ORANGE and BLUE

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!

I want to thank all of my friends and family for being just that: friends and family both. My friends tend to be like family, and my family are definately friends.

The older I get the more i realize that having that duality is NOT the norm. And I am very blessed to be able to claim so many friendly family and familial friends!

Thank you!

So, why the title of "Orange and Blue"? Because Sunday the Chicago Bears play the Denver Broncos here at Soldier Field. Sunday is also my Dad's birthday, and WE'RE GOING TO THE GAME!!! me and dad and cindy and maybe one other person (friend or family).

We are excited. right now, though, i'm trying to get out of the office a little bit early to start the long train ride home to Indiana. Bus to the Purple Line express train to downtown, then meet Cindy at the South Shore station to ride to South Bend, IN, where (i hope) a friendly family member will be meeting us!

Blessings to all! Happy Thanksgiving.

Prayer Request

Well, it's beginning to sound like a broken record, but would you please take a moment and say a little prayer or two this week for my job situation? what looked like a perfect fit a week ago at my current temp assignment i am now very unsure of. Satan is having a good ole time attacking me on a LOT of different fronts right now, and this week I think will be pivotal on whether I take this job on a permanent basis.

 

peace of mind would also be nice. and some energy to keep facing things that need to be done.

 

thank you, my friends and family.

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nothing new to report

just wanted to let you know that i'm still here. this i-net connection is really slow. so i'm not going to write anything else.

TGIF...

...cuz that's the ONLY thing keeping me out of a dark corner right now... rocking back and forth crying...

i forgot to take allergy meds this morning. i woke up with the urgent need to visit the restroom. It was painful. My stomach has been threatening me all morning with violent upheaval, despite the fact that i've had nothing to eat. I left without breakfast or lunch, so stopped at 7-11. I purchased a sandwich and drink for lunch and saw a muffin that actually appealed to my unhappy stomach. Then I saw a banana and that made my stomach even happier.

So I get on the bus literally right out the door from 7-11 and i really really want to eat my banana but i resist- eating is not allowed on the CTA, and although i have often ignored that when i see no option and i'm not eating something messy, this morning i think, "Emily, what's another ten minutes? you can wait until you get off the bus and eat your banana and muffin in your office."

I hop off my bus at Dodge and Emerson and begin walking the 3 blocks to my office. I have gone 10 steps, and it's been just long enough that there's no way to flag the bus down as it trundles off down the road behind me, when i realize that I've LEFT THE 7-11 BAG OF FOOD ON THE BUS!

i've never done that. i stand on the sidewalk and desperately miss my car. and try really hard not to cry. instead i call my sister, also without a car, and bemoan my situation to her.

i am at work now (obviously) and have received some little joy from the fact that i was able to be the "Glue Stick Fairy" to a woman who works with me. she was bemoaning the fact yesterday to someone else that the last time she asked for glue sticks she got TWO instead of a whole big package of them, like she wanted. I went to SAm's Club with cindy last night and waiting in check out saw big packages of glue sticks for $6, and got one and left it on her desk this morning. she's gone around asking everyone (but me) if they got her the glue sticks.

hee hee.

TGIF

Hard to blog with pen and paper

So, much has been happening in my life. one of the things is that cindy and i have basically lost our internet connection and/or computers. i am writing this now from dana's computer. dana was our roommate. i say was, because another thing that's happened was that Dana moved into her condo. cindy and i had our internet through her, really, and since we're just now finally getting paid again, we can't afford to replace it just yet. although it wouldn't have done us much good- as cindy's computer needs a new power supply (we'll hopefully be replacing that in the next few weeks.) and my laptop seems to have experience an identity crisis, and tells me now when i try to start it that it doesn't have an operating platform. isn't that silly?

so, we've been mostly without the internet, and that is the main reason for my long absence from blogging.

i have been blessed with work since august 6th, which is nice to have a paycheck of course. it's been a bit difficult at this job, for many reasons, one of them being that it's back-to-school time at District 65, and for the last three weeks i've watched all the new teachers go through their training, get their new curriculum, and all the returning teachers and make the schedules and troubleshoot difficulties at the schools... all the while thinking that i'd much rather be preparing my own classroom instead of the District 65 2007-2008 master calendar... my assignment there ends next friday, and i will be glad to move on, i think. the person for whom i work i don't believe i would work well with on a long-term basis. but i have made a favorable impression on many people there, apparently, and that is good.

my assignment ends on september 14 and i already have another assignment starting on the 17th. it's with a non-profit that works with disabled adults. i will be working with one of the upper managers, but i'll be in an environment that i've been in before, at ADEC in Elkhart, where i was a secretary/receptionist for 2 years. i would very much like to find there a place in which i fit well. it has the potential to go temp-to-perm.

we are looking for another roommate. or quite possibly another place to live with another roommate. we are tired of having water in our basement. that is another that has been going on. we went on a retreat the weekend of my birthday, as i said in my last blog, and when we came home the basement spelled horrible. musty and wet. but we couldn't find any leak, not looking in the two places that have previously leaked in the last six months. we checked and checked. i slept in the family room on an air mattress because the smell was too horrible in my bedroom, but we could find no leak or identify the origin of the smell. i ended up sleeping upstairs on the daybed after a few weeks. last weekend i moved some boxes in my closet (boxes that were there from the last time we had a flood and i hastily moved everything) and i found a damp carpet and 10 inches of mold along the bottom of the walls. a simple piece of shelving that my dad made for me when i was in college was also sitting there, and it has now absorbed water for a month and is also growing mold. ruined. my clothes smell awful this past week. and despite calling the landlord tuesday morning, all that's been done is for the carpet to be pulled back and the padding removed. helpful, sure, but only revealing more mold in the wood and in the area under the drywall where the carpet was. and meanwhile, the mold remains.

we're tired of the building being old and falling apart around us and the families moving out and the college students moving in all around, not caring a whit for anything.

i'm watching a movie with Colin Firth. he doesn't seem an overly astounding heartthrob, but man, he is an attractive gentleman.

cindy and i came over to dana's tonight for dinner. it was one of the best dinners i've had in quite some time. cindy made this awesome spinach salad with mandarin oranges, water chestnuts, cranberries and poppyseed dressing. Dana grilled skewers of potatoes and the most wonderful steaks. really really good. nice and tender. oh, and sliced french bread and herbed olive oil that cindy made. it was SOOOO good.

i'm running out of things to say, so i guess i'll go now, and give my full attention to the movie. i appreciate your prayers, and hope that all of my friends and family are doing well.

oh, and since we don't have reliable internet access, i wouldn't count on getting ahold of me in a timely fashion via email. call my cell phone if you have something time-sensitive to communicate.

love you all and i'll try to write more than once a month.

emily

This message has been brought to you by the letters "M", "L", and "E", and the number 87.

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And now i'm 33...

So, my birthday was on Friday. I was 33 on the 3rd... seeing as how i didn't really care when i turned 3 on the 3rd, i'm considering this my "cool" birthday... double-digit cool.

Bourne Ultimatum opened on my birthday, and that's where i would have been except that months and months ago Mom invited me and Cindy to a Women of Faith conference in Ft. Wayne. So, thursday night cindy and i took the train to indiana, along with scores of Cubs fans returning home after the afternoon game. many of them were drunk. and many of tehm continued drinking because until Aug 1, it was allowed on the train. so, not only was train very very crowded, it was very very loud and unusually annoying. then friday afternoon we drove with my aunts barb and beth to ft wayne for the opening sessions of the conference. we spent the night in a Motel 6 that didn't smell TOO horrendous, relatively speaking to other Motels i've experienced, and all day saturday were more sessions. i wasn't really excited about going, but i'm really glad now that i went. it was very good, and the ladies who spoke were great. very funny but also very moving and deep. and funny. did i mention funny? http://www.womenoffaith.com/conferences/ftwayne/

and if you haven't heard sandi patti recently (i hadn't), MAN, is she worth a listen-to. especially when she sings with her husband, as she did Friday night as a special treat. now, if you've never heard her husband (i hadn't), you'd be thinking "great... she's gonna sing with her hubby, whoo hoo..." (i was). so she sings a verse solo. brief musical interlude. second verse, hubby. mouth opens, and- one of the the most gorgeous male voices i've ever heard cascades through the arena. the man is literally an opera singer. their english/italian duet was an incredible live music experience. the last note faded and all that i could do was whimper a little tiny squeaky "wow" before i jumped to my feet with the rest of the place. true talent expressed with true feeling. truly special.

cindy and i came home on the train this evening, and we will BOTH be going to WORK tomorrow morning!!!! I know!!! praise the Lord!!! Cindy is starting a 25/hr/wk job at an early learning center as their kitchen coordinator. it's a preschool run by a sister Mennonite church called REba Place in evanston. I will be starting a new assignment through the temp agency i've been working with. it's full time in evanston and listed as "indefinite" so they anticipate more than 6 weeks. this is the FIRST time in more than a YEAR that we will BOTH be earning consistent paychecks at the same time!!!! WHOOOO-HOOOOO.

that's a good birthday present. thanks, God. We were able to pay rent in full last week thanks to a handfull of miscellaneous jobs brought to us by our church members, including one large painting job and much childcare and cleaning. I am looking forward to being able to put some of my paychecks back into the church. (no, we we're tithing during these last months... something i've kinda struggled with, but hey, we had to ask for money FROM the deacons, can't really tithe it right back...)

it's supposed to be (forgive my crassness here) BUTT hot this week. and God has even comethrough there- we're watering plants and doing some cleaning for a church family who's on vacation for the next 4 weeks, and have been told to please feel free to camp out at their house if we need to. it's a nice house with central air and is half a block from the lake. needless to say, i think we'll be doing some of that "camping" this week. our window AC unit do tend to suck up the electricity mightily. their house even on the thermostat "away" settings is cooler than ours by far.

i had a very nice time this afternoon with family, Grandma and Grandpa, aunt JoAnn, mom and dad, and Rod, Michelle, Kirsten and Kira. aunt dove joined us for lunch at a chinese place and then most of the rest of us headed over to Grandma and Grandpa's... cindy and i actually took Kira over while rod and michelle took Kirsten school shopping! she's starting kindergarten!!! wow! while over there we played games and looked at pics from cousins Jason, Yvette, Jaiya and Nadia's visit to indiana last week. (J's were in town last week from Charlotte NC and left early friday morning, and cindy and i got there late late thursday night, so we missed them! but, they are the cousins we visited in NC just a few weeks ago, so at least we've seen them recently.) we also wathced a DVD of home video that Jason's left with Grandma- Jaiya in their swimming pool showing off, and then a GREAT dance performance featuring Yvette, JAiya, and Nadia in the kitchen. it was wonderful! then michelle and the girls dropped us off at the airport to catch the train back to "Heh-CAUGH-oo" as Kira says Chicago.

I slept on the train. it was nice. and there was not a single drunk Cubs fan. that was even nicer.

i'm sleeping on the couch tonight, right under the AC in the family room. hee hee.


This message has been brought to you by the letters "M", "L", and "E", and the number 87.

Behold, the power of Prayer.

Careful what you wish for...
two weeks ago tomorrow, i was despondent and didn't have any idea where we'd get money for rent, let alone enough money to live on otherwise. no job prospects at all. so a friend (and deacon) at church asked if she could speak on our behalf at church the next day (we were with our cousins in north carolina) and ask for prayer for us, that we would have work, and to ask people to keep us in mind for any jobs they might need done.

Well, God's laughing quietly to himeself now.
we have more work than we have hours to get it done, and our own apartment to completely clean by next Saturday evening besides (we have out of town company coming to stay).

So this is a praise! and a call out for continued prayer- that we'd have the strength to get everything done. the jobs we've got are all of a physical nature- we've spent yesterday and today cleaning and taping more woodwork than i ever want to tape again, and will return tomorrow after church to start painting the ceilings and walls in earnest (the job is in a condo of a family at our church). Another prospective job is a massive cleaning (including laundry and all the works) for a church woman who's mother died several weeks ago and has had a horrible time of it since (stresses of a 12-yr old son, taking on her mother's dog, being forced out of her aprtment buliding because of the dog by an irritable building manager bending rules to suit him, and having to settle her mother's estate and clean out her belongings.)

so, painting, cleaning- oh, and possibly helping another woman (not a church member but referred through one) pack up her "huge house" because she is suddenly moving. and, maybe another cleaning and painting job for a church guy who is in property management and will need an apartment scrubbed down and repainted to get rid of the heavy smoke residue.

i might also have another temp job at Rotary starting on August 1 and lasting for a month. oh, AND we have to finish painting the nursery we started before leaving on vacation for Sharon, the woman Cindy worked with at her in-home daycare until it closed at the end of June because Sharon is expecting her third daughter by July 31.

so, no pressure. no worries. no fatigue or anything. no irony at all, nope not at all.

i'm telling you, God is chuckling quietly to himself.

Behold, the power Prayer.

Sometimes you're the pigeon...

…sometimes you're the statue…

I'm really tired of feeling pooped on. *sigh*

I am a bright and intelligent woman. Why doesn't anyone want me to work for them?

I apologize for not writing more. My laptop screen no longer has any tension, meaning that it just flops all the way back. So to use it I have to sit somewhere I can prop the screen up. It kinda limits where and how much I use it. So that's one reason I haven't been writing as much. Another reason is that our modem died several weeks ago, and so we've been in a time of transition as Dana and Cindy get a new modem/wireless system up and running, and make my computer like it. *grin* and for a while cindy's computer didn't like it either, so internet access has been intermittent. And lastly, my mind and body have been kinda in Survival Mode lately, and not in a Waxing Eloquent Mode. It just doesn't seem kind to my very small audience to log on to write something when my brain is consumed with "must get job must get job must get job must pay rent must pay rent must pay rent must buy city sticker must buy city sticker must get job must get job God please I need a job just keep swimming just keep swimming…" (ah, if only I could be a small blue fish in a big blue ocean with no cares other than "don’t get dead.")

So, I am at a temp job today and tomorrow and am taking advantage of their internet to stay a little late and write a little bit to let my very small audience know that I am alive. I am waiting to hear from yet another job for which I went in for 2 interviews and am expecting to hear back from any day. It is difficult to feel anything other than panic when considering this position and whether I hope to get it or not and if I have a chance, etc. That's too much of an emotional roller coaster when the brain's on Survival Mode. So, I don't think about it much and when I do all I let myself say is that I think I would be good at the job and that if I'm what the job needs then God will have me get it. If not, then I won't and I've done all I can in regards to it and it's all on God. Carefully constructed indifference. Cuz the job I really wanted was Shedd. And I'm not willing to get invested in another position and go through "no thank you" again.

See, this is why I haven't written. It's terribly depressing. I love you all, and am praying for my friends and family. If you have something specific you'd like me to remember in my prayers, please leave me a comment or email me.

Staying afloat- emily

Chocolate Therapy and Scripture

Chocolate Therapy
Ben & Jerry's Original Ice Cream Flavor

Description from B&J's web site:
Chocolate Ice Cream with Chocolate Cookies & Swirls of Chocolate Pudding Ice Cream

Uh-oh. Call the emotional rescue squad. Whatever wrinkle, glitch, minor upset or major mishap may be the cause of your discombobulated state, that "must-have-chocolate" mantra you're muttering calls for primal s'cream therapy of the sublimest chocolate kind.

Cost: $2.75

Scripture Therapy
God the Father's Original Sin Salvation Favor

Description from an online ESV Bible web site:
Comfort from the Holy Inspired Word of God with swirls of Comfort from the Holy Inspired Spirit of God

"For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all."  ~Eph 1:15-23, ESV

Cost: absolutely free

And that's what got me through the last hour of my life.

...Melissa asked for it...

...so here it is:

It's summer, and my toenails are pretty!

Confused? Check out the comments to my May 11 post...

Sorry it's been so long.

Shedd update...

…Thanks, but no thanks.

*sigh*

I will be writing a bit more about that later, but I'm at work (my last day at the Rotary International Headquarters- very cool) and can't write more than that. But just wanted to let people know that I was not selected for the position for which I applied. I kinda' figured, but now it's official.

Thanks for all your prayers, and continue to pray for me as I pray for you! Hey- anything specific you want me to pray for, leave a comment or shoot me an email.

I'm heading to Indiana on the last train out tonight after work. Looking forward to seeing family. Not so much looking forward to losing a pet. More later. Love you all.

Even if you're not a cat person...

…please read Cindy's (sister's) entry "Garmu Efunkle Leinbach" on her blog www.zeeblebop.com.

Like our spirits needed any more depressing attacks right now. Cindy has always had an especially intense connection to animals, and having an animal around for 14 years makes its loss incredibly hard at the best of times, let alone when your spirit is already half-beaten down to dust.

Years ago I had to take my 14-yr-old cat to the vet for a life-ending visit. It was hard for me; it will be excruciating for Cindy. Please keep her in your prayers.

Here we go loop-de-looooo...

I'm at work- I don't have time to write what just now popped into my head. Just wanted to let you all know that I'm alive and still waiting to hear from Shedd. I have called this week, but had to leave a message. This week has seen lows and (while maybe not "highs") some mid-altitude plateaus of rest.

I will write more later. I am going to a play with dana tonight at her church. It's about Job. Hmmm. Job the guy forever associated with angst and suffering despite loving God, and job, the cause of much of my angst and suffering despite loving God. Interesting…. *grin* love you all!

Today is Saturday, April 21 - I worked this week at the Rotary International World Headquarters, which, go figure, happens to be in Evanston. I'm entering into a database the names of literally thousands of Rotary Clubs from around the world that have qualified for a special commendation. I spend my days at a computer in a lovely little cubicle, reading all sorts of names and matching them to the database. It's very interesting, as far as all the clubs in all the places... some of the names are really neat. It sounds boring, and it is. but it's not horrible. the actual office environment is very pleasant, the people in the Awards Department have so far been very amiable and seem to get along with each other very well- there's laughter on a regular basis. another affirmation that a work environment doesn't have to be horribly stressful. I enjoy going to this job, even though what i'm actually doing IS kinda boring. they have hot chocolate and tea bags in the kitchen area, too. i'm learning a bit about what Rotary clubs around the world DO, too- it's NOT just a bunch of old rich guys eating lunch, like it sometimes seems to be in America. *grin*

The Rotary building is a 16-floor highrise in Evanston, one of the tallest buildings in Evanston, doncha' know. What's nice is that the area i'm in is on the east side of the building. this means that about 20 feet from my cubicle is a wonderful view of the Lake. And if i look very sharply to the right, i get a great view of the City- Hancock Center to Sears Tower. and in the middle, halfway between me and the City, is a cluster of buildings distiguishable as Loyola University's campus, which is two blocks from my apartment, so in a way, i can see where i live.

this job at the Roatary International offices is through the temp agency i'm working for, and is supposed to last for a couple of weeks. this is good, since i'm not too hopeful about getting either of the jobs i interviewed at over the last week. I was told by the woman at Shedd that they hoped to make their decision "early" in this week (the day of my interview on last friday was the last day of interviews for the position), and that i would receive a call "either way". since i did not receive any call this week, i'm thinking that i am at least not their first choice- perhaps they have not called other candidates pending acceptance by the first choice person, etc. i did call on Monday to thank them for the interview and to say that i enjoyed it very much. i dont' know if i should again. i probably will.

the reception/secretary job i interviewed for on Tuesday went ok, but not spectacular. i don't think we hit it off to any impressive degree. just sorta lukewarm. i'd be okay in the job. it's got a great location- downtown, but right on the bus route that goes right past my house, and in an office building right across from the Art Institute and Millenium Park. i do enjoy being downtown. but, this job would be REALLY on the low end of my salary requirements. really. but it'd be full time with benefits.

the other job i was supposed to interview with on Tuesday i postponed- for various reasons; but i'm not sure it's practical for me- it's only very part time, and the kind of work means it's on weeknight evenings or weekends. and they ask for a 9-month commitment, and with temping and not knowing when or what hours i'd get if i get a job- well, this job was a good idea as a second job filler, once i know what the main job will be. anyway.

as far as general finances go, Cindy and i were feeling pretty good about our ability to meet all obligations and maybe even have enough to get our brakes checked out- and then i did my taxes. *sigh* for the first time in YEARS (if ever) I ended up owing both federal and state taxes. due to the fact that unemployment benefits do not have the option to withhold for taxes...

so, i'm feeling a little anxiety about things again, since $325 suddenly was due on April 17. please continue praying for my peace of mind and for my trust in God's provision. I will be getting one check (from this week) before rent is due. but i was kinda counting on the money (now gone) so that i could make a payment to my chiropractor (for my treatment last year)- i'd stopped making payments temporarily, but now need to make a payment to avoid defaulting and being referred to debt collections. and i don't need any more of THAT.

meanwhile, i am enjoying:

• spending time with a family from church with two young girls (and a third on the way),
• the nicer weather which allows me to go back to my times of relaxation on my favorite beach (and yes, collect more lake glass...),
• going through the EXperiencing God small group study,
• continuing to fellowship and pray for the wonderful people in my small group,
• reading Phil chapter 4 and other assorted scripture.

speaking of scripture, tomorrow is sunday, which means i should get going on my way to bed. maybe we can be on time tomorrow morning! hee hee.

i love you all, and pray for my friends and family more now than i ever really consistently have. Feel free to drop me a line or leave a comment with a way i can pray for you. praying for others helps me focus on God and what HE can do and has done and is doing in the lives of so many people, instead of just focusing on me.

btw- thanks to cousin michelle for this wonderful pink knit top i'm wearing, and for the awesome zip-up pin-stripe blouse (that gave me something else ot wear to work this week), among other items of clothing that no longer fit her. the little things like wearing my "new" clothes and remembering the people in my life who love me- that also helps me focus on God and what HE can do, is doing, and will continue to do in the lives of those around me. Praise Jesus.

Shedd interview update

I don't have much time, and will add details later, but i wanted to let you all know that my interview at Shedd was yesterday at 9:00 and went as well as i could have hoped. the interview was fun and i was sorry to have to leave! I think that i have a real shot at being offered the job, and now am concentrating on praying about whether to take it if offered. right now i am leaning toward yes, but am still offering it to God, since this particular position means working on Sundays. on the other hand, if i take it, it could be a way in to an organization that i could make a career with... so please pray for me as well.

i love you all! thanks for your prayers concerning this interview- i really felt God's peace.

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When it rains... again...

so, apparently it's raining. not just outside, where it's 35 degrees and so raining slushy crud, but in my life of job searching, too. the latest interview update and therefore prayer items:

• Shedd Aquarium: Friday Apr 13 @9:00 (for a program interpretor position interacting with the general visiting public. at the interview i will be presenting a 15 min demo about coral that i created- did you know vinegar dissolves coral?)
  
• Jewish Family & Children Council: Tuesday Apr 17 @10:00 (for a one-on-one mentoring position for children and adults with developmental and mental disabilities- part time to supplement- ofc is nearby in West Rogers Park)
  
• Christian Century Magazine: Tuesday Apr 17 @3:00 (for a receptionist/editorial assistant position beginning in May- downtown ofc right across from the Art Institute)

You'll notice i have two on next tuesday- that is because i will be working a temp job starting on monday, but i had already told the temp agency i was not available on the 17th for a job that ended up falling through. SO- i will start working in Evanston (about 20 minutes by train) on monday at the Rotary international ofcs- putting data from letters received into their database and generating return letters, i think. it is a job predicted to last 3-4 weeks and pays $13/hr! This is such a relief and (of course) another answer to prayer! Just when i start to feel overwhelmed, God comes through again. How do people live without God?

Also, I received a call today from a woman at church who had a job lead for cindy. cindy also is dog-sitting this weekend in addition to her part time daycare assistant hours this week.

i applied for a forebearance on my student loans for three months, and was worried it would not go through before the loan payment was automatically deducted; but i checked online today and the forbearance was approved and the autopayment did not go through!

i am hopeful that tomorrow cindy and i can take the car for an estimate on what damage has been done to our brakes, so that we can plan on how much we need to repair them so we have a car for use when job searching, as well.

it's cold and crappy weather outside, but the rain i'm feeling inside today is sweet and refreshing! Thank you Jesus!

(by the way, does anyone out there need an almost-full bag of hydrated lime?)

why i have new carpet, and interview update

about a month ago there was a night of rain, freezing rain, then rain again, resulting in massive amounts of slush, which acted as dams for the rain... my bedroom is on "garden" level, meaning it is half-basement, so windows are AT ground level. my bedroom is also in the back corner of the apartment building: i have a wall with a window that looks directly onto the alley and the wall adjoining that is the outside wall that has the gate into the back"yard" area. (so i can hear quite clearly whenever anyone comes in or out through the back gate.)

now, the water drainage at that back gate corner and out through the alley has always been HORRIBLE. but usually the water at least gets into the alley and pools in the middle of the alley- which makes getting to the dumpsters interesting, but at least there's not 6 inches of standing water at the back corner of the building by the gate. Until that night i just described... the slushy snowy dams kept water from going anywhere- well, anywhere except for into the cracks that were present (apparently) in the concrete flashing along the foundation and within the foundation, and water started listening to gravity and permeating into those little cracks which the cold apparently made worse and some of the concrete had broken up, and well, i ended up with lots of water in my room. but i'm getting ahead of myself.

in my bedroom, in that back outside corner, i have this little "closet". it's not part of my real closet, not even on the same wall, just this little build-out from the wall with a folding closet door. and when you open it you see the unfinished rock foundation on the bottom half, and unfinished brick wall on the upper half. and affixed on the brick wall is a big gray metal box, with a huge pull-lever inside, labeled "ON" and "OFF" and "Emergency Electric Shut-off" handwritten on the gray metal. yes, i have the master power switch to the entire building in my bedroom.

so this particular sunday morning after that slushy night i've already described, half my carpet squishes when i walk on it. and it's the half of my room radiating out from that back corner, the unfinished corner. meaning that the water is seeping in from that corner. cindy and i spend more than an hour moving everything on that half of the room. we call the landlord; the leaking appears to stop while landlord is there (he also shovels the snow/slush/water). but later that night, it's dripping again- well, more like oozing, water seeping in through the rock foundation. we borrow a wet-vac, and pull about 18 gallons of water out of the carpet in about 5 hours. and i examine the leaking corner and realize that if i could just get the water to drip OUT away from the rock face and INTO something, instead of just flowing down the rock face and into the carpet, maybe i wouldn't have to move everything out of my room. (we did anyway, including taking my bed apart around 1:00 a.m.) so, i remember my physics and go find some Bronco Blue pipe cleaners i have and push the ends of the pipe cleaners into the cracks where it looks like the most water is flowing. Capillary action and gravity do their job, and the water follows the pipe cleaners out away from the rock face, and drips off the ends of the pipe cleaners into the 9x13 pan i've set up below. as you see in the pic, i rigged up quite a few pipe cleaners. and that 9x13 pan filled up every 20-25 minutes for several hours. This picture was actually taken more than a week afterwards, so some of the pipe cleaners have fallen out, and everything is dry. but, there is supposed to be carpet on that floor. The building handyman came immediately Monday morning and ripped up all the carpet and padding to prevent molding.

and so for 3 weeks my room looked like this, except emptier. this pic was taken when my parents were in town, and we put an air mattress down on the concrete floor for my dad and the chair was left there. The power shut off leaking corner closet is in the middle of the picture. (some of you might be saying, "i thought she said the corner closet wasn't even on the same wall as her clothes closet, but i see clothes hanging right beside it..." Yes, you do, because i'm strange and moved my closet rod to the opposite wall and used my real closet as a little nook for my bed. yeah, i'm weird.) so anyway, nearly a month of cold concrete in my room with nothing else, including my bed. i slept on my mattress in either cindy's room or in the middle of the family room. but, on March 23 I got new carpet! I was out of town that weekend, so when i came home, i was greeted with the unmistakeable scent of Eau de Carpet Nouveau and my wonderful sister Cindy had moved some of my furniture back in and put up this cute little Indian-style purple canopy thing around the real closet and placed that orange chair and a table in the closet and it was such a cute little reading nook! i don't have pics yet of my new room and carpet- when i'm all moved back in, i'll post a few.

no, i'm not all moved in yet- i had one week of being home with the new smelly carpet (couldn't really sleep in the room yet cuz it was so bad) and then cndy and i went to Indiana for a week last week. (see cindy's blog at www.zeeblebop.com for info on that.) and we got home yesterday and now i'm spending most of my time taking anti-cold/allergy meds (man, i haven't had this much runny snot in YEARS) and preparing for my interiew at Shedd Aquarium.

Yes, my Shedd interview is still pending. I never received an email i was suppsed to get regarding preparing for the interview (Shedd's server was having issues) and so Samantha (the woman in charge of the department i'm interviewing with) called and gave the info verbally but rescheduled the interview from last tuesday to today because i didn't have enough time to prepare. (i have to prepare a 10-15 minute presentation on any aquatic theme with at least one hands-on activity.) well, it was then supposed today, but i realized last week there was NO WAY i'd ahve enough time to prep a good demo when i was doing painting and childcare for that time, and not getting home until the day before the interview. that didn't give me nearly enough time to see if vinegar dissolves my coral pieces and to find lime (chemical) to combine with water to make limewater to make limestone... anyway... so, i called Samantha and left a message explaining my lack of actual usable time and wondering if she had something open a few days later... if not, i would be there on tuesday, for sure, but no harm in asking.

so, long story short, Samantha was on vacation last week too and called me back from her home yesterday to let me know that postponing my intervew for a day or two is JUST FINE and totally not a problem. she's calling me this afternoon to tell me what her schedule looks like, and i will be doing my interview hopefully on Thursday or Friday.

This was an answer to prayer, and i praise God for it, cuz the "lime" we found yesterday and tried to make limewater did NOT work AT ALL. the lime we got today is upstairs all mixed in water and looks to be separating out just like it's supposed to. AND vinegar (even at only 5% acidity) DOES dissolve coral! this is good for my demo, but really not so good for the oceans... but i won't get into that now.

Please pray that my demo will come together well in the next 24 hours as i actually script it out and practice it with the hands on stuff just described, and pray for my actual interview of course. Also please continue to pray for me to have peace and follow God's prompting in my job search and in His provision for my financial needs. This is very hard for me to do. without completely panicking. sigh. also, i have another connection that gave me the name of a temp agency that her friend runs, and i'll be calling them this afternoon as well.

I love you ALL! (especially since you actually read all the 'schtuff' i write!)

Life is Good

So, i haven't been blogging as much- i guess since things are better i'm not freaking as much, therefore this is not the catharsis it was when i WAS deperately freaking.

i am at a temp job on lunch and so this will be brief, but i wanted to update everyone on life and give a big huge praise and thanks to God Almighty, who really IS a provider! okay so i knew that in my head, but the last month was a test of that in my heart, and well, i guess since God doesn't need to pass any test, it was I who passed. GOD IS GOOD and i just wanted to publicly tell ya'll that! our bills are being paid (still not sure how), our spirits are being fed (ditto), and i have new carpet in my bedroom finally!!! (still haven't told ya'll that story- and i even have pics!)

pray now for: continued temp work for me; that cindy and i will be able to act as election equipment managers on april 17 and earn the $500 that goes with that (each); for my interview at Shedd Aquarium next tuesday (april 3) at 2:00 p.m. and the wisdom to decided whether i should take the position if it is offered to me (more on that later).

yep, those are the 3 big needs right now. thanks and i love you and am praying for you as well (i've been praying for other people MORE during this time of crisis for me- defense mechanism of "my life is overwhelming and there's nothing i can do but trust God, so instead of thinking about that, i will pray hard for everyone else in my life, near and far!)

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again i will say: Rejoice. the Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4 (not sure of verses)

Today's update

I have an appointment tomorrow at 11:00 with a different temp agency. it is downtown. i am still playing phone tag with the Floor Manager at Shedd. I sent 4 resumes out today, two of them for positions i think i would actually really like.

Again, or immediate need is for immediate work and immediate pay. We are supposed to resign our lease and drop it off tomorrow. i am really struggling with signing a lease when i have no way to pay for rent. on the other hand, i have no way to pay for moving out, either. my biggest struggle is with asking our third roommate Dana to sign the lease knowing that we cannot pay. This requires her to have faith that God will somehow provide too. Somehow, that stress upon her doesn't seem fair, since we're the ones without employment.

So please pray for all three of us and our living together. we like living together as a little "mini-family-unit" and cindy and i really have no other options but to resign the lease and keep praying to God for provision. Please pray for Dana in all this. Thanks.

i'm trying to also think about ways God IS providing for us- and so: we were able to borrow a friend's car and go to Aldi to buy some groceries; I have money in my account to buy some groceries; i have a roof over my head to keep out the freezing rain, and heat that comes on every so often to keep the temperature much higher than the 34 degrees it is outside right now; i have a CTA pass to get me downtown to my interview tomorrow; i have clean clothes to wear to the interview, and a computer and printer to create and print a resume and cover letters to take to my interview; i have internet access so i can job search and send out resumes and cover letters; i have friends who love me.

of course, please note that for half of those things that i just listed, quick on their heels come thoughts such as "although i'm not paying for that internet access and can't" and "although i owe dana money for the printer ink that i can't give her" so i guess i'm only really half successful in concentrating on my daily blessings... sigh. oh, also, cindy is getting sick again- please pray for her to get well. it's hard to job search when you don't have any voice at all...

love you all!

Well, God is still good...

I must add an amendment to the previous blog- when we got back from the after school program at 5:30 there were multiple messages from the staffing agency- the assignment has been cancelled (not just mine, but two other positions at same place). so i call the cell phone number the staffing guy left me and he says there were "contractural issues" between the agency and the client, and until the issues are settled, can't send anyone, and the client cancelled the order pending. *sigh*

so, no job tomorrow morning. of course, this does not mean that God is NOT awesome. He is. i'm not sure what he was trying to prove with this little yo-yo, but maybe He was just showing me a little bit of flexing before he reels the big one in for me. i choose to remain hopeful, and i am choosing to continue to trust God to give me another way to meet the financial obligations i have.

the yo-yo may not affect just me: today at After School Program i told all the staff and the kids that it was my last day. i guess it was kinda nice to see that people were truly bummed by that. one girl did nothing but glare at me for the rest of the homework time, refusing to talk to me or let me help with her homework (she's one of the ones i usually do help, and an especially sweet girl- but wait- we're not supposed to have favorites!). so, i'll show up on thursday, barring another provision.

positive note: in addition to the cancellation messages there was another message from Shedd Aquarium wanting to schedule an interview. I had previously heard from a woman on Sunday and have been playing phone tag sunday p.m. and yesterday and this morning. the message today was from another woman, so maybe the first one was out of the office or something. When I discovered i no longer had unemployment coming, i started applying to part time jobs as well as full time. The Shedd job is listed as a seasonal part time. seasonal usually means through the end of the summer. it's for Program Interpretation, so it'd be like what i used to do at the Science Center of Iowa and as a Docent at the zoo. i have no idea what kind of hours i could get, or how much it would pay. i'm not counting on too much in either category, but again, i'm not going to create any expectations. not when the God of the Universe is involved.

i also got a call from a woman at church about a position where she works- a front desk/data base maintainer/manuscript screener etc. position at a Christian magazine company. not a huge one- i've never even heard of it. but one of the editors is a Mennonite guy, so it can't be too bad. hee hee. the company guy asked her to please forward anyone's info to him. but this position would not start right away, so i'd still need some temp stuff.

So, it's a bit of an about-face, but not hopeless. and somehow i'm more hopeful after almost getting something than i was before. maybe God really was just reassuring me that He's on the job, and gently asking "where is your faith, oh person rocked by the stormy sea?"

oh, and speaking of faith and God's plan for me- here's the Chicago TEaching Fellows update for today: i was NOT accepted into the program. sorry. i think the people around me are more distraught by this than i am. yes, i suppose it is a disappointment of sorts, but in the weeks since the interview my mindset has changed, mostly as a result of praying for God to change it.

See, one of the units in the Bible study i'm doing talked about George Mueller. Great man of God in England a century or two ago. and it talked about the way George discerned the will of God. it had the process written out as George described it, and step one of six was

i seek at the beginning to get my heart into such a state that it has no will of its own in regard to given matter. Nine-tenths of the trouble with people generally is just here. Nine-tenths of the difficulties are overcome when our hearts are ready to do the knowledge of what His will is.

so after the interview i realized how much i really was thinking "i have to get into this program, i just HAVE to, this is what God has planned- this is it!" instead of "i have done all that i can do to meet the earthly requirements needed for God to use this program as a path for my life, and now i will continue to seek God's direction in every other area of employment as well". but in the last two weeks especially, i'd been able to say- you know God, whatever You want me to do- this at least is a clear-cut way for me to know. i'm fine with whatever happens. i'll trust that You have a plan either way.

and so my anxiety this past four days of not knowing was just because of that- not knowing. i knew i'd be ok with any result, because i was able to trust that the result was in God's will, even if i couldn't see why.

sure, it would have been nice to say that i was one of 150 out of 2,000 that got chosen. but that's my ego. i will find another way to teach. and this whole process reminded me that i AM a capable teacher- i got an interview, something only about 30% of the applicants got, and i passed a test i've been DREADING, and i passed it with flying colors. i now have confidence in my ability to pass other tests if needed (different state, etc.). and i was reminded that i have been blessed with above average life sciences intelligence. the process re-awoke the passion to teach and to reach "at risk" kids in general; that passion had been smothered almost entirely by the circumstances of the 18 months prior to my starting the Chicago Teaching Fellows process back in November.

so, although it may have seemed like the perfect next chapter in my life, I will not be teaching this fall with the Fellows program. they sent me a link to other alternative programs and i will of course pursue that info; at a glance, nothing there would be for this fall either, but i'll look more tomorrow.

speaking of tomorrow, now that i'm not working, i'll have plenty of time to get the last pieces of furniture out of my bedroom in anticipation of getting new carpet installed. but oh- i never did blog about THAT whole fiasco, did i? i'll have to take a few pics and tell the story- but that will definately be for next time!
love you all!

God is Good - a job for me!

Okay, so ya'll might know i've been a mite anxious about finances, seeing as how my unemployment stopped and i wasn't expecting it to and cindy is also not working full time. Yesterday i went to a temp agency in Evanston (first subburb north of chicago, about ten minutes from home) and today they called and told me that they showed my resume to someone and they want me to come in tomorrow at 9 and start working! $13/hr! Praise God!

Also, a praise bc temp agencies pay weekly, so i will get two paychecks before the next rent! i might just have enough for our portion of rent!!!

please also pray for cindy- that God is preparing a place for her to work.



This temp job is at Resurrection HEalth Care (big HC name around here) and i will be doing data entry and filing and i'm not sure what. but it's to cover a medical leave, so they want a temp person not a temp-to-hire person, and temp only is what i want right now so i can keep looking for the perfect job, or if i get into the FEllows program.

The only down side is that this is a 8-5 job so today will be my last day with the after school program. *frown* i will truly miss those kids!



BUT: PRAISE GOD! this past week has been a very humbling experience. a good one. but still tough. thanks God.


Really tho- a God who creates beauty such as this can certainly manage to take care of my small needs! (pic taken in Hawaii)

The Fellows website has issues

Today's login brought to light the information that the Chicago Teaching Fellows web site is experiencing technical difficulties. So, they are working to resolve the problem and i imagine there are quite a few people wondering like i am. i mean, there's at least 150 or so from my interview day alone...


btw- please give me feedback on my new and (hopefully) improved blog layout/content. (all five of you who read.)


oh, and that reminds me- There have been three different times that someone has left a comment that gets listed as "Anonymous"- which means that the person(s) does not have a blogger account. that's fine, but if you do leave a comment and are doing so under "Anonymous" can you please sign it with your name? at least your first name? it's just i can't figure out who it is...


Here is a picture for today, just to let winter know we haven't forgotten him, so he doesn't need to come back anytime soon to remind us. (it's 54 degrees right now!!!) And hey, there's never too many tiger pics... *Sigh* what a magnificent creature. thanks, God.

New Blog Layout and Losing an Hour

I have changed my blog layout, which i have been wanting to do; i had grown quite bored of the old one, but hadn't had time nor inclination to change. so, now i have. and now i'm thinking, well isn't this interesting: because i've changed the template the background color is different, and therefore some of my blogs are now really difficult to read, because i had manually selected colors when writing the blogs knowing they'd be on the old background. does that make any sense? i thought about going back and changing all of them, but am i going to do that if i decide to change the template again? so, i'm going to try my best to always leave the text color automatic. hopefully, that will mean that future changes will "automatically" update and be readible??? one can only hope.

so, i apologize to you if you go back and read something and find it really difficult to read because of the text colors.

now, the second part of my late night entry- i despise Daylight Savings Time. absolutely despise this whole changing the clocks every spring and fall. i have yet to find someone, anyone who can give me a truly solid and iron-clad reason for the continued observance of this daylight savings scheme. tonight, i will lose an hour of sleep. those of you who know me will know how very irked that fact makes me. so hear i am, not tired at all yet, but looking at the clock and thinking that i really need to be asleep because it's really ten til one, and not ten til midnight.

sigh. it's always fun showing up at church the morning of the clock switches- people arriving an hour early or an hour late.

of course, then there's people like me, who have recently been an hour (or more) late to church on a day when there was no time change. *grin* love ya'll.

(nothing online about the teaching program yet.)

No info yet, sorry

For whatever reason, the web site for the Fellows program has not updated, so it looks like i'll have to wait for the snail mail version. Don't worry, i'll let you all know ASAP, and i will call the program ifi don't get anything in the mail by tuesday.

in the meantime, please be praying that i can find immediate temp work after interviewing for them on Monday. or, rather, be praying for God's provision in my life, and peace enough for me to not freak out before i see God's provision. Thanks.

God really is awesome

So, I was pretty despondent a couple of hours ago (see "never alone?") and God is still cool. it's amazing what praying with your pastor and then putting together a playlist of some of the best Christian music can do for one's state of mind! Thanks, God!

i find out about the teaching program March 9 - this Friday -

just a "by the way"

never alone?

there's a song by Barlow Girl called Never Alone. If you haven't heard it, i'd highly recommend finding a copy or calling your local Christian rock station and requesting it. It's pretty much the way i'm feeling this week. more like, it's a perfect description of what i'm clinging to this week.

i'm going to post the lyrics, but really, you've got to hear the music - the harmony and orchestration of beautiful musicality with the hardness of rock. it's one of those that is best listened to loud, and in stereo surround (like in my car...)

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

[Chorus:]
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

[Chorus]
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

[Chorus]

I'm hoping and praying for the unseen- i'm clinging to the promises in the Word that God takes care of His children. I'm doing my best to be active and positive rather than giving in to utter despondency and sitting in my basement staring at the wall, or sleeping my life's worries away. Both of those options are very alluring right now. Walls can be very interesting.

i don't see the point of God bringing us (me and cindy) right back to where we started: Two years ago almost to the day we moved into this aparment in chicago without any emploment between the two of us. And look! Two years later- that's exactly where we are again! desperately trying to cover expenses, trying to be self-sufficient, trying to feel like we're actually more than just empty baggage floating down the river of life... and i at least had unemployment benefits coming every two weeks, and that's what we've been living on since last septmber.

only, unemployment benefits aren't 52 weeks anymore. it's six months. and so i deposited my last check today, for less than the full amount. if i'd known it was going to run out, i would have started looking for PART time jobs at the new year, instead of just full time. i would have been prepared. i would have robbed a bank.

thing is, i have only myself to blame. i'd been thinking recently that i should call and doublecheck the status of my benefits. i'd slacked off sending as many resumes over the last two months and spent all my time studying for the biology content teaching exam, and then prepping for the CTF interview. i don't evn know if that's what God has prepared for me! I should not have decreased my efforts at seeking other opportunities. but honestly, it felt nice to know that i had this cushion of a couple of months yet- i wasn't in a hurry- i'd wait and see if i got into Chicago Teaching Fellows. that way i'd know if i needed a permanent or temporary job.

but hey, the plans of man dry up like withered grass, and burn in the sun, right?

i need a God-sized miracle of provision right now. we have to sign our lease in the next week. i can't guarantee i'll have rent on the 31st. we're looking for work, anywhere, doing anything, and we can't really drive our car because the brakes are grinding. i cannot function without my meds, but i will need more in 5 weeks. and this stupid keyboard is skipping letters every other word!!! argh! There's all these things i want to do, to be a part of here, but i can't do anything without money. needless to say, i've been sending a ton of resumes and calling a whole bunch this week. but then we (dana and me) went to teh grocery store, and i remembered i can't buy groceries. and won't be able to until something miraculous happens.

i'm very tired. tired of being desperate. tired of not knowing what will happen tomorrow. tired of not being a productive part of my community. tired of barely scraping by. tired.

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

I got my Test Scores!

And i PASSED!!! Praise Jesus!!!

Not only did i pass, but i did so with flying colors! I needed 240 out of 300 to pass the biology content exam i took January 28. I got 279!

The results page i got in the mail today breaks the composite score (279) into the categories that were covered and gives what score i got in each of those categories. I feel the need to share. *grin*

Science and Technology 278 (out of 300)
Life Science 290
Physical Science 250
Earth Systems& the Universe 280
Cell Biology, Heredity, Evolution 275
Organismal Biology and Ecology 300

Yes, a perfect score in one category! that makes up for the lowest score of 250 in PHYSICS! (oh, the bane of physics over my life- will it never end???) hee hee

actually, physical science really could have bit me in the butt, seeing as how you have to hae 240 or more in each category, not only the composite score. so, if i'd gotten less than 240 in that i would not have passed. so THANK GOD for that 250!

Thanks to all who prayed for me concerning this test! NExt big date is March 9, when i will learn if i've been invited, wait listed, or declined by the Chicago TEaching Fellows program.

How'd the Interview event go?

Well, so last Saturday (well, a week ago saturday- Feb 10) was my big Chicago Teaching Fellows interview event. i arrived at Clemente High School bright and early at 8:20 to sign in for the 9:00 start time. i lined up with more than a hundred other candidates, signed in, handed over copies of my official college transcripts, and sat in an auditorium nervously going over my 5-minute sample lesson mentally. went through the introduction, welcome, explanation of the day, and listened for my name to be called in a room assignment list. room 404. i joined 6 others, who happened to all be women, in a small Spanish classroom and met my two evaluators- two young women who have been through similar programs in chicago. these women had been given the applications and personal statements of all seven of us that were assigned to them. they'd gone over all of our information and would watch as we took turns giving our sample lessons to one another, listened to a scenario and then spent 20 minutes in a group discussion about it, gave a two-minute written response to a concluding question about the discussion scenario, and wrote furiously for twenty minutes in response to another scenario designed to test our writing skills.

Then, we went back to the auditorium with everyone else, went through 45 minutes of general question and answer about chicago teaching fellows, and then everyone either went to or waited for their individual interview. individual interviews were conducted by one of the evaluators we'd spent the morning with, and were precisely 20 minutes long. i was the last interview for my group. i went and ate a leisurely lunch, thanked God for giving me a good morning and getting me through thus far, and wrote in my journal. then i went at 2:00 for my personal interview.

It sucked. well, at least i thought it sucked. as i walked out of the room i felt like turning around and saying "i really don't stand a chance, do i?" my second thought was, well God, at least now i'll know that if i DO get invited to be in this program it is TOTALLY YOU, cuz it sure as heck ain't me that impressed 'em.

what went wrong? i dunno. i just got the distinct impression that my interviewer didn't think i was inner city high risk high school material. like i wasn't tough enough. she read a scenario for one of the questions and seemed to belittle me for my first response being indignation at the scenario's school vice principal. um, okay, should everyone be indignant to hear that a vice principal brings a kid BACK into your classroom after you've sent him to the office and in front of your class, tells you that "if you can't handle discipline in your classroom i'll find someone who will!" yes, i should be angry, indignant, and surprised! the question then was, what would you do? so i'm trying to work through what on earth i would do, and so much of it is dependent on what the kids in that class were like, how the kid in question was being disruptive, etc. several things came into my mind, all very different, depending on those variables. she didn't seem to like my answers, and told me that many of the schools served by the program have administrators like this. i said "and people wonder why schools fail..." and she immediately began- well, almost defending administrators and saying how some teachers just don't cut it with discipline and need to be held accountable. um, i agree, but the scenario didn't say "you send him to the office for the third time that week" it said there was a kid who'd been giving you problems all year and this day you send him out of the room to the office. doesn't seem like an instance of bad classroom discipline, seems like an instance of poor administration support of teachers.

anyway, i latched onto how she seemed to be looking for the teaching discipline and emphasized that i had no trouble adhering to established discipline procedures, felt comfortable handling and de-escalating many situations while subbing and working with highly volatile kids at madison center, and that i was commended several times by school administrators when i'd sub in a particular class or school for NOT having to send anyone to the office and still be productive. (i was NOT a walk-over sub.) i think i only sent a kid to the office once. in almost a year of subbing in almost every school in our district.

so, i dunno. i'm not holding my breath. i AM then a bit confused about what God has in store for me- i know i'm supposed to teach, but where else other than this, what with my current financial situation??? i'll wait and see.

I'll know if i've been invited to participate, placed on a waiting list, or declined on March 9. I'll let you all know in a very timely fashion. (i find out this Friday if i passed the test i took January 28, which i have to pass if i do get accepted to the Fellows program.)

Anxiety Attacks!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so i'm starting to feel this queasiness in my gut whenever i think about my interview on Saturday (please reference earlier blogs and www.chicagoteachingfellows.org for further information). It starts at 9:00 a.m. and will last about 4 hours. I will do a 5-minute sample lesson of my own creation, a round-table discussion, a writing sample, and a personal interview. specific things that i'm worried about are my 5-minute lesson, the round-table discussion, the writing sample, and the individual interview.

just kidding.

i am worried that i'll flub the sample lesson, or that mine will suck compared to the 10-12 other interviewee's lessons, or that i won't finish in five minutes. i'm not worried about the discussion or writing sample too much.

what worries me the most is the personal interview. they will review our resume info, work history and accomplishments, and transcripts. i'm worried that my transcript is flimsy (i really didn't take as much biology and other science as i should have- i only had enough for a BA in biology and not a BS) and my GPA is on the low end of their requirement (at least a 3.0 required, i had a 3.1) and i have a pattern of withdrawls. Now, most all of that is because i spent most of my college years clinically depressed. and completely unmotivated toward the goal of my major that i felt trapped in (biology pre-med and then med school).

and my work history doesn't show the best consistency either- ironically, because i want to teach. i was 2 years at a admin job and left to teach at an alternative school. after one year, our budget was cut and since i was low man on the totem pole, i was cut, too. so God led me to Madison Center, where i learned just how much i AM capable of doing and even was awarded the Employee of the Year honor (1100 employees, not bad...). but after two years, i left that job to move to chicago, because i wanted to be a teacher, and opportunity for going back to school (or getting into a program like this one i'm interviewing for) is much greater. but then i get a job in chicago- again as an admin- and work there for only 18 months. and now i've been unemployed since August. yeah, i'm a great candidate.

thing is, this is what i want. i want to teach. and i want to teach in public schools with kids that most people don't care about.

so, i'm praying a lot. that God will be present with me on Saturday, especially during the interview, and allow the interviewer to see what it is i am capable of being as a result of the stuggles i've had in the past, rather than seeing me as a product of bad decisions and not being committed. sigh. yeah, i know- satan is the father of lies, and the father of fear.

so please pray for the Spirit to protect my spirit and me to be calm and to do my best on Saturday. Thanks.

Re: super bowl

well, doesn't THAT just stink.

no offense, but if John Elway had to suffer through THREE super bowl losses before winning one, i think peyton manning certainly deserved to go through at least ONE loss before winning. cuz let's face it, the colts will be back to the super bowl. The Bears? hey- we were lucky to get to this one.

tonight on the news there were of course the "reaction pieces" with oh-so-interesting interviews with chicagoans... just about everyone had some sort of variation on the "there's always next year" theme.

i'm thinking those folks are also Cubs fans.

mostly i'm sad for Rex Grossman, the chicago Bears much maligned quarterback. he's been criticized all season long, and with two (three?) interceptions, i'm sure much of chicago will place the superbowl loss squarely on him. and that stinks. sure, he's no john elway- not even a peyton manning- but he played starting QB on a team that made it to the superbowl, and i relaly think that oughtta count for something- like, maybe a little respect.

(btw, i've been posting to my blog via the "email to post" feature, which is why there is the little tag about yahoo at the end of each post- it's not cuz their sponsoring me or i get paid for advertising- it's just cuz they add a tag to everything sent using their free email accounts. someday, when i actually figure out why Blogger suddenly isn't letting me log in to my account from my computer, i'll go in and edit all that yahoo crud out.)

thanks for reading. i hope wherever you are is warmer than where i am today. (high of ZERO, so you can just imagine what the wind chills have been. not as bad as the 80 below in des moines back in my college days, but still pretty uninviting. and our state-of-the-art vintage original-to-the-building windows aren't quite up to the task. we've got a lovely ice garden developing on the inside of our living room window. ICE, mind you- no wimpy frost going on here- we've got ice deposits building up in interesting and beautiful patterns. i just can't WAIT til that ice all melts into our completely watertight and certainly not rotting out vintage window frames.) from the disappointed Windy City- emily

another week, different focal points

Last week, and the weeks leading up to last saturday, were mostly focused on the fact that i was taking the Biology content Exam (for teachers) at 1:30 p.m. saturday january 27. spent a fair bit of time studying- more than i have since graduating college- and preparing myself mentally to fail the hardest test i've ever taken. i went into it honestly without much anxiety, because i have other opportunities to take the test, and i had no idea what to expect- so, i'll go and see what it's like so i know how to study for my next attempt.
The test is over now, and it was both easier and harder than i expected it to be. Easier in that the biology content was within my scope of knowledge. i felt fairly comfortable with how i did on the biology content. so what (you may be wondering) content was there other than biology? i mean,wasn't this the "Biology Content Exam"? yes, it was. however, you cannot separate out the sciences like you can different languages; you cannot have biology with chemistry, physics, ecology, etc. so, all of the science content exams have a block of questions that cover all of the sciences. i knew this going in. however, i did not expect to be on question 78 of 125 and be wondering "where's the biology?"
So, it was harder in that there was much more non-bio content than i was expecting, and really much more content in the areas of astronomy, earth science, and geology than i was expecting. cell plates formed in plant cells during mitosis? i got that covered. tectonic plates and how they form "island-arc systems" in western north america? not so much.
there were several questions that i managed to remember well enough to look up the answers when i got home (i love the internet) and i believe i chose wisely on all of those. so, i am hopeful that i was able to make good test-taking decisions even on the questions i had not a clue on the answer. post-test, i'd say there was a much better chance of my passing the test than i previously thought; so now, i'm hoping that maybe i won't have to take it again. I won't be surprised wither way- whether i pass or fail- it's a coin toss at this point.

so the new week brought new things to focus on- namely my interview for the Chicago Teaching Fellows Program on February 10. i'm working on my five-minute sample lesson (i think i've finally settled on a topic) and re-reading the materials they sent to be used in the round-table discussion and writing sample. i've ordered my transcripts (please God let them arrive on time!) and am trying to find suitable clothing to wear. i really need a new pair of all-purpose black shoes. it sounds frivolous, but it's really not- i'm trying to put together something that is professional yet comfortable and gives a good impression while also making me feel like i know what i'm doing. and all my choices seem to come down to the fact that i haven't got black shoes. sigh. i have one pair that is nearing falling apart, but the falling apart isn't visible- they look great, they feel horrible. but, i'll prolly make them do. i shouldn't have to be on my feet for much of the day.

and then this new week also brought the sad end of a focus of my life for the last nine months- Kentucky Derby Winner Barbaro was euthanized on Monday morning (jan. 29). I make a point of watching the Derby every year- i usually tape it- and then the Preakness and Belmont Stakes. i'm not a horse racing fan, but i am a Triple Crown fan. not sure why, except that God seems to have created especially beautiful examples of power, grace and beauty in these elegant and sometimes feisty creatures. i've always loved horses, and always wished to know them better- but haven't had much opportunity for long-term horsemanship in my sphere of life. so, i watch the triple crown. i think partly because i grew up hearing my mom talk about watching Secretariat, and how she admired him and his incredible athleticism. I hope every year to catch the next Secretariat- to find that next horse with the incredible talent and ability and the personality, heart, and spirit to match.

last may at the Kentucky Derby, i found my best candidate for that horse in Barbaro. and apparently, so did a lot of other people. i cried after the Preakness. sure, he was alive, but his body was no longer a race horse, while his heart and mind were. So, monday when he died, i sat and watched all his races (kentucky derby website) and cried and for the first time ever found myself wishing that animals go to heaven. or, found myself fervently wishing that parallel universes really existed. people ask me why i got so involved with Barbaro- why his ups and downs could bring tears to my eyes- and really i think it's this: my soul grieves for the race horse that never raced- that future Barbaro, the horse that was just being tapped when he was brought to a screeching halt. last may 20 i found myself wanting those parallel universes because there was something very comforting in thinking that somewhere that horse was still breezing, still working, still running and winning races. monday i cried and i also thought that although he stopped living today, part of him had died last may. and perhaps, in the long run, never being able to run again would have been too much for him?

so, i grieved for the unhappy end to the saga, and watched his races again, and said goodbye, and moved on to the next focus of the week: Scott, Kirsten and Sarah Johnson coming to Chicago for a brief weekend scouting trip! i haven't seen them in five years (Sarah had just turned 3) and they are considering moving to the Chicago area. lemme tell you- the excitement of seeing them again was a big motivation all week! i got to spend all day Friday with them, tooling around the western 'burbs with a realtor giving them a "brief introduction to the communities, and what you can expect for your money in them". i was thrilled to be able to hang out and "meet" Sarah, now close to 8, and catch a glimpse of the wonderful person she's becoming. I was privileged to be able to hear from Scott and Kirsten how this process has progressed, and how it has tested and strengthened them both, and will continue to do so. i was hoping to be able to hang with them Saturday a.m. before their flight home, but it didn't work out. my biggest regret is that i was planning on taking a pic of them and Sarah on my phone Saturday... oh, well- it's likely they will do another of these trips in the future.

so, now it's sunday, february 4- SUPER BOWL SUNDAY! and in about 2 hours the Chicago Bears and the Indianapolis Colts will kickoff a showdown for Midwestern bragging rights. I go on the record now- I am pulling for the BEARS. GO BEARS GO!

This week's focus: my interview event with Chicago Teaching Fellows on Saturday morning/afternoon. i ask for prayers as i prepare and go through the interview. see you all next time!

So it's 2007

kinda like a birthday- what really changes as that one second clicks into a new day? you? your friends? your job? the world around you? no, nothing really changes at all, except for the letters and numbers on the post mark stamp at the post office. and yet we put a lot of meaning into those "New Year" clicks of the second hand. and i'm not just talking about a big flashy ball dropping in new york or fire works going off over Navy Pier.

a handful of clicks determined whether a tombstone for a young Denver athlete will read "1982-2006" or "1982-2007". a couple clicks determined when illinois landlords began committing class B criminal misdemeanors because of the absence of carbon monoxide detectors in their rental units. that ticking second hand determined whether your newborn child can be claimed as a dependant just as soon as you get your W-2's, or if you're going to have to wait to claim those expenses until a year from now...

i can remember as an elementary student placing great weight on the last time i wrote the date with the "old year" and the first time i wrote the date with the new. i remember thinking about how incredible it was, that this one little instant, just like so many others, carried with it more meaning than all the others. now it's 1985--- poof! now it's not! what's so magic about one little jerk of the second hand anyway? what makes that particular little jerk so much more important than all the others?

perhaps i need to think about the situation conversely: what makes all the other stacatto jumps of the second hand so much LESS important? why do i not place equal importance on every moment i exist?

on the surface, it would appear that we do credit each moment as important: ours is a society ruled by calendars, schedules, watches, alarms, deadlines, start dates, delineated holidays, vacations scheduled in advance, activities worked together like jigsaw puzzles to get the most efficient use of our time out of the 24-hours we're given, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year, for God only knows how many years.

or is that really the reason? are we really scheduling and living according to the calendar in order to get the most out of our available time? or are we constructing our lives into containers of 60-unit intervals because it's actually easier to do it that way instead of living our lives according to what is truly important?

the problem, of course, is that we live in a culture that would not function without chronological order, because the function of our culture is capitalism. and when the function of your society is to collect, produce, sell, buy, and enjoy the profit of consumer goods, non-scheduled life is not possible. i'm not bashing capitalism for the sake of bashing capitalism. but even if i wanted to try to organize my life (or my family's life, if i had children, etc.) around only what was truly important (and healthy) to me, i couldn't. there's too many other constraints present in my environment.

but i digress, again. even though my life is ruled by time, i tend not to truly place equal importance on every moment of time. i fall into the trap of valuing one block of time over another, and it affects my very mindset, my very understanding of my world. for instance, most of my life i have lived looking forward to "the next holiday". it starts in schools- looking forward to Christmas break, looking forward to Spring Break, looking forward to summer. then you go into the working world, and you keep looking forward to the next day off. thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's- then, oh fiddlesticks... nothing for MONTHS! unless you work for a government or financial or educational institution. then you might get martin luther king jr. day off. or president's day. or, here in chicago, roman pulaski day, off.

what's wrong with looking forward to the next day off? on the surface, nothing. but what happens when you come back to work, or to school, whatever, after one holiday, vacation, etc., and immediately focus on how long it is until the next? the interim time is immediately downgraded- no, DEgraded- to time that must be served, rather than time that gets to be enjoyed.

yeah, most people have work that they like to complain about and usually can say that they'd rather not be there. i've been in many job situations that my attitude was just so. even jobs that we initially or at the heart of it ENJOY, we can usually find stressful and wanting an escape from them. or our school/classes. or our job of caring for our children and families in the most important place, the home.

but maybe if we truly, radically stopped thinking about the moment we're in in terms of the moments to come, we'd relieve ourselves of a great deal of stress, pressure, anxiety. if we could somehow just BE exactly when we are, enjoying just BEING, we'd find our quality of being improve, at least mentally.

Jesus said it best, really. Scripture records many times this basic idea: why do we as mortal human beings worry ourselves with anything other than the right now? the Bible exhorts us to remember that God is truly in control, and will care for us even greater than He cares for the grass that withers after one day. we are directed by Jesus to seek only one thing: the kingdom of God.

my moments generally don't reflect a seeking of the kingdom of God. i'm not talking about going to africa a missionary here. i'm talking about living each moment in a way that praises and worships the One who gave me each moment. going to a bible study instead of watching my favorite TVshow. calling a friend, investing in this person who is a child of God, rather than playing a computer game. i should be cleaning and organizing my bedroom because it saps my energy and bears me down like an cartoon anvil rather than watching the movie i watched, taking the nap i took, playing the game with my roommates... reading the word of God at least as often as i read the latest issue of the 2 magazines i get. studying for the biology test i have to take January 27 rather than doing word searches, crosswords, or looking up municipal building codes.

if i could truly see time as ways to seek God and show God to others, rather than as little ticks that i am allotted to use as i see fit; rather than long stretches of time that must be endured in order to get to a somehow more important, better time; rather than viewing it as how much will i have to give up to do what must be done so that i can use all the rest for fun things.

if i could only look around every few clicks of that clock and think- wow, how was God present here just now? i'm quite confident that in doing this i would not only be better emotionally and physically, i'm certain that in seeking God in every moment He would give me the moments of rest that i have so desperately craved in the past. i read in His Word that He will provide everything i need, and this would include the moments of solitude, of peace, of rest, of relaxation that i tend to "look forward" to over all my other moments, and yet never truly seem to fully realize.

i'm rambling, i guess, now. but i went to a women's retreat in October that addressed the concept of time and how our culture's concept of time is really very detrimental and oppositional to how God wants us to live our lives. and with the New Year thing, it's been rambling about in my brain.

thanks for reading. (all 3 of you!) i guess i should sign off now and go see how i can seek God's kingdom in the next moments. prolly not by playing a game of computer boggle. or working on that crossword i started earlier... i should prolly get up, take a shower (haven't done that yet today) and spend some time seeking God's harmony in my life by putting my stacks of clean laundry away. and then i should pack up the 2 pre-paid USPS boxes i've had for two weeks to send to friends in PA and CO. They'd appreciate getting those, and i'd certainly be showing my love for God more by doing that than by doing another word search.

even if it is a book of Bible Word Searches. *grin*

i may schedule my life away, and have only a dozen moments of seeking the Kingdom of God. it's even harder being unemployed- i have all this time, and it's somehow even harder to use it.