of Channel 2 the tennis ball was at times indistinguishable from the fuzzy interference, but that wasn't going to stop me from watching the end of an incredible career. It was a battle that sounded familiar- Agassi vs. Becker- but was only an ironic allusion to matches of the past. This Becker wasn't Boris. This Agassi was playing his final professional tennis match with grace and gratitude.

Viewers were told that Agassi received multiple cortizone and pain shots in order to walk out of the tunnel and onto the court at the Arthur Ashe Stadium for his Round 3 match today. Nobody watching had to be told why Agassi chose the US Open for his final Tournament appearance: the crowd of nearly 25,000 in Flushing Meadows, NY gave Agassi the shots of adrenaline and frenetic encouragement that seem unique to the Agassi/US Open Fans long-term relationship. I've watched other players get support at the Open, especially in the center court of the courts, Arthur Ashe Stadium. But that support never appears so intense, so compelling, so emotionally involving as when it is being produced for Agassi.

.

So this year, as Agassi made it clear that retirement was the immediate future, the electric charges surrounding his US Open matches were elevated to higher levels as everything he did might be the last time he did that. And today, I was tuned in to see if Andre could stave off "the last time" one time more. No one had any illusions about Andre getting past Round 4, even if he did get through this Round 3 game; Round 4 will most likely be Andy Roddick, a man who gave Agassi trouble when Andre was in much better physical condition. So Round 3 vs. Becker would probably be the last Agassi US Open win. After a phenomenal 5-set win in Round 2, we were ready to cheer just one more brilliant Agassi victory.

.

Today, he almost pulled it out of nowhere- that "last Agassi US Open win". But somehow Becker pulled himself up out of a slow free fall in the fourth set, and for a few minutes, when it most counted, played as he had in the first set, when he was fresh instead of wearied and fighting his own cramping. Those few minutes were enough to fight off a 40-love break attempt by a weary Agassi and then to fire a couple of 120+mph aces to take the match in 4 sets. Just like that, in just a few moments- from another Agassi wear-the-opponent-down win prospect to watching the last ace whiz past- and we were watching the last time Agassi lost a US Open match.

.

The players came to the net, the last time Andre greeted his opponent at a US Open center court. The players shook the hand of the umpire, the last US Open hand shake. Andre sat down in his courtside chair, and covered his shaved head with a white towel- the last time. That towel stayed up over his head, hands massaging his face, his eyes through the cotton, for longer than usual. Every person present had been standing long before Andre even made it back to his chair, and they would continue standing in an ovation that lasted a good five minutes.

.

Once he pulled the towel away Andre walked to center court and gave his signature four-sided bow and kiss to the spectators. Tears were present on and off the court as everyone thought: the last bow. Not, so, though- some minutes later after still more ovation, after sitting and staring up around the stadium through teary and satisfied, incredulous eyes, he got back up and bowed again for the last time.

.

.

.

Then, like he'd suddenly decided "this is it and it's time to go now" he packed his rackets, hoisted his bag, and walked with purpose to the tunnel, waving but not really pausing, that special bittersweet smile looking up for the last time before looking down and ducking into the shadow of off-court.

.

.

Becker called him "my idol growing up".

.

Andre gave the classiest farewell speech i've ever heard.

.

The crowd at Arthur Ashe will remain standing, giving its ovation, for many years to come: every time one of the kids at Andre's Las Vegas charter school graduates the applause will spill forth; every time a kid walks into the Boys&Girls Club he funded voices will cheer; when people look at his life and learn from his progression from punk-a&& kid to class-act role model, the masses will jump to their feet.

.

Every time Andre chases his daughter, or tosses a ball to his son, the crowd will roar as Andre leaves the tennis court for the last time and pours his energy into all the first times still ahead.

.

Thanks Andre, for the journey.

I am Alive!

So, I have been absent. Blogging is sometimes hard for me to do, like writing in my journal. there are weeks and months in my journal with entries almost daily- and then- poof! i disappear for months. I think it's related to my depression- when i am in a "down" swing, i tend to dislike writing anything. journal, letters, email, blogs. years ago i wrote a poem- an oral poem only, that i memorized and the punch line was basically "but i can't write it down because then it would exist". for years before i was on meds for depression that was a main reason i wouldn't write- i just didn't want to have to face it later- or have it in writing as hard "proof" of my state of existance. i, like most people who suffer from depression of any sort, was very good at faking it, at covering up the absolute miserableness i really felt every minute of every day; to write something contrary to that was somehow hypocritical! what irony! since it was the fake, covering up me that was hypocritical.
Anyway- that's not usually why i don't write now. since i've been on meds, i don't usually feel like that- and when i do it's usually because i've messed up the meds. *grin* no, the reason i don't like to write when i'm in my funks now is just because it takes so- much- energy.
crazy? yeah. but when i'm in a down and out funk, the mental, emotional, and physical energy required to simply put my thoughts on paper or on screen is simply more than i feel capable of doing. and when my funk-filled mind considers the exertion it would take to do so, it frequently follows up with something to the effect of "you ain't got nothin' worth writin' anyway, so why bother?"
sometimes i don't blog because i haven't quite figured things out yet, the way i can do in a private hand-written journal. some things i can't figure out on screen. the neatly arranged rows of instantaneous typefont are fluid enough for the emotional intensity of my maelstorm mind. so i don't blog at all, because i don't want to blog about something inane and worthless, which i think is my only option to deep and profound.
so, i'm blogging now. still haven't truly figured everything out on paper. but i got a lot of it down, and figured, and mostly reconciled. and i'm starting to be able to see little happy things in my daily life. little things that were gone or i'd forgotten under the burden of stress i was carrying in the name of "making a living." and, although i am still rather terrified about how cindy and i are going to meet all of our financial needs with me unemployed and cindy working part time, i have come to the point that i can BREATHE again- truly breathe in deep refreshing calming droughts of Holy Spirit- and i can look back and recognize how unhealthy my job was for me. and for those around me. and i can breathe, look forward, and say without one trace of guilt or bitterness- in fact, i can take simple pure joy in saying it- "i never have to go back there again. those problems are no longer mine."
Praise Jesus.
tomorrow i start a one-week engagement as a temporary receptionist for a company whose normal lady is on vacation through next week. this is not through a temp agency, which means i actually get the real salary ($12/hr) and no taxes are withheld. since i won't be making enough from this job to have to file with the IRS, this is nice. and a nice little band-aid for my financial panic. it is also ideal in that other than answer the phones and check the fax machine, i have no duties. when i asked the receptionist what i should be doing in the other time, she pointed to the computer screen and said, "i shop online!" or read books, magazines, write, whatever. So, not only will i get to work in a very pleasant and friendly environment, with lots of natural light and foliage, i will be able to spend as much time on my job search as i would at home. maybe more, since i won't have the distraction of The Monkees at noon on MeTV. hee hee.
i am a little worried about getting there on-time after 10 days of not being able to go to sleep once i go to bed. started off little, but grew into a big deal- when you go to bed at 11 and lie there, desperately tired but unable to shut your mind down and fall asleep, until 2, 2:30, 3:00, 3:30... once even 4 o'clock... it makes it really really hard to keep yourself awake during the day (which you want to do, so that you might be tired enough to fall asleep that night), and it gets really really hard to keep up a good attitude. Sunday night was the worst. insomnia, mind won't shut up, an added fun facet of sinus pain and excrutiating headache, going back and forth from one end of bed to the other, sobbing in frustration, pain, deseration that please God i just want to go to sleep- then morphing into absolute anger and yelling at God (in my head of course, don't want to wake Cindy up) about how much this sucks, and how i'm not really sure he has any kind of plan in store for me at all, and that if He did, he sure sucked at guiding me down it, cuz i have tried and tired and tried to do what i think he wants and i've asked and asked for what he wants me to do to be clear, but it sure ain't worked so far, has it, God?!?!?!
Yes, emily wastn't so happy sunday night. i realized that it was the first time that i'd every really truly thought to myself "God doesn't have a thing in store for me. it's all a big joke."
that lasted about 20 minutes. *grin* but, the fact that it happened at all i think is significant. instead of just sugar-coating all my doubts in a layer of "but God has a plan for me" sticky sweetness, i was absolutely brutally honest with myself, and then with God, about how i was feeling in my soul. and after i got it all out, not only did i feel better physically from getting all that energy out, but God (of course) implemented the next little step of "guiding emily toward me and therefore healing" by prompting me to turn on my cd player (remote control) because maybe music will distract me mind long enough to fall asleep!!! (that's what i was thinking) and the Newsboys starts playing, track 1 "Devotion" and by the time i'm to track 7 (i call it "Lullaby") i'm ready to hit repeat and listen over and over to the refrain about God "building you a home, building you a home- selah"
mind you, my bed never did become comfortable that night, and after a half-dozen times of "Lullaby" the idea of going out to the couch actually sounded comfortable, and i did, and managed to sleep in fits and starts, waking up 4 times that i can remember to radically change position again. not really restful at all, but in some way, still nourishing. monday was great, with me getting two tailored resumes out, one of them being the one for this temp job i do tomorrow. monday night i slept better, if still not "well", and tuesday was a very good day which i will relate at another time. because it's midnight. and my alarm is going off at 5:30. and i'm hoping i can actually fall asleep in the next hour. if i do, it will be the earliest in more than a week!
for those of you out there praying for me after getting the brief message that i'd left my job, I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. i love you all. i hope you've enjoyed reading this proof that i still exist, and am even enjoying some of my life.

The state of affairs in Chicago on Monday, July 18, 2006

Joe Cocker spent time in the Chicago Loop?

“Hot town summer in the city
Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty
Been down, isn't it a pity
Doesn't seem to be a shadow in the city
All around people looking half dead
Walking on the sidewalk hotter than a match head “

 

High of 96 degrees, heat index of 105, 83% humidity.

 

And that’s all I have to say about that.

The Battle Within

So, i've just had one of the more amusing telephone conversations to date with my father; a conversation that personifies the classic image of the angel on one shoulder warring with the demon on the other shoulder...

Mom and Dad are coming up tomorrow to visit us here in Chicago. I thought they were staying until Sunday, like at noon. they usually leave early enough on Sunday to be back in the Eastern Time Zone by 4:00 for their church service. But, i didn't know for sure if they were involved in anything that they HAD to be there or not.

So, i get an email from one of the guys in my office a bit ago- a forward from his wife at another company- a guy there has up to 6 tickets he's wanting to sell for $28 (dirt cheap) to the Sunday afternoon White Sox vs. Red Sox game. upper deck, behind home plate.

i immediately pick up the phone to call my mom (who is off all this week) and ask when they are planning on leaving chicago. instead, my dad answers. he says they're planning on leaving Saturday early evening. oh, well then nevermind, i say. Why? he asks. so i tell him.

the battle of wills has begun. he had been thinking of trying to get tickets even the night or afternoon of the first two Sox/Sox games on Friday and Saturday... he knows $28 is dirt cheap for this game, this year... he knows the game starts at 1:05, which is 2:05 Eastern. He knows there is no way he'd make it for church... he starts thinking out loud that maybe Evan could do the sound this Sunday... but crud, he relaly has to be there for Sunday School and he really can't not be there, and oh, man!

God- or the White Sox? *grin*

If only the tickets were for Saturday. God won.

just barely...

So, this is a fairly accurate representation of how i've been feeling of late... part of the reason that my blogging frequency has severely decreased.

for that, i apologize. i shall try harder to make myself write more. even if i don't "feel like it".

:)

I'm so excited!

I'm so excited because our cousins and their two girls are coming up this weekend, and we get the girls (ages 2 and 4) overnight Friday and all day Saturday and maybe even Saturday night (assuming the girls aren't sick of us or homesick for momma and poppa...)

 I'm so excited about this, that I'm even excited about CLEANING because I'm cleaning so that they can come!!! (they should come more often!) we're going to set up cindy's little pup tent in the family room and "camp" Friday nite, then hang with the girls at various parks/water features/the lake Saturday morning and early afternoon (or do indoor stuff if too hot), TAKE NAPS Saturday afternoon, then meet their parents downtown for dinner and the Hancock center and Millennium Park/Grant Park Music Festival concert. (Rod and Michelle will be spending an adult day at the Museum of Science and Industry without the girls. Rod's never been.)

 Cue music***I'm so excited- and I just can't hide it--- (do do, do do, doooo) I'm about to lose control, and I think I want to- I want to****

 Oh- AND I just found out that our office has decided on their summer outing: a yacht dinner cruise on the evening of August 3, which just happens to be my birthday!!! We get to invite one guest, so me and my sista' gonna' have something fun to do on my birthday!

 

Today's funny little blurb...

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

 

-compliments of the Metzlerton Bulletin Board thingy that I still haven't quite figured out...

My Mother's Day

So, a while ago i posted "oh dear what a long time" in the form of random comments in list form. I got one comment (yes, i know i'm really writing this just for you, Lis!) and it was about the comment i made regarding my mother.
the comment was: "my mom is a pretty incredible woman. (i'm not really bummed about that.) too bad i took so long to really figure that out. (i am bummed about that.)"
Mellifluous wanted to know what prompted me to write that. At the time, i think it was just the whole recent event of my mom's mom dying, her funeral, and observing Mom interacting with her siblings and friends and family. But if i'm thinking about it now, then i would write as follows...
My Mom
I first got an inkling of what kind of woman my mother was when i went to college. isn't that the way it always seems to work?
i left home and went to des moines and met many wonderful young men and women who became great and lasting friends. Most of these closest friends were also Jesus followers (aka Christian), but many of the them were NOT from Christian homes. Many of them did not have both parents, either because of death or irreconcilable differences. Many of them had parents who were their inspiration only because they gave an example of what NOT to do...
And i realized that i had awesome parents. And that my parents/family were not the norm.
That was my first wake up call. My second wake up call came when i had moved back home after college. (isn't that the way it always seems to work?)
i did actually live with my parents for about 2 yrs after college, and then moved out into my own place. Somewhere along that time, i became a charter member of a small group Bible study composed of people that went to my family's church. i ended up being part of that group for 5 years. i was one of the youngest in the group. the "oldest" was a couple that was my parents' age and was in my parents' Sunday School class. They were people whose integrity and intelligence i respected greatly. He was teaching their Sunday School class at the time, and it was common knowledge that he was a good teacher. She was an open and honest and inspired "wounded healer" whose compassion was tangible. i'd heard my mom refer to both of them with admiration for their faith, their insight, their ability to connect with and come alongside people and minister. And just be good friends. good people. my mom would definately say "they're good people."
So, one time at small group, several years into it, the discussion somehow produced the second wake up call about my mom as a human being and not just "my mom". i wish that i could better recall the circumstances, but i can't. i think that our conversation involved the way parents influence us even as adults? i dunno. but i said something to the effect of "i realized after going to college what a great blessing God gave me in the form of my parents".
Now, please note that my dad moved us from colorado to indiana so he could go to seminary and become a minister. he has shelves and shelves full of "Bible books". he has given sermons. he was an elder at our church when i was a little girl. he's been involved in more ways than i can remember in church leadership. he was this guy that people respected and said good things about as far as church/faith/religious stuff. i'm used to hearing from people what a Godly man my father is. (And i mostly agree with everything i hear! *grin*)
So when i mention in small group what a blessing my parents have been in my life, i must confess that i am taken by surprise when the compassionate wounded healer immediately affirms my comment and begins extolling the incredible spriitual depth and level of faith she so admires in my mother. Up to that point, i'd known my mom was cool, was Godly, and was a good friend. i was beginning to experience those aspects of her in my life as an adult. But in one statement, this woman literally peeled the scales off my eyes and revealed my mother as a woman that was admired and respected and valued by other woman of God who were cool and good friends. women who i admired. who i thought had it all together. here was this woman saying how she is constantly amazed by my mom and what an incredible person she is and how glad she is to know her.
i think i actually verbalized to my small group my surprise, and sudden awareness of how little i know about my mother's interactions with others. and the heads started nodding around the circle agreeing with how much they all felt the same way about my mom as this couple.
I started paying more attention after that. and as time passes, my sister and i keep adding things to the "wow- Mom was really ahead of her time/is really used by God" realizations.
granted, there are still times when my mother is "just" my mother- my frustrating, slightly annoying, sometimes forgetful mom. i know there are still times that i am "just" her frustrating, very stubborn, bossy little girl. but on the whole, i think that Mom and i have a healthy friendship with a rock-solid foundation, and that the friendship, the Rock foundation, and the person she is proud to see me becoming are all greatly due to her success as a human being- following Jesus, praising God, and acting in the Spirit.

Today is a dragging kind of day...

It's only 9:30 and already I feel like I've been at work for 5 hours... I have so much tedious stuff to do, and all of it needed to get done weeks ago but I never have time to do this stuff because there is always "this has to be done right now" stuff and so things like filing, and creating folders for new files, and organizing the employee files, and updating the QA/QC manual (and I could go on and on) just gets pushed back again and again and again until I am buried under stacks- literal STACKS- of filing and piles of papers waiting for folders to be filed in... not to mention that I don't really have a filing system in which to file because we here at where I work can't seem to actually approve a final version of a revamped filing system... at least today it is SUNNY. Well, so far. J Please God, keep it sunny today, please?

Sorry I've been so lacking in posts... haven't felt inspired to do much of anything lately... except I have worked a lot at cleaning and organizing and actually unpacking and decorating my bedroom in the last week. That feels good to wake up to.

Only one more day until Friday!

 

two things i learned about quilt blocks

1) They are a lot of fun to plan, create, invent, work color schemes, etc.

2) They are a lot harder to actually sew than it would at first appear.

Our Quilting Day Blitz at my church was a spectacular success! Over 200 quilt blocks sewn in one day! It was fun helping kids (and adults, but I mostly stuck with kids) make something that looks really awesome at the end- something they didn't think they could do. It was also fun watching all the interactions between everyone there- my 82-yr-old Mennonite grandma who's made more quilts than you can shake a stick at who came up to help, my aunt JoAnn who made her own very first quilt block but was an expert sewing machine sewer resource and "mentor" for several kids, my mom who started helping a first-time adult quilt-block maker and ended up spending all day with that woman making one of the most intricate quilt blocks of the day (no, they didn't really know what they were getting into... well, my mom did kinda but couldn't abandon Judy once they'd begun- and it WAS awesome), all the kids interacting, the teenagers (including BOYS) making blocks for the youth pastor's ordination quilt, all the adults chatting, hanging, asking for and giving advice, encouragement and praise... it was so cool.

It was also incredibly exhausting. Wow. The hot tub at mom's hotel was certainly appreciated...

So, I did make one of my own. And I would very much like to continue to delve into the world of quilting. But here's something I learned about quilting as a process: it also is a lot harder than it would appear. Time intensive. The blocks are all done, but now people have to take all the blocks for each quilt, make sure they are all a uniform size, cut all the material that goes in between all the blocks, sew the material and blocks together, then actually quilt or knot the pieced quilt-block top to the one-piece backing, and then bind the whole thing.

I always knew that quilts were the products of a lot of time, energy, (and in my case with my grandma- LOVE) but this experience has started to show me exactly what all that time and energy and money really looks like.

I also thoroughly enjoyed the time spent laughing (a lot) with some of the wonderful women in my family. Mom, Grandma, Jo, Cindy and I laughed until we cried at points... we also enjoyed Thai, Mediterranean, and Cambodian food, Cambodian traditional dancing (at a Cambodian New Year celebration hosted by the Cambodian congregation of our church on Sunday), and playing games (with Dana too) and laughing some more. All in all, an excellent weekend!

 

excited about this weekend

So, I am excited about this weekend. My mom, other grandma, and aunt are coming up Saturday morning and we are going to go to my church building and spend a good chunk of the day making or helping other people make quilt blocks for FIVE quilts. 4 wedding quilts and an ordination. They are spending the night at a hotel with TWO pools AND a hot tub. Then, after church on Sunday, the Cambodian congregation of our church is hosting a Cambodian New Year's Celebration, with food, music, and dancing, and we are going to spend time there, too.

I am excited mostly that my family members are excited. I mean, it's not everyone that would spend money to come up and sew for total strangers and think that Cambodian New Year Celebrations were cool. Of course, I KNOW the real draw is that they get to come spend time with us, me and my wonderful sister.

We miss them, too.

 

My first-ever Guest Posting

Okay, so my sister read my blog, and actually emailed me a response, and said she'd greatly like me to post it if I approved. I have to say, she put into words better than I have. Makes me feel not quite so silly about the four little rocks sitting under my computer screen... each one chosen to go there because it was unique and amazing. Thanks, cindy.

~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~

 

The following entry is by Cindy....

 

Yes, she really, really, really likes rocks, all shapes sizes and colors...it doesn't matter...MLE likes rocks.  There is just something about what they symbolize I think that has her fascinated.  Rocks are little pieces of history, a tiny (or not so tiny) snap shot of the world as it was when the rock was formed. From weather patterns to pollen levels there is a massive amount of information contained in each and every rock.   When you hold a rock you are holding an incredible amount of information.   Information that may be hundreds or thousands of years old can be found in a rock of any shape, size or color.  A rock can travel over such an incredible area over its extremely long 'life' cycle.  You can hold in your hand a rock that may have been held by a settler heading west hundreds of years ago. The rock you hold may have been brought to a different continent by a young child using it as part of his game.  Each rock would have an amazing story to tell if only they could.  The pebble you kick off the sidewalk today may have been part of a mighty mountain in times past, you just never know.  Aside from the history of rocks there lies within rocks such beauty that one can never tire discovering the next one.  Just go to any lake, stream, or ocean and look at the rock along the water line.  The smooth well worn curves, the vibrant colors of some, the neutral simplicity of others, these are things that MLE notices and admires.  The shocking difference in appearance between the same rock when it is wet or it is dry. The wonder and power of God to have incorporated such awesome things as rocks into our everyday lives is something MLE is thankful for.  I get a little frustrated with the amount of rocks that Emmy wants to bring home with her every time she goes to the lake, or woods.  Sometimes I need to remind myself why she likes them, and that maybe I should join her more often in looking at the wonder of creation that lies all around us....even in a city like Chicago.

 

 

 

oh dear, what a long time...

too long, i know. i've missed so much.
right now, i'm at work, and my head hurts. and since i've missed so much, i'm not really going to try to write anything out. i'm going to take the "bare bones" approach, and simply write some one-liners that may tell a little bit about what's been going on in my life. i'll even put in some pics. the pics may not actually match what i'm writing, but they'll be nice pics.
If you read something you'd like some more detail on, please feel free to comment, or to call me and i'll tell you anything you'd like to know. or call me and i'll call you back using the minutes i never use up every month on my cell phone plan. :) seriously. okay, here we go:

1. i'd forgotten until yesterday how very humid the midwest is during the summer. it wasn't even humid yesterday, it just was that you could feel the tiniest bit of humidity when you walked out the door into the balm spring morning air- and i remembered in that instant what it is going to be like for months on end in the not-too-distant future.
2. yesterday i checked craig's list every hour on the hour for free or unbelievably cheap air conditioners, and no longer felt slightly silly for the two already in the trunk of our car (we may not be able to use the one, but it was free).
3. this is the time of year when the weather can't decided anything other than that it's not going to decided. therefore, it's a crap shoot as to whether the particular building you walk into will be imitating a sauna or an igloo, depending on which decision the buildng engineer has made.
4. i dress in layers, and brought my heater/fan in to work to try to counteract whichever choice the weather and our building have seen fit%2

Hallelujah!

I direct the reader again to the Christian Peacemaker website (www.cpt.org) and i give a huge shout of praise to God for the remarkable recovery yesterday of the remaining 3 CPT members who had been kidnapped with Tom Fox. Yesterday when i heard the little blurb on the 4:00 WFMT news break, i just about actually shouted right here at my desk. I wanted to get up and, as my sister would say, do a "happy dance". i was even more gratified to hear that they had been recovered by military forces without a violent confrontation with the kidnappers. they are healthy and will be reunited with family and friends.
Thank you Jesus.

btw- for those of you wondering, i did just today post the previous entry that is dated March 13. When i logged on today to "update" i realized that i had NOT published that post- i intended to, and was under the impression that i had, so i'm not sure why i didn't. i decided to leave it with the original date since it was actually time-sensitive in its content.

What would Jesus Do?

Yes, that phrase is incredibly overused, and as a result, conveys little impact.

Yet that is the phrase that comes to mind when I think of the Christian Peacekeeping Teams.

Growing up Mennonite, the word "peace" is one that I heard extensively. It was only after going to college that I began to get even an inkling of how my understanding of this word was unique. Like sandpaper rubbing on exposed skin, my deeply held concept of "peace" continues to be abraded by the ideas of the world in which I live. This is a topic that divides with less-than-peaceful results, and this division is especially evident within the Christian community. I have even, at times, avoided discussing the topic of peace, and therefore war, with my Christian friends.

But this weekend, the secular news included information on the death of Tom Fox, one of the 4 Christian Peacekeeping Team members that have been held hostage in Iraq. And because of the discovery of his tortured corpse, the philosophy behind CPT is getting just a sliver of media coverage. Tom's deeply-rooted beliefs are coming to light, and people are being presented with an alternative to jihad.

I would like to write further on this subject, but do not have time right now. Perhaps I shall work on something for future posting. I would however, like to point the reader to http://www.cpt.org/ for information (including Tom's own writing) about this remarkable organization. Notice the question posed in the website's banner.

The phrase whispers through my thoughts in quiet remonstrance: what would Jesus do, emily? and what are you doing?

Am I just believing my faith, or am I actually living it?

Look, mom, it followed me home!

Have you ever spent long moments along the banks of a river or stream lined with big old trees?
There is something strangely hypnotic and calming about the way the water swirls around, over, through the exposed roots. Especially the roots of deciduous trees: convoluted tangles snaking over and around each other.
Or, ever had the opportunity to feel the trunk of a long-dead tree for years exposed to the abrasive, smoothing effects of wind-whipped sand and rushing water? All silvery, soft almost like a fabric, but still hard, solid, wood- a happy recliner for a young girl looking for a place to read a book on the shores of Chatfield Resevoir. When we moved from Colorado to Indiana, some of my favorite trees were low, horizontal trunks that offered free bench seating over the river for dangling my feet in the water on hot sticky days.
Then there's the tree in Oxbow Park that i call "Le Roi Argent", The Silver King. A massive, towering sycamore tree, easily the biggest in the park, with bark peeling to reveal silvery white arms reaching into the blue skies. The King has a trunk with girth so great, even 2 adults cannot reach all the way around to touch each other's hands... Rare was the time when i would visit Oxbow without making the walk to pay homage to Le Roi du Foret. (yes, i know my French isn't very good anymore...)
So, yes, to this day i talk to trees. they make great conversation companions, and are really very helpful when one is facing a decision, or is upset, or muddling something out. i can't begin to count the number of times i have stopped and asked one of those stolid sentinels, "what stories could you tell?" My mind has wandered through history imagining the varied lives the great, old m/patriachs have lived- with their feet anchoring them in the soil and their branches reaching up toward the face of God.
Oh, for even one of them to have given a reply to my question. Roots and branches and leaves infused with the power of animation, thought, and speech.
My mom read Chronicles of Narnia and The Hobbit to me and my sister when we were quite young. i don't really remember not knowing the stories. Both of those authors really convey a sense of the entire world around you being alive and vibrant- a gift to our senses. And both were just a bit fanciful, in a fantasy way. And Tolkien must have appreciated trees as much as i, for he created trees that do exactly as i long for them to do.
"Look mom! The Ent followed me home! Can i keep it? "

T minus 2.5 hours...

Until my flight leaves for Denver...

I am so stinkin' excited I could pee!!! (speaking of which, before I get on the train to go to the airport, I should do just that!)

(aren'cha glad you know me?)

 

T minus 9 hours...

Until my flight is supposed to take off from Midway to Denver International Airport...

I am so very pumped today. Going to see my bestest friend and her family. Including a son I haven't met yet, and a daughter I've only met once before.

There are mountains in Colorado. Chicago does have an impressive skyline, I'll admit; but I miss the Colorado skyline God created.

 

Tree Hugger

That is me.
I am a tree-hugger. Not in the way the media uses the phrase, but in the purest sense:
I. Love. Trees. Any kind of tree, anywhere. Alive, dead, rotting, cut up into camp fire stump stools, crafted into multi-thousand-dollar furniture.
I ask you: What's not to love? They are vital to the biosphere, to life on the planet, to life in the air, on the ground, and underground. They are vital to human existance from antiquity: where would the human race be without trees? Fire, shelter, tools, transportation on ground and on water, communication- tribal drums to wood cuts to the finest papers-, music, art, food, & modern materials from rubber to resins to extracts used in medication and research. Trees protect us, comfort us, sustain us, nourish us- in ways both physical and non-tangible.

Some of my greatest memories take place in trees.
The tree across the street from my bestest friend's house, in whose branches we spent hours upon hours playing. It's limbs formed our house, our spaceship, our boat, our fortress... It was a friend, one that i made sure to thank and say goodbye to when my friend's mother sold the house when i was an adult.
The trees in the mountains surrounding the camp my family went to for church retreats and family camps- towering pines, shimmering aspens. What smells, what sounds, what sights greeted my little kid senses as i explored the hillsides on nature hikes, in expeditions with my friends, or on solitary adventures in the quiet majesty of living things so old, so extensive, so solid, so real- yet so mysterious and secretive.
I remember the playground area at the camp, created out of lengths of pine branches with the bark still on them. One complete structure that included swings, ladder and "fort"- a walled, roofless deck of pine, up higher than the log to which the swings were attached, and accessible only by a vertical ladder of bark-covered horizontal pine branches. To my little stature, that fort was towering. We used to "battle" to see who commanded that fort. We'd pick off the bark to see the insect grooves underneath- and we carried red clay up to use as mortar between the vertical pine branches that formed the chest-high walls... it was replaced long ago by something more modern, more "safe" (more boring).
Then there were the huge old cottonwoods that lined the banks of the two ponds behind the apartments we lived in when i was in 3rd to 5th grade. Those trees each had special secrets, compartments, personalities... Giant old trees with thick, multiple trunks that formed platforms, nooks, alcoves, rooms: nest-like areas at ground level, or sometimes higher up, with the multiple trunks centered on one giant base trunk creating giant arboreal candelabras... Sometimes the thick trunk-sized branches stretched out almost horizontally over the pond's water, allowing young tree-friends to sit or lay under green canopies while gazing down at their reflections, the shimmering surface blending the boundaries between human, tree, leaves, and sky...
Of course, sometimes the best trees were commandeered by other denizens of the natural world- loud hissing and honking indicating to the child clamboring into the cottonwood room that it was now the property of nesting geese. Much to my consternation, they always seemed to appropriate the best trees... Stinky geese...
There was a tree we called the "Monkey Tree" at that same place, Not a cottonwood, and smaller, but with many more low branches radiating out from ground level, suitable to clamboring around in and swinging from, jumping up into and out of, a giant natural jungle gym. And no geese.
There were also apple trees in an old orchard, there at those apartments. i recall spending quality time climbing them as well, sometimes looking for ripe fruit to enjoy as an afternoon snack. Years later, one of my best college-era memories is of the day-trip I took with 2 friends to Madison County, Iowa (to see the "famed" covered bridges). Somewhere in Madison County, we found a park with apple trees. The lower branches were all picked clean, and the trees were small enough that climbing up higher wasn't an option. So i climbed up into the multi-trunk trunk, grabbed a couple of the larger branches, and shook as hard as i could. Kirsten and Cathy were left to scramble out of range of the sudden apple-sized hail. We found 3-4 that had dropped and also had no worm holes. That little apple was one of the most delicious things i have ever eaten. Ever.

I have gone on long enough about trees. I'm sure there will be more stories in the future. But considering that i've been working on this posting now since January 25, i'm going to just post the thing already!
What are your favorite tree stories?

all in a row...

There's something about neatly arranged office supplies that makes me insanely happy.

 

What, exactly, do you think that says about me?

 

A few more pics...

so, here is Mr. Kurt Browning doing one of the numbers he did last night at Stars on Ice. (btw, Kurt was the only reason i went... the other skaters were fantastic, and i'd forgotten how very different it is to see skating in person vs. on the tube, but Kurt was what made me buy a ticket last Tuesday night while sitting at work until 9:30 p.m. working on a tedious project due on Thursday...)

This number was "Mr. Bo Jangles," and once again, Kurt wowed me (and everyone else) with his ability to perform such amazingly intricate and difficult choreography with easy grace in order to bring another memorable character to life before my very eyes. Even the man sitting behind me- who was clearly there because it was a required family outing with his so-into-skating wife, daughter, and daughter's friend- even he, after Kurt finished and took a bow, said in an impressed voice: "wow- he was good. who was he?" During the grand finale, he asked his wife, "where's that really good guy- i don't see him out there." (Kurt was not a regular cast member this year, choosing instead to perform as a special guest in select cities. As such, he was not in any of the ensemble numbers. More's the pity.) Kurt's second act number was to The Door's PeaceFrog, which i'd never heard, but will be looking for a copy now. Again, Kurt was fantastic. he finished, and more than anything i wanted to yell out as he was skating off the ice "Play it again, Sam!" Now, if you are a Kurt fan, you will get a little chuckle out of that. Here's a picture of one of Kurt's last amateur competitive long programs, as Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca. Of course, as that was ten years ago, he had a little bit more hair than he does now. *smile*

best skater ever

is this man:
Kurt Browning.
Beyond belief- skates circles around just about everyone out there, and the man will be 40 in June!
Saw him tonight.
If there was a second show in town, i'd be buying another ticket...

i HATE the fat lady

The Steelers better win the Superbowl.
And that's all i have to say about that.

so it is half time

Steelers 24, Broncos 3.
Needless to say, this is not the optimal situation for my team.
However, my team IS the Broncos, and we NEVER say die. Not until that final second ticks off the board.
(it was easier to remain upbeat into even the 4th quarter back in the Elway days...)

Buckin' Broncos

FIRST:

WHOOOOOO-HOOOOOOO!!!!!

SECOND:

YEAH, BABY!!!!!

THIRD:

Broncos RULE and colts DROOL!!!!!

FOURTH:

(Aw, that's bad news, bears...)

FIFTH:

Welcome to Mile Hi, Metal-Men.

We're SO glad you're here... *evil laugh*

what's with the weather???

Snow flurries one day, rainy the next, sunny all day with high of upper 40's the next...

It's like God is going through a mid-life crisis! Except, of course, that since He's eternal, he will never reach a point that is the middle of His life. And even if He did, He's God, so he wouldn't go through a mid-life crisis- He knows everything, right? So there'd be no point to any mid-life crisis, since He knows how everything will work out just fine. And besides, usually mid-life crisis' have to do with wanting to reclaim youth, being anxious about getting older, etc. And since God is already older than anything else and at the same time in His youth since He has a never-ending existence still before Him, then He would never feel any of those mid-life feelings anyway.

Okay, crazy I know- but if you really stop to think about this line of thinking- well, it makes my brain hurt. How can someone who always has been, be old OR young? And at the same time, how can they NOT be either of those things? How can infinity exist, anyway??? Aaaaaahhhhh! Too much, too much... rocking back and forth now....

 

Basically, I'd just like a little consistency in the weather. That's all. Oh wait, I live in the Midwest. I am asking the impossible.

(except- nothing is impossible with God, because he is all-powerful... and if He's all-powerful that means there is no limit to what he is capable of. So if He's all-powerful and still making the Midwest the weather schizophrenic of America, then how can I argue? Except Lot argued. And God changed His mind. But did He really change His mind or since He already knows everything, did He already know that Lot was going to argue and so said what He said in order to make Lot argue? Maybe the point was that Lot needed to argue, not that God changed His mind... Aaaahhhh! My brain my brain!)

 

I'm glad God gave us brains that we don't understand (let alone use) but about 10% of, aren't you? Imagine if we had access to all of it, what a horrendous thing that would be- the questions coursing through my brain now are little, but if I could use ALL my brain, my ponderings would increase exponentially, and THEN what horrid pain I would bring upon myself as my brain overloaded and fried! I'd be stuck in a corner rocking back and forth forever... (forever? Didn't we just talk about that?.... really thought we'd just discussed that.)

 

I am a bad, bad blogger

But that is mostly because I want to be a better blogger. You see, I have logged onto my blog 3-4 times since my last post, but have spent the time trying to "figure out" things before actually posting. And then, I run out of time, and I never actually write anything.

 

I am mostly trying to "figure out" html stuff. I have never had the chance to learn ANYTHING about html, but I am intrigued by the possibilities that exist for someone who actually understands html. So, I have successfully figured out how to add links to other websites on my sidebar - see them? (now, I haven't yet worked out how to change the font, size, or color of the links list, but hey- baby steps!)

 

Recently, my "figuring out" efforts have involved trying to understand how to link my posts to another blog or comment... I'm close to that, I just have to add some text to the html template and start experimenting. But "figuring out" takes time, and a not-dead brain. Alas, right now in my life, those two requirements don't often happen concurrently. L

 

So, I will endeavor to try to write something as soon as I log in - BEFORE I start looking "behind the curtain". 

 

And, just so you all know, this is the second time I've written this post- the first time I actually logged on and when I tried posting it, nothing doing. Who knows why? But I lost the post. So now, I am using the "email a post to your blog" option, which gives me less control but at least seems to always work! I was tempted just to go on to something else (I hate trying to re-write things I've written), but decided I needed to practice some discipline and DO SOMETHING if I want it done! So- I am going to post a blog today if it takes me a hundred re-writes!!! *grin*

 

Merry Christmas (a little late) and Happy New Year!